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Tweets of the Week: Gallopin’ Gallopin! Where’s Wiggo? The Frozen Chosen!

March 17, 2015, 5:30 am
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We had simultaneous racing this past week – kind of like synchronised swimming except, um, nothing like that at all. Anyway, we had drama on the downhill at Paris-Nice on Saturday and drama on the uphill at Tirreno-Adriatico on Sunday. Rest assured we had drama on Twitter every day!

Gallopin’ Gallopin!

Saturday’s stage was cold and wet and very tiring. It was a long stage and the guys were feeling it. When even Heinrich Haussler looks miserable in conditions that he normally thrives in, you know it was a long, hard day.

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Clik here to view. PN Haussler Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. PN hard dayIt’s good to see that the guys in the gruppetto still help each other out, regardless of team affiliation.

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Clik here to view. PN Henderson 1

One thing was for sure – Tony Gallopin picked up a lot of fans (and some big shout-outs from the peloton) for his solo ride to victory on Saturday.

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Clik here to view. PN Gallopin HendersonImage may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. PN Gallopin 2 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. PN Gallopin 1a Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. PN Gallopin 1Did you notice the tweet from Gustav Larsson in the stream above? His choice of days to attempt the hour record was maybe not the most astute. Two mega-races with just about everyone who’s anyone in one or the other of the pelotons? Not only did he not break the record, he didn’t get much coverage either.

And speaking of disappointment, we knew it would almost certainly come to this. Tony losing the yellow jersey on the last stage – an individual time trial – to Richie Porte. This is how much it hurt.

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Clik here to view. PN Gallopin sad 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. PN Gallopin sad 2Chava corner

Sylvain Chavanel – the name I like to say most of all – just looks so marvelous in his IAM kit (*the* best kit in the peloton this season – or perhaps any season), I had to include these pics. Oh, and check out the tricolour skinsuit. #ClassForSure Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. PN Chava 2 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. PN Chava 3 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. PN Chava kitSpeaking of time trials and special jerseys, wasn’t someone else supposed to be in the TT on Sunday? So far I have not found an explanation as to why Bradley Wiggins decided not to ride. Tweeters below had their theories. Trying to bow out without ceremony? Doubtful in that he’s got another month of racing. He had a special painted car and everything! Curiouser and curiouser.

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Clik here to view. PN no brad TTI think we might have found a branch of family that Michal Kwiatkowski might want to look up on Ancestors.com when he gets a chance.

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Clik here to view. PN Kwiat OllieBefore the snows

It wasn’t all about the snow at Tirreno-Adriatico this weekend. It was also about aquamen, frogs and cats.

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Clik here to view. TA aqua man

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Clik here to view. TA Astana frog

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Clik here to view. TA cat Contador

Unfortunately, the Velvet Samurai is not really doing much in the way of winning this year. And we know what the boss thinks about *that*. {NEWS JUST IN: yes, Sagan has in fact won Monday’s stage at Tirreno-Adriatico. Oleg is calling to say congratulations!}

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Clik here to view. TA Oleg phone

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Clik here to view. TA Sagan OlegWout Poels looks to have a backup career for when he retires.

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Clik here to view. TA Poels snookerSleigh bells ring, are you listening?

It was as if we went back to Christmas time, with its snowflakes and twinkling lights. Yes, Sunday’s stage was unbelievable. Reminiscent of Milan-San Remo a few years ago – especially the frozen helmet heads.

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Clik here to view. TA snow Amador Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. TA snow Fabs Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. TA snow Fabs helmet

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Clik here to view. TA snow Fabs 3 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. TA snow Formica Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. TA snow Jumbo Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. TA snow MTN Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. TA snow podium Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. TA snow Poels Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. TA snow Quintana 3 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. TA snow Stef Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. TA snow Thibaut 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. TA snow Thibaut 2 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. TA snow trident Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. TA snow Contador Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. TA snow Contador 2 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. TA snow fans 2 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. TA snow gruppeto 2 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. TA snow gruppetto 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. TA snow Mollema 2 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. TA snow ScarponiTwo of my favourite tweeters – Dan Wuori and, of course, My Beloved Panache™ – took advantage of the situation to make a sweet little bauble for us to remember the race by.

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Clik here to view. TA snowglobe 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. TA snowglobe 2The (thawed) gruppetto

I don’t know what happened here, but it looks like Eddy wasn’t invincible after all.

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Clik here to view. G Merckx tears 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. G Merckx tears 2Soon, it will be time for the ArgoSunGod to rise again and sprint to victory!

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Clik here to view. G Kittel 2 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. G Kittel 1

Is it just me or does Koen de Kort look like Vitas Gerulaitis in these shots of his mullet days?

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Clik here to view. G KdK mullet 2 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. G KdK mullet 1

Do any of you even know who Vitas Gerulaitis was? (Note to self: age is showing.)

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Clik here to view. Vitus_Gerulaitis

It would seem that the UCI have invested in some new wheels! Who ya gonna call?

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Clik here to view. G GhostbustersThe last word

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Clik here to view. Last word glory

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Tweets of the Week: Tears, tantrums and Milan-SanRemo

March 24, 2015, 5:30 am
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The longest race in the WorldTour calendar is also one of the most unpredictable and Sunday’s Milan-San Remo did not disappoint. It brought out the best in some tweeters and the worst in others, well, one. Therefore, I have now declared this an Oleg-free zone. While there may be a reply to a tweet of his, he himself is not in this column. I think it’s time we disembark from the Tinkov crazy train.

Pre-race poses and predictions

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Clik here to view. Pre MSR Trek 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Pre MSR Trek 2

Blimey, Cav goes all cultural on us!

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Clik here to view. Pre MSR operaDegs on his final training run, looking relaxed and happy.

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Clik here to view. Pre MSR Degs training

Matteo Bono, who would be the last man standing – or riding – from an 11-man breakaway during the race, tells it like it is. (I think he’s selling himself short here.)

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Clik here to view. Pre MSR Bono 2 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Pre MSR Bono 1

The jerseys, the good luck charms (that little puppy is gonna cause all kinds of drag, Fabs), the numbers.

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Clik here to view. pre MSR Fabs ready Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Pre MSR Demare 2 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Pre MSR Demare 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Pre MSR Greipel

The fan – no, he doesn’t have some strange bobble-thingy coming out of his head, it just looks that way. He does have some bobble-thingy glasses on, though.

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Clik here to view. Pre MSR fan

The predictions! There was a lot of talk but just a few people naming the eventual winner. I’d actually had a dream about the Mighty Degs the night before – if only I’d put money on it, I’d be rich, rich beyond my wildest dreams now!

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Clik here to view. Pre MSR prediction 1If you look closely, you can see that Gazzetta puts Vincenzo Nibali in the mix at a three-star, the same as Michael Matthews and Greg van Avermaet. One of those made the podium and another animated the race with attacks up until the end. Neither of these were Italian. We only saw him off the back, didn’t we? Maybe he was in disguise, trying to outfox the tax officials (more on that later).

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Clik here to view. Pre MSR prediction 2 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. pre MSR predictions 3The start pictures – raindrops and kisses.

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Clik here to view. Pre MSR pics

“I must break you” – and Luca certainly did break a few people on Sunday. An unbelievable powerhouse.

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Clik here to view. Pre MSR Luca 2 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Pre MSR Luca 1

So loving that rainbow gilet. So so cool.

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Clik here to view. pre MSR Cav Kwiat 1

What the race winner takes home.

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Clik here to view. Pre MSR trophiesThe race, complete with bananas and striptease

It was a long day in the saddle – one that required bananas in team colours and the constant putting on and taking off of gilets, capes and leg/arm warmers.

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Clik here to view. MSR banana

Panache’s second tweet in this string is incredibly funny – and so saucy!

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Clik here to view. MSR Gabba

And then the obligatory “what the hell are Sky doing?” string of tweets.

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Clik here to view. MSR Sky doingThe win! As Neal Rogers says in this string of tweets, make no mistake – John Degenkolb is one bad-ass rider. Yeah baby!

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Clik here to view. MSR Degs win 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. MSR win 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. MSR win 2 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. MSR win 3

For some reason which escapes our understanding, British Eurosport doesn’t show the podiums any more. In a one-day race of this magnitude, you couldn’t not cut to Arctic Shoot and Ski malarkey and show the winner getting his podium kisses? Really? Home of Cycling, my ass. I am furious – I want to see the winner cry! I want to cry with the winner! I want to see that it means something. Okay, rant over. Here a bunch of pictures, some with tears, some with smiles. Most with lipstick.

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Clik here to view. MSR podium 4 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. MSR podium 3 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. MSR podium 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. MSR podium 2 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. MSR podium 5 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. MSR podium 6 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. MSR podium 7 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. MSR podium 8 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. MSR podium 9The aftermath – the tantrums, the bruises, the tax man

There were some nasty, nasty crashes in this race. A couple of guys hit the wall (see Chris Juul-Jensen‘s face!) and some hit PhilGil once he spilled.

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Clik here to view. post MSR PhilGil 4 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. post MSR PhilGil 3 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Post MSR PhilGil 2 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Post MSR PhilGil 1

The rainbow jersey was sullied and the helmet was a write-off as KwiatKrush hit the deck in the PhilGil crash. Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Post MSR KwiatImage may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Post MSR helmet 2 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Post MSR helmet 1

Getting a going-over by a WorldTour race.

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Clik here to view. post MSR JJ crash 2 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. post MSR JJ crash 1

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Clik here to view. post MSR IAM crash“Daddy, I want it NOW!”

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Clik here to view. post MSR Cialek 2

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Clik here to view. post MSR Ciolek 1Chaingate. Again.

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Clik here to view. Post MSR Cav chainAn anti-rain rider. I think Paul Martens has been dipping into the Fabianese phrasebook.

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Clik here to view. post MSR anti-rainOne thing is for sure, Luca Paolini is one beast of a rider. Pep talk followed by pulling Kristoff to the line.

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Clik here to view. post MSR Luca pullSo, without explanation, bikes from Etixx and Trek were confiscated immediately after the race – for what? To check weight? To check the paint job? To check for motors? Remember what Fabs said after the Roubaix-engine shenanigans “I am the motor!” (It was announced on Monday that, no, there was nothing untoward about any of the bikes.)

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Clik here to view. post MSR FabsImage may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Post MSR bikes 2 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Post MSR bikes 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Post MSR bikes 3The real reason we didn’t see Nibali in the race? (He had paid a hefty fine to keep himself out of jail for a tax, um, problem.)

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Clik here to view. post MSR nibbles

I WON! The Instagrams from the man of the hour …

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Clik here to view. MSR Deg tweet 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. MSR Deg Tweet 2The gruppetto

Congratulations to the Eisels on the arrival of their daughter. (Kind of hoping that the baby will make it clear that he needs to shave.)

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Clik here to view. G Bernie baby

Chava stickers!

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Clik here to view. G Chava stickers

Fabs cover. I’d know that leg anywhere.

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Clik here to view. G Fabs cover 2 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. G Fabs cover 1

Chickens on bikes!

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Clik here to view. G chicken bike

A forlorn Dan Lloyd after stealing whisky from the giant’s liquor cabinet.

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Clik here to view. G Lloyd whisky 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. G Lloyd whisky 2

And Mick Jagger seems to have gone back to taking pictures of himself in deserted locations.

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Clik here to view. G Uran helipad 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. G Uran helipad 2The last word

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Clik here to view. last word hallucinations

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Tweets of the Week: Backbone, guts and Gent

March 31, 2015, 4:30 am
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Ah, the Belgian spring. When winds are strong, mud is thick and the rain just never stops. We have Twitter musings from DDV, E3 Harelbeke and Gent-Wevelgem; Quintana on the cobbles, Fabs crashing out, Sagan stalling, Thomas winning with flair, and Paolini outfoxing everyone.

It’s only a race

I truly believe that 99.9% of riders in the peloton are pretty decent guys. And that decency was proved at DDV by Katusha’s Rudi Selig. After falling in a mud-filled ditch, he ran over to help IAM’s Marcel Aregger, who was lying unconscious on the road. Reminiscent of Lucas Euser who stayed with Taylor Phinney after his terrible crash to keep him calm until the ambulance came.

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Clik here to view. DDV Aregger 2 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. DDV Aregger 1

Marcel spent five days in the hospital but thankfully has been able to go home to nurse his broken collarbone and let the side of his face heal up. Here’s hoping for a speedy recovery.

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Clik here to view. DDV Aregger hospital

That sexist race

God only knows what the promoters were thinking when they got pole dancers to serve champagne to dignitaries and throwing blue knickers everywhere at E3 Harelbeke. But it seems the cycling gods weren’t well pleased at the tasteless schenanigans that were going on.

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Clik here to view. E3 Crashelbeke Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. E3 crashes

Crashes took a good many riders out of E3 early on – including (sob!) My Beloved Cancellara, who rode about 30km with two cracked vertebrae before calling it a day (well, calling it a spring season, really). More on Spartacus a little later.

But one rider who looked amazingly comfortable on the cobbles was one Nairo Quintana, doing a race reccy for the cobbled stage of the TdF. There was some confusion as to whether he was the 21st-century Badger or a snake (which rocks).

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Clik here to view. E3 Quintana 2 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. E3 Quintana

As has been happening a lot lately, chasing groups seem to have forgotten that the key word is ‘chasing’ – not sitting around and looking at each other.

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Clik here to view. E3 chase group 1

In the end, however, Geraint Thomas – a Classics legend in the making – took a solo win to make the peloton look around and say ‘I thought you were going to chase him.’. G played it smart and reaped the rewards.

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Clik here to view. E3 Thomas attacks 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. E3 Thomas rouleur Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. E3 Thomas smile Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. E3 Thomas win UK

More sportsmanlike behaviour from Zdenek Stybar, who hesitated and lost the race.

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Clik here to view. E3 Stybar congrats 2 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. E3 Stybar congrats Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. E3 Stybar crash condol

But what of Wiggins and Woubaix now that G is on fire?

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Clik here to view. E3 Wiggins Mod Cave

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Clik here to view. E3 Bernie congrats

Meanwhile, back at the hospital

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Clik here to view. FC injury 4 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. FC injury 2 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. FC injury 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. FC classics 1

The x-ray that looks like a bat told the doctors all they needed to know. No Ronde / Roubaix for Spartacus this year.

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Clik here to view. FC xray

And it was going so well. Training with a smile on his face, making his bed before the race so that everything was just so.

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Clik here to view. FC training A

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Clik here to view. FC bed made

The fickle finger of fate was pointing at Fabs.

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Clik here to view. FC TB Etixx message Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. FC TB message Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. FC thanks for message Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. FC BW classics 1

Let’s hope we haven’t seen the last of this duo in the Classics – one last time for Tom and Fabs in Flanders, please.

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Clik here to view. FC TB out

It’s an ill wind …

that doesn’t bring a great race in its wake. And Gent-Wevelgem stands out as one of the greatest races in a long time (I’m thinking even better than Omloop this year – and that’s saying a lot!). Guys were being thrown around like ragdolls.

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Clik here to view. GW wind Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. GW Thomas bike Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. GW riders in ditches Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. GW Rast wind 2

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Clik here to view. GW echelons Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. GW echelons 4 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. GW echelons 2

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Clik here to view. GW during Gruber

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Clik here to view. GW aftermath Rast

That Geraint Thomas was in the thick of it again on Sunday, looking to win two races in three days. Not to be, although the Jean-Claude Van Damme tribute was appreciated.

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Clik here to view. GWE Jean Claude

Etixx once again found a way to complete balls up the entire finish.

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Clik here to view. GW Etixx tactics Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. GW Etixx 2

So Luca Paolini decided that while Etixx was faffing around, he’d just quietly go a bit faster and shake himself free of the chasing group to take a very popular win, not least because of his fluoro boots.

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Clik here to view. GW Paolini boots Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. GW Paolini salute Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. GW paolini leg warmers Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. GW Paolini crash

Kwaremont bubbly – the best kind …

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Clik here to view. LP GW win bottle

…to pour over your own head.

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Clik here to view. LP GW win de Vaele

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Clik here to view. LP GW win 90 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. LP GW Chuck Norris Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. LP GW win Jackman

Only one guy looks happy here.

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Clik here to view. GW podium 2

And here is what that happy man looked like beardless a few years ago in the maglia rosa.

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Clik here to view. GW beardless Paolini

A few comments in the aftermath of the rain-soaked race.

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Clik here to view. GW aftermath Cannondale Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. GW aftermath Rast Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. GW aftermath G crash

Crazy train pullin’ outta the station, folks!

Still an Oleg-free zone – at least his tweets – but his mad tweeting last week gave us an insight into motivational tactics that will never work. He suspends Bjarne Riis (announcing on Monday that they agreed to go their different ways, effectively immediately), he disses riders on Twitter and everyone is afraid for Sagan, who just can’t seem to get past the horror of it all in his head.

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Clik here to view. Oleg 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Oleg 8 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Oleg 7 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Oleg 6 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Oleg 5 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Oleg 4 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Oleg 3 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Oleg 2 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Oleg 1a Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Oleg Riises pieces

From one crazy train to another

Saint David Millar is keeping himself busy after retirement – what with being Ambassador to the Italian island of Maserati and giving fashion tips in the Telegraph. The article was on looking good while riding. It was really rather awful. I’d put in the link to it but I really don’t want to encourage this type of drivel

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Clik here to view. Millar dress code 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Millar dress code 2

The gruppetto

Bernie is looking more and more like he might be storing canned goods in his bomb shelter in preparation for when the balloon goes up …

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Clik here to view. G Bernie beard

While (a clean-shaven) Tom Danielson promotes his rap album.

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Clik here to view. G Tom Danielson

Shield your eyes, Ma, Henderson‘s got them honey balls!!

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Clik here to view. G Henderson honey balls 2 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. G Henderson honey balls 1

Pippo, on the other hand, had some sort of stomach bug, which seemed to make him pout like a porn star.

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Clik here to view. G Pippo sad 2 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. G Pippo sad 1

“Mom, I don’t want to eat that broccoli! You can’t make me!”

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Clik here to view. G Majek yuck

In the wild, the alpha male presents himself.

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Clik here to view. G Nibs presenting 2 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. G Nibs presenting

Oleg might be on the crazy train, but Bjarne (or should I say Barne) has powers behind his wildest dreams as he can make himself into a ghost at will!

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Clik here to view. G letter J

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Clik here to view. G Ghost of Riis

And until now, I’ve never noticed the resemblance of Dan Lloyd to Salvador Dali.

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Clik here to view. E3 Lloyd Dali

Am I right?! I am! #IAMRIGHT

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Clik here to view. Salvador_Dalí_1939

The last word

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Clik here to view. Last word humans

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Clik here to view.
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Tweets of the Week: The Ronde 2015 edition!

April 7, 2015, 4:30 am
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A game of dodge’ems? Two interesting couples fighting each other? A Tour champion on the roadside handing out wheels? Fans taking selfies with Stybar’s teeth? This and so much more in the Ronde edition of Tweets of the Week! Beware! There is strong language (seriously, a lot) in this edition of tweets. Don’t blame me. Blame Ant Beal and Marc Madiot.

Da do Ronde Ronde Ronde

Alexander Kristoff has been focused all week – all season even! – just look at that predator gaze as he warms up for the DePanne TT earlier in the week. A Pinarello might have beat him in the TT but it wasn’t going to on Sunday.

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Clik here to view. RVV before Kristoff

One of the many glorious traditions of the Ronde is that the first rider through Sint Eloois Winkel wins his weight in beer. Looks like Matt Brammeier did write that on his stem.

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Clik here to view. RVV beer weight 1

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Clik here to view. RVV beer 2I love that Cadel Evans was by the roadside, holding wheels for the team. He looks happy and relaxed, doesn’t he?

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Clik here to view. RVV Cadel 2 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. RVV cadel 3 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. RVV Cadel 1The race is on

The race only really lit up after about 150km but we all still had stuff to say.

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Clik here to view. RVV Gruber 2 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. RVV Gruber 1

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Clik here to view. RVV during Paolini Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. RVV during Greipel Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. RVV during Greipel 2

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Clik here to view. RVV FDJ mechanicalIn a stroke of genius, Trek got Fabs to tweet the final 60km of the race. Whether he was wearing this strange woodland creature’s mask or not during the tweeting is anyone’s guess.

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Clik here to view. RVV Fabs Eastern

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Clik here to view. RVV Fabs tweets 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. RVV Fabs tweets 4 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. RVV Fabs tweets 2Fabs is bewildered by riders who don’t make a statement with their attacks.

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Clik here to view. RVV Fabs tweets 1c

As soon as Kristoff and Terpstra went away and got a gap, it was game over for the single leaders in the back.  Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. RVV Fabs tweets 1aOr as Ant puts it:

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Clik here to view. RVV during duo

One has to wonder what ‘tactical fuckwittery’ is in Fabianese – we may never know. But as they near the line, Fabs reminisces about his own moments of victory.

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Clik here to view. RVV fabs tweets 3And Ant (who was on fire on Sunday!) imagined what Niki might be saying to Alexander as they rode alone.

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Clik here to view. RVV during Terpstra 1The finish. Apparently Terpstra shrank and is now only about three feet tall.

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Clik here to view. RVV fabs tweets 5

This bike is suspended!

For those who appreciate the workings of a bike (I am not one of those people), the news of the week was the special Pinarellos with rear suspension for Team Sky. Some called it a game changer. Most didn’t. But the rear suspension couldn’t save it from a Wiggins throw.

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Clik here to view. RVV Sky bikes 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. RVV bikes 6

Our Midge, however, was waaaaaaaay ahead of Sky!

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Clik here to view. RVV bikes 5 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. RVV bikes 4

The verdict about the bikes? Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. RVV bikes 3 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. RVV bikes 2After the race

The agony of defeat for a good fair few.

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Clik here to view. RVV after Sep 2 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. RVV after Sep 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. RVV after SAgan Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. RVV after shower Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. RVV after shower 2 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. RVV after Sep 3

This tweet by Andrew Hood had everyone sitting up and going ‘huh?’ Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. RVV after Pippo

Personally, I’m not much of a Terpstra fan but I was impressed with this. He must have been unbelievably disappointed at losing the race but he still had a smile and time for fans afterwards. Chapeau, Niki.

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Clik here to view. RVV after Terpstra 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. RVV after Terpstra 2 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. RVV Terpstra 4

Poor Zdenek. He spent the day before Strade Bianche getting new teeth and he loses them in Flanders.

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Clik here to view. RVV after Stybar 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. RVV after Stybar 2 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. RVV after Stybar 3 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. RVV after Stybar 4

It’s a shame that Geraint couldn’t make the podium – but I’m sure there will be many more opportunities in his Classics future. Luke Rowe, on the other hand, certainly didn’t dress up his thoughts on the day.

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Clik here to view. RVV after Sky 4 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. RVV after Sky 2Great to see Wei Yuet was there. I love this shot of Lars Boom.

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Clik here to view. RVV after Boom 2 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. RVV after Boom1

Did we just see the beginnings of a great Classics career for Tiesj Benoot from Lotto?

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Clik here to view. RVV after Benoot Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. RVV after Benoot 2The worthy winner

Who also has the cutest son to ever grace a podium.

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Clik here to view. RVV podium Kristoff son

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Clik here to view. RVV after Kristoff son 2 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. RVV after Kristoff media Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. RVV after Kristoff 5 Image may be NSFW.
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Clik here to view. RVV after Kristoff 2a Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. RVV after Kristoff 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. RVV after Katusha bus Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. RVV after Katusha 2

The least neutral service cars ever

It’s almost a surprise that this doesn’t happen more often, but on Sunday, two neutral service cars were involved in crashes involving riders. One sideswiped Trek’s Jesse Sergent off his bike (and broke his collarbone to boot), the other backended FDJ’s team car, which sent one of the riders who was alongside onto the pavement hard. Just some of the reactions from Twitter.

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Clik here to view. Shimano 10 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Shimano 15 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Shimano 14

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Clik here to view. Shimano 8 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Shimano 7 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Shimano 6 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Shimano 5 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Shimano 4 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Shimano 3 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Shimano 2 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Shimano 1

The gruppetto

Dan Wuori, saint that he is, periodically tries to mediate between the blocked and the blockers on Twitter. He spent Easter weekend tirelessly trying to broker peace – forsaking all chocolate Easter eggs until his task was complete! I love the ‘this makes him sad’.

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Clik here to view. DW Vaughters

Ant wanted to be unblocked by Lance and Oleg (I have no idea why). Last I knew, Lance came through, Oleg is still thinking about it.

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Clik here to view. DW Ant Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. DW Henderson

Some people are maybe not understanding what would drive someone to block them. Dan, ever patient, explains how it works.

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Clik here to view. DW insults

I think Dan beseeches PhilGil every year on Panache’s behalf. The laser eyes on the offending tweet two years ago still stings, it seems. No word of an unblockage by the Belgian champ.

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Clik here to view. DW PhilGil

Another Lotto box. Love these. LOVE these.

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Clik here to view. G Lotto box

Trek’s April Fool’s prank. Best one by miles. (Cobbled miles, of course)Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. G Monument parfum

Pippo – always good value on Instagram.

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Clik here to view. G Pippo hair 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. G Pippo hair 2

Of course, now we know why Pippo didn’t do so well in Flanders. He actually had to quit early to go win an Ironman.

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Clik here to view. G Pippo Ironman

Svein Tuft – guaranteed to burn all day long.

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Clik here to view. G Svein Lanterne 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. G Svein Lanterne 2Blessings upon Matt Rendell, the voice of reason when talking about Oleg’s radical plans for “transforming” cycling. (Well, he sure seems to have transformed a happy team into one with a whole lotta angst.) The oligarch’s plans for cycling? A race before Formula One because there are already bleachers set up and you could charge. Circuits around a city – forget this ‘riding through landscapes’ malarkey’ What could be more snoozeville?

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Clik here to view. G Rendell cycling 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. G Rendell cycling 2 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. G Rendell cycling 3The last word

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Clik here to view. Last word 1

 

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Clik here to view.
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Tweets of the Week: Degs in, Wiggs out, Roubaix special

April 14, 2015, 4:30 am
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I dreamed a dream of Degenkolb. He was dusty yet dignified – and he won Paris-Roubaix. So this Tweets of the Week is dedicated to that dream come true of victory in the Queen of the Classics. We also have a pantheon of dusty faces as well as one knight calling it a day.

Quiet before the storm

One of our favourite photographers was on hand to document the day and you’ll be seeing a lot of Marshall Kappel‘s work in this column (as well as the coveted header image). I love this picture – so green, so spring, so quiet before the chaos.

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Clik here to view. PR start Marshall

Another fantastic picture, this time by Tim de Waele, on the cobbles with Kristoff during a recon, catching that split second.

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Clik here to view. PR recon Kristoff

What is Paris-Roubaix? What is this madness?

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Clik here to view. PR saying 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. PR saying 2

I believe you remember from the Ronde the hoopla around Sky’s ‘new, game-changing’ bike. As it didn’t seem to change the game in Flanders, they were going for something different for Roubaix.

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Clik here to view. PR Pinarello

The faces

Let’s just get to the pictures, shall we? Poor Quentin Jauregui is giving what is known in official circles as ‘the dead eye’.

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Clik here to view. Faces shellshock 2 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Faces shellshock 1

Sagan might have an aura around him in this picture (he is looking surprisingly velvety) but we’ll see him later when he’s maybe not so … put together (and the dead eye makes another appearance).

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Clik here to view. Faces Sagan 2 Marshall Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Faces Sagan 1 Marshall Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Faces Marshall

And the lovely Wei Yuet was at Roubaix as well and got this fantastic shot of my alternative Rider of the Race, Luke Rowe.

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Clik here to view. Faces Luke Rowe Wei 2 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Faces Luke Rowe Wei Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Faces Luke Rowe 1

Are you wondering where that kid’s hand is?

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Clik here to view. Faces Katusha 2 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Faces Katusha 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Faces Degs Marshall Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Faces Bora Marshall 1

Let’s face it – Roubaix just hurts.

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Clik here to view. Faces BMC 2 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Faces BMC 1

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Clik here to view. Faces Ag2r Marshall 2 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Faces Ag2R Marshall 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Faces Ag2r 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Faces Ag2r 2The finish

So young, so enthusiastic. Don’t you just love it?

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Clik here to view. Finish boys Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Finish Bozic Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. finish ground 1

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Clik here to view. Finish Movistar 2

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Clik here to view. Finish Movistar 1

Poor Peter. He had a very, very bad day. First he had a dodgy stomach and had to jump into the bushes with his bibs down (caught on camera by Sporza), then he had bike trouble right at the very worst possible time near the end. Is it any wonder he’s sitting there in his Underoos giving us all the dead eye? A literal reading of Fabs’ phrase: ‘A shit day of #unluck’

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Clik here to view. Finish Sagan 2

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Clik here to view. Finish Sagan 1

[I had toyed with the thought of not putting this picture in but Panache basically told me that if I didn’t, he would disown me as his sister. Peter, you lost.]

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Clik here to view. Finish Sagan poo 2

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Clik here to view. PR Oleg bike change

Sep Formica didn’t have to jump into any bushes but he sure did have a bad day – it was just one damn thing after another, much like his entire classics season.

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Clik here to view. Finish Sep 2

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Clik here to view. Finish Sep 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. finish Sep 4

Count your blessings, Sep, at least you don’t have to walk around with this strapped to your head.

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Clik here to view. Finish stitchesUnbelievably, this is the Before picture – Zdenek Stybar left his teeth somewhere in Flanders. (Can you imagine what it must have sounded like when he tried to say his own name?)

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Clik here to view. Stybar teeth 1

Keepin’ those lips clenched pretty tight …

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Clik here to view. finish Stybar Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Finish Terpstra 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Finish Terpstra 2

 The Monumental Degs™

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Clik here to view. Degs win 2

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Clik here to view. Degs win 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Degs thing 2 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Degs Thing 1

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Clik here to view. Degs Jens Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Degs Monument stats Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Degs podium 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Degs post 1

One of the most commented bits of yesterday’s podium presentation was the fact that Degs’ entire team were at the side watching (no doubt with some tears in their eyes). I’ve never seen that before. And the fact that he got them up onto the podium with him – a great team effort.

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Clik here to view. Degs team 4 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Degs team 5 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Degs team 3 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Degs team 2 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Degs team 1

And of course they’re going to shower in the iconic Roubaix showers. “Got any of that Herbal Essences shampoo over there?”

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Clik here to view. Degs shower 1

And taking a little bite out of the trophy before Degs takes it home.

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Clik here to view. Degs trophy 1

“I’m sorry, sir, but you’re not going to be able to put that in the overhead compartment.”

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Clik here to view. Degs airport Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Degs crush Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Degs GiantWiggo woz here

It didn’t turn out quite like Bradley Wiggins hoped but he made it to the Velodrome as promised.

The only thing I can say about this particular picture is: what the hell is happening to Bernie?

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Clik here to view. Wiggo selfie 2 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Wiggo selfie 1

In the most hyped race participation in the history of the sport, it seems the British press went just a touch overboard.

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Clik here to view. Wiggo shock 1

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Clik here to view. Wiggo Velodrome 3

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Clik here to view. Wiggo Velodrome 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Wiggo Velodrome 2

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Clik here to view. Wiggo Marshall Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Wiggo hair 2 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Wiggo hair 1

After the race, it was a time of reflection on Wiggins’ Sky career.

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Clik here to view. Wiggo Brailsford 2 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Wiggo Brailsford 1

 

{Hiding the hair}

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Clik here to view. Wiggo 7 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Wiggo 8 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Wiggo 5 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Wiggo 10 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Wiggo 11

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Clik here to view. Wiggo 13 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Wiggo 12

Wiggo has left the building.

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Clik here to view. Wiggo end

The last word

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Clik here to view. Screen shot 2015-04-13 at 19.11.17

 

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Clik here to view.
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Tweets of the Week: The days of wine and hamsters

April 21, 2015, 4:30 am
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Tweets might be shorter than the last few weeks but it still packs a punch. In fact, more of a punch than usual, as this week, there are some of the creepiest pictures ever seen! Thrones, cats, wine, beer, hamsters … It’s the stuff of nightmares. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

King Kwiatkowski

Let’s start this Amstel Gold Tweet review with some lovely windmill pictures, shall we?

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Clik here to view. AGR windmill Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. AGR supportAmstel Gold is constantly up and down and at some point, every guy looks like this trio – mouths open, pain etched on their face – particularly the Jumbo bee in the background. All those climbs are really stinging. (Bee joke number 1.)

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Clik here to view. AGR Qhubeka

Not only are there a lot of climbs at Amstel, there’s also a lot of sharp corners. Sometimes they work out, sometimes not. Here we see Purito Rodriguez attempt the ‘ride through the front garden’ technique. It didn’t work so well.

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Clik here to view. AGR Purito gardenAt one point in the race, Vincenzo Nibali got particularly frisky. Attack here, attack there, get in a break, wild gesticulation because guys weren’t working, attack again, form another break, shakes head in disgust because no one is doing what he says! Then, as Ant so rightly observed, it was back to the team car …

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Clik here to view. AGR Nibali toys Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. AGR Nibali toys 2

Oh, and one Jumbo bee (the fabulously named Wilco Kelderman) went a little too wide on the corner and he had to hive off from the rest into a newly ploughed field. (Bee joke number 2.)

But it was all about Flower Power at the finish – his win was so convincing he already had the beer in his hands.

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Clik here to view. AGR win beersI seriously LOVE those rainbow striped gloves. Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. AGR winKwiatkowski might have been crying with joy after the race, but poor Bling Matthews could hardly walk.

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Clik here to view. AGR Bling weak“I am the King and I sit on a plush throne of velvet.”

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Clik here to view. AGR podium throne 1Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. AGR podium throne

Ah, poor Valverde, trying desperately to get into the picture. “Drink up, boys, it’ll make your hair grow,” he says to these two never.

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Clik here to view. AGR podium beer a

Is there anything better than those beer mat hats and skirts? Highlight of the Ardennes season for me.

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Clik here to view. AGR podium beer

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Clik here to view. AGR Nathan Haas Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. AGR congrats 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. AGR 4th WC

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Clik here to view. AGR like themThe horror, the horror

The wine, the hamster, the bad decor. That come hither look in his eyes. Welcome to Oleg’s nightmare.

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Clik here to view. Oleg wine pic Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Oleg wine 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Oleg wine 2

A poor unsuspecting loved-up Velvet Samurai … He’ll find you, Peter, he’ll find you.

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Clik here to view. Sagan holiday

Meanwhile, back at Sky’s secret headquarters, there was shampoo hijinx.

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Clik here to view. Froome Kittel 1

But since when is the ArgoSunGod a ginger? #KittelHairIsBlond

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Clik here to view. Froome Kittel 2

The creepiest picture of all. Don’t look in its eyes!!!!!

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Clik here to view. Froome scary cat face

Let’s clear our minds with the lovely Taylor Phinney – team reports that he should be back racing in the peloton by mid to late summer. Let’s hope so. We need That Boy in the peloton again!

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Clik here to view. Phinney ride

And possibly the sweetest tweet I’ve seen all week. You just know that it’s a hand-drawn get well card for Spartacus. I really hope Fabs tweets us a picture of the card when he gets it.

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Clik here to view. Fabs fan mail 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Fabs fan mail 2

The last word

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Clik here to view. Screen Shot 2015-04-21 at 9.57.21 AM

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Clik here to view.
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Tweets of the Week: Fleche wounds, hemlock and lonely pandas

April 28, 2015, 4:30 am
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The spring classics are over – Ardennes week has come and gone – and it’s now time for the summer of stage races and grand tours. But before we get into that, let’s tie up the meaningful tweets from Fleche Wallonne and Liege-Bastogne-Liege.

Fleche wounds

On Wednesday, a one-day classic and a grand tour collided – and it took the fabric right off Chris Froome‘s shorts. Froome decided to ride Fleche in anticipation of the Tour de France’s stage three this year. (Funny, he didn’t ride Roubaix for stage four – I wonder why?) Not sure what he learned from his tarmac tussle, but we learned that he does have a sense of humour.

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Clik here to view. FW Froome 3Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. FW Froome uncomfortable Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. FW Froome crash 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. FW Froome crash 2

Trudgin is right. Purito always does look heartbroken when he doesn’t win.

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Clik here to view. FW Purito 1

The ‘nothing much happening’ nature of the race brought out the wit in the Tweeters. The lack of tractors seems to be a recurring lament these days.

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Clik here to view. FW ditch 1

InnerRing – I love him for his voice of reason, but most of all, I love him for his very, very dry comments. “signage”

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Clik here to view. FW flechage

If watching a dull race, just fire up PhotoShop …

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Clik here to view. FW arrow

But there was one bright spark in an otherwise rather dull race. And that was Etixx’s new French star, Julian Alaphilippe, who sprinted to second in the race. 

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Clik here to view. FW Alaphilippe 1

But this was not a fluke. A goal without hard work is just a pipe dream – JA had a goal.

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Clik here to view. FW Alaphilippe 2

A goblet of hemlock

Between Fleche and Liege, the Licence Commission ruled that Astana was to keep its racing licence. Which left the UCI with egg on their face.

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Clik here to view. Astana 5 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Astana 6 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Astana 3 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Astana 1

Lulling Liege

Liege pretty much was a rerun of Fleche but with a different course. But the ennui was the same throughout, not to mention a big crash. There were some nice pictures coming out of it though. This one of Tim Wellens, who had animated Fleche on the penultimate climb. Unfortunately, he didn’t do the same at Liege.

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Clik here to view. LBL Wellens

I’m really loving that Trek kit now. At least you can tell who they are in the peloton.

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Clik here to view. LBL Trek 1

Of course, Panda Power was in full force. Unfortunately, he was not to see Dan Martin on the final corner as he crashed out at about 40km from the finish. Poor lonely panda.

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Clik here to view. LBL panda 2

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Clik here to view. LBL Panda 1

 

Poor Panda – this year he was replaced by a pimp.

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Clik here to view. LBL pimp

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Clik here to view. LBL hand 1

That crash, however, did bring out another funny tweet from Chris Froome. The tweet that is ‘unavailable’ was from Eurosport who listed the riders who went down in that crash – and listed Froome. Who, as we can see, was on his sofa.

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Clik here to view. LBL Froome crash 1

InnerRing’s verdict on Betancur. I’m unsure as to what NYVelocity was talking about but I thought it was funny anyway.

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Clik here to view. LBL bulge 1

Do we think Jakob Fuglsang was making a funny or were his eyebrows too tight? (Sorry, Midge, I couldn’t resist.)

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Clik here to view. LBL Astana 1

The expressions on Valverde and Alaphilippe‘s faces are really rather priceless.

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Clik here to view. LBL finish 1

Honestly, I think you could lock Jered Gruber in a closet when a race was on and he’d still come away with a fantastic picture.

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Clik here to view. LBL finish 2

I had to put this in because that little boy (I’m assuming he’s Valverde’s son) is possibly the cutest thing I’ve ever seen. Unsure as to the bright orange lobster claws – what sponsor was giving those out, I wonder?

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Clik here to view. LBL finish 3

 

Back to the French star …

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Clik here to view. LBL Alaphilippe 2 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. LBL Alaphilippe 1

 

I think it’s love.

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Clik here to view. LBL Badger cub

 

Tim’s man-crush is back!

Cav has been storming it in Turkey. And there have been some great pictures, which I will show you now.

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Clik here to view. TU Cav 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. TU Cav 2 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. TU Cav 3

And the lovely Jon Baines is out in Turkey following the race with his camera. Hoping more of these pop up in the twitterstream this week.

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Clik here to view. TU Cav 5

 

The Gruppetto

York is going to be the place to be for cycling this summer. I love this poster.

 

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Clik here to view. G York poster

Chava as a pup. (2008)

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Clik here to view. G Velo 2008

Another year and this kid’ll be bigger than #KwiatKrush.

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Clik here to view. G tiy WC

Thor and the Prince of Monaco. No, seriously.

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Clik here to view. G Thor Prince

Boy, Sagan‘s hair is getting really fluffy and full of body, don’t you think? And he has a pretty snazzy kitchen too.

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Clik here to view. G Sagan kitchen

When marketing speak goes Fabianese. ‘Unobtainium earsocks and nosebombs’ is a sentence I really don’t want to get involved with.

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Clik here to view. G Oakleys

 

We had some creepy pics in last week’s Tweets but this one is giving them a run for their money. A giant Tony Martin in a skirt.

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Clik here to view. G Martin doll

Love this picture from Marshall Kappel.

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Clik here to view. G Marshall 1

And this one from Kristof Ramon – absolutely fantastic.

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Clik here to view. G Kramon pic

Sunbathing in your cycling kit – kind of like that film where the Schleck brothers went fishing in their kit (including cycling shoes).

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Clik here to view. G Haas grass

Fancy meeting you here!

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Clik here to view. G Gerrans Gallopin

Speaking of ‘unobtainium’, heeeeeere’s Fabs! He’s back (and yet he’s still not mine …)

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Clik here to view. G Fabs healed

A pooch in your pannier. Personally, I’ve found there are a lot of people who like animals way more than they like people so maybe this isn’t such a crazy idea after all.

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Clik here to view. G dog pannier

Another fabulous picture – this one from Tour of Croatia.

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Clik here to view. G Croatia 1

And the Ladies’ Favourite™, but still with the beard!

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Clik here to view. G Bernie 1

The last word

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Clik here to view. Last word

 

 

 

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Clik here to view.
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Tweets of the Week: Yorkshire, Turkey and a syrupy farewell

May 5, 2015, 4:30 am
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It was a busy week in cycling – we had race overlapping race overlapping race overlapping an Hour record. Hard to keep up – lucky we have the Twitterstream to dive into! This week, we have Kittel, Wiggins and the crowds at Tour de Yorkshire; Cav, Greipel and great photos from Tour of Turkey; lots of one-offs in the gruppetto and a special section for the irrepressible Ted King.

Yorkshire puds

Crowds, crowds and more crowds. It was beautiful weather, a Bank Holiday, a strong field – why wouldn’t people be lining the streets?

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Clik here to view. TdY pic 3

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Clik here to view. TdY pic 2 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. TdY pic 1

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Clik here to view. TdY crowds 1

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Clik here to view. TdY crowds 2

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Clik here to view. TdY clouds

AND the lovely Wei Yuet was on hand to document the race!

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Clik here to view. TdY lone

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Clik here to view. TdY climb

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Clik here to view. TdY Kittel 1

And speaking of Marcel Kittel aka The ArgoSunGod, the TdY was his first race back from a looooong while but unfortunately he was still not in racing form.

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Clik here to view. TdY Kittel back

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Clik here to view. TdY Kittel 5

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Clik here to view. TdY Kittel 3

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Clik here to view. TdY 5

A few observations of the weekend.

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Clik here to view. TdY Tete

Good to see that there’s some crazy dude with horns at this race.

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Clik here to view. TdY sheep

So bets are being taken for Samu‘s post-retirement career. Owner of a chain of hair salons or the newest celebrity chef?

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Clik here to view. TdY Samu podium Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. TdY Samu hair cut

The second best attended race in the world. In the world? The conversation then takes a turn to the Hebrides.

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Clik here to view. TdY 2nd best

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Clik here to view. TdY 2nd best 2 Image may be NSFW.
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Clik here to view. TdY 2nd best 4

Team Wiggins (I refuse to upper case the entire name) looking all big and bad. Except I cannot possibly take anyone seriously who wears a navy blue jersey with black bibs. I cannot stand navy blue and black together – it’s just plain wrong (or it might be a Fondue foible – but it’s still wrong).

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Clik here to view. TDY Wiggins 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. TdY Wiggins team 1b

Navy jersey, black bibs and WHITE socks? That can’t be right in anyone’s book.

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Clik here to view. TdY Wiggins retire 2 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. TdY Wiggins retire 1

I think they got this from the set of Heartbeat. Didn’t even have to change the paint job.

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Clik here to view. TdY Wiggins deathstar

Turkey nuggets

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Clik here to view. TU Greipel Popeye Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. TU legs

Another of our favourite photographers, Jon Baines, was at Tour of Turkey and had been posting up some fantastic pictures.

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Clik here to view. TU pic Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. TU Greipel legs Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. TU final

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Clik here to view. TU Cav tent Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. TU Cav 1

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Clik here to view. TU Boonen

Pancakes for everyone

It was a sad day for so many fans when Ted King announced that this would be his last season. After his announcement, fans got in touch and, as always, Ted was as lovely and funny as ever with his responses.

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Clik here to view. Ted King announcement

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Clik here to view. King 1

Ain’t no frills in New England.

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Clik here to view. King 3

Ah, it’s that cheeky chappy look that flummoxes us.

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Clik here to view. King 4

Food has always played a big part in Ted’s career. And quite right.

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Clik here to view. King 5a Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. King 5b

This is brilliant – maple cookie portrait.

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Clik here to view. King 6a

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Clik here to view. King 6b

The musette of the maple syrup king.

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Clik here to view. King 2

The gruppetto

Following on from Ted’s remark about the magician, here’s a little Valverde action. This first tweet made me snort with laughter on a crowded commuter train. Luckily, they’re all pretty used to that kind of thing from me.

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Clik here to view. G Valverde kiss

And he has a magic wand … (that is not a euphemism).

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Clik here to view. G Valverde wand 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. G Valverde wand 2

Mick Jagger looking like a minion.

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Clik here to view. G Uran glasses

G is back in town.

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Clik here to view. G Thomas UK

Steele von Hoff posing for the new Vulpine lookbook.

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Clik here to view. G Steele Vulpine

I don’t think Pippo can go for more than three or four hours without taking off his top. Can you imagine what that’s going to look like when he’s 74…

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Clik here to view. G Pozzato back

…like Chris Horner?

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Clik here to view. G Horner 74

Speaking of age … hmmm

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Clik here to view. G Rebellin yell

Oh good Lord!

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Clik here to view. G Aru

Photographer Camille Mcmillan raised a fair amount of money in about 36 hours to get his book into production, via Kickstarter. And this is one of his pictures that made a lot of people stump up some cash. It’s the Ladies Favourite.

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Clik here to view. G Bernie

Tears of joy from a certain Hour Record holder. Well done to Alex Dowsett.

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Clik here to view. G Dowsett 2 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. G Dowsett 1

The Last Word

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Clik here to view. Last word 2

 

 

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Search

Giro Tweets: Porte cabin, Flecha watch and spiralling dreams

May 12, 2015, 4:30 am
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It’s the first of this year’s Giro Tweets of the Week and we have lots to get through. From trophy gazing to trailer talk, Flecha to Shazam, I’ve buckled up my hip waders to fish them all out of the Twitterstream just for you.

Spiral!

Professional cycling has some amazing trophies – from the Tirreno trident to the Tour of Britain’s giant wheels of cheese – but none is more beautiful and elegant than the trophy that is presented to the Giro champion.

It seems that Mick Jagger and Big Tom have been told not to look directly at the trophy (it’s just too mesmerising). Can you believe this is Boonen’s first Giro?

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Clik here to view. Giro Trophy 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Giro Trophy 2

“Hey baby, I’ve got my own Caravan of Luuurve. Fancy coming back to my place? We’ll be all alone, I promise!”

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Clik here to view. Giro Trophy 3 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Giro Trophy 4

Nathan Haas has possibly tripped on to the only way Garmin will get to take the lovely Spiral home with them.

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Clik here to view. Giro trophy 5a Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Giro trophy 5

With the trophy comes the mascot. A few years ago, the Giro mascot was some sort of, well, alien creature. They’ve since gone with a giant wolf that has one jaunty fang (so pretty toothless as wolves go).

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Clik here to view. Giro Mascot 3a Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Giro Mascot 3 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Giro Mascot 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Giro Mascot 2

It really is amazing how grown men can hold plushies so nonchalantly.

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Clik here to view. Giro Ryder 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Giro Ryder 2

I’m saying I’m putting this in because of the Porte-plushie combo but let’s face it – it’s because The Ladies Favourite has shaved off that atrocious beard. Hearts were aflutter once again.

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Clik here to view. Giro BernieSpeaking of hearts aflutter, seems that Juan Antonio Flecha‘s new career as Eurosport roving reporter has brought him lots of fans.

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Clik here to view. Giro Flecha 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Giro Flecha 2

He was wearing hot pink jeans the other day, which solicited this tweet. I’m sure there was no double entrendre intended.

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Clik here to view. Giro Flecha 6

There was also a discussion as to who The Flecha looked like. Is it Starsky (sans cardigan)?

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Clik here to view. Giro Flecha 3

Or is it Greg Brady?

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Clik here to view. o9le2r

And speaking of lookie-likies. Elia Viviani and Alistair McGowan. Uncanny, no?

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Clik here to view. Giro viv twin

But there is only one Adam Hansen. His Cheekiness™ is riding to complete his eleventh consecutive Grand Tour. Thems a lot of miles.

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Clik here to view. Giro Hansen 3 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Giro Hansen 4 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Giro Hansen 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Giro Hansen 2 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Giro Hansen 5 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Giro Hansen 6 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Giro St3 Hansen

Yet it seems there are members of the public who really don’t care that a Grand Tour is on their doorstep.

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Clik here to view. Giro Tinkoff specs Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Giro Specs 2 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Giro specs 3

The picture round

A gallery of the first weekend’s snaps, just for you.

Cadel Evans has a word with Barbie.

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Clik here to view. Giro Cadel 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Giro Cadel 2

Alberto Contador, quite simply, is not going to be taking any sass from anyone.

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Clik here to view. Giro Contador

Don’t know about you guys, but it sure doesn’t look like Bertie wants to be anywhere near this guy. There’s not even a half-hearted smile in those eyes.

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Clik here to view. Giro Contador Oleg

Giants on the hot pink carpet.

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Clik here to view. Giro Giant 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Giro Giant 2 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Giro Giant 3

Wei Yuet caught the ever popular Heinrich Haussler just before stage 3.

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Clik here to view. Giro Heine 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Giro Heine 2

 

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Clik here to view. Giro IAM 2 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Giro IAM 3

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Clik here to view. Giro Lampre love 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Giro Lampre love 2

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Clik here to view. Giro Ryder 3 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Giro Ryder 4

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Clik here to view. Giro Sky 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Giro Sky 2

Some champagne celebrations – and possibly the most honest thing a cyclist has said in a long time.

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Clik here to view. Giro TTT win 2 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Giro TTT win

PhilGil sharing his Powerbar with a Movistarlet.

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Clik here to view. Giro St3 PhilGil 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Giro St3 PhilGil 2

Of course, stage 3 was one that had everyone’s hearts in their throats – for all the wrong reasons. Two poignant comments …

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Clik here to view. Giro St3 win

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Clik here to view. Giro St3 one result

We all hope that Domenico Pozzovivo heals quickly and with no lasting problems.

RV talking to me?

Now here’s a topic that’s going to run and run – literally and figuratively. It seems in the quest for marginal gains, Sky have kitted out a luxury RV (apparently that’s not an oxymoron) for Richie Porte to use throughout the Giro, instead of packing and unpacking and sleeping in a different hotel every night. The Campervan of Solitude, if you will. Personally, I think he needs more than marginal gains to win this GT but I also think that separating one team member out from the others – no matter what the reason – can have subtle repercussions for the whole team. So maybe that negates the gains? We may never know. But, hot damn, it was a fun conversation on Twitter.

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Clik here to view. Giro RV hooligans 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Giro RV hooligans 2

In my book, you can put as many leather seats in the thing as you want, it’s still a trailer.

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Clik here to view. Giro RV interior

Possibly the best response ever.

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Clik here to view. Giro RV hotelsFor anyone who doesn’t know what this refers to, Shazam is not a music ID app but was a teen superhero (Billy Batson) who fought crime while travelling the highways and byways of America with his mentor in a motorhome.

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Clik here to view. Giro RV Shazam

 

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Clik here to view. Giro RV Tinkoff 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Giro RV Tinkoff 2 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Giro RV Trapper Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Giro RV Valverde

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Clik here to view. Giro LTD camper 1

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Clik here to view. Giro LTD camper 2

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Clik here to view. Giro RV Oleg

Liberace’s bedroom, in case you don’t have the kind of imagination that Velocast does.

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Clik here to view. Screen shot 2015-05-12 at 11.19.08

Maybe a less silly conversation around the team dynamics of being sequestered in a motorhome every night.

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Clik here to view. Giro RV team 7Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Giro RV team 5

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Clik here to view. Giro RV team 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Giro RV team 2

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Clik here to view. Giro RV team 3

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Clik here to view. Giro RV Porte cabinAnd now Richie’s mad as hell and in his pants …

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Clik here to view. Giro RV Porte 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Giro RV Porte 2

The gruppetto

That Boy Phinney has gone all Jean-Michel Basquiat on us.

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Clik here to view. G Taylor 1 You can only tell David Gower and Oleg Tinkoff apart by the eyes. The crazed look in them.

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Clik here to view. G Oleg Gower 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. G Oleg Gower 2

A crazed look not dissimilar to this one.

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Clik here to view. G Schwinn 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. G Schwinn 2

Didn’t Cipollini used to smoke on the bike? He was just trying to be Sean Connery.

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Clik here to view. G Chesterfield 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. G Chesterfield 2

I miss Freddie.

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Clik here to view. G Freddie 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. G Freddie 2

Ah, he looks so young and cool.

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Clik here to view. G Bacon 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. G Bacon 2

The last word

#WW108

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Clik here to view. Last word

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Clik here to view.
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Giro Tweets of the Week: Oleg’s toy, FlechaWatch, Podiums aplenty

May 19, 2015, 4:29 am
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The first nine days of the Giro have been jam-packed with action – and stories. Last week seems to have been all about paradoxes – the good and the bad, the mouthy and the silent, the boring and the restful – in the form of Contador, Formolo, Flecha, Cipollini, Dowsett and Sagan (among others).

Twists of fate

Every race is a microcosm of life – good things happen, bad things happen. And that was true for the first week of the Giro. Let’s start with the good. Cannondale-Garmin have been trying to find their feet all season. They found it on stage 4 when Davide Formolo took time off from his paper route to take a lovely solo win and was a popular winner all round.

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Clik here to view. Formolo 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Formolo 2 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Formolo 3 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Formolo 4

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Clik here to view. Formolo 8 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Formolo 13 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Formolo 12 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Formolo 7 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Formolo 6

There was also the bad. Once again, we had a significant crash that left a rider hospitalised. I don’t think we need to see the pictures of Daniele Colli‘s arm again – just suffice to say, it was a gruesome injury.

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Clik here to view. Colli injury 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Colli injury 2 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Colli injury 3

Alberto Contador was also caught up in the crash, leading to much speculation – and confusion – for the rest of the week. Was he faking? Was it dislocated, broken, partial dislocation? In instances like this, I go with whatever The Inner Ring says, the Voice of Reason™.

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Clik here to view. Contador injury 1

His every movement was scrutinised in the next stage – the longest (and most drawn-out) stage of the Giro. Hostilities were laid to one side, for one day only.

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Clik here to view. Contador injury 2

Then yesterday we see Baby Blackbird with an icepack on his face at the end of the stage. More speculation (and some humour).

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Clik here to view. Contador injury 5 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Contador injury 6 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. contador injury 7

Beth hits the nail on the head.

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Clik here to view. Contador 1

But the good news this weekend from a bad day earlier in the week was the appearance of Domenico Pozzovivo in the Giro press room.

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Clik here to view. Pozzo 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Pozzo 2 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Pozzo 3I think the tweet from Crikey Cadel after Diego Ulissi kissed the ground says it all.

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Clik here to view. Ulissi 6

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Clik here to view. Ulissi 2 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Ulissi 5

Oleg’s toy

Oleg has, again, put the cat amongst the pigeons – in other words, shot his mouth off, tried to shame his riders, and basically pissed off anyone who loves cycling. His target was Peter Sagan. If I remember correctly, he was thrilled to have signed the Velvet Samurai last year.

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Clik here to view. Oleg toy 3

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Clik here to view. Oleg toy 1

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Clik here to view. Oleg toy 4 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. oleg toy 7 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Oleg toy 8 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Oleg toy 9

If in doubt, blame the bloke you fired.

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Clik here to view. Oleg toy 10

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Clik here to view. Oleg toy 12

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Clik here to view. Oleg toy 11

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Clik here to view. Oleg toy 14 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Oleg toy 16

Peter Sagan, on the other hand, has said that he doesn’t want to talk to Oleg through the press and that was that. He just went about winning the Tour of California.

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Clik here to view. Sagan win a1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Sagan win 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Sagan win 3a Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Sagan win 3b Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Sagan win 3c Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Sagan win 2a Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Sagan win 2 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Sagan win 1a Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Sagan win 1b

And just in case anyone was under the impression that Oleg was in it for anything other than ego, he had this to say.

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Clik here to view. Oleg toy 2

The longest stage

With 264km of go-slow, tweeters had to amuse themselves on Friday.

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Clik here to view. Boring Dull stage 1

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Clik here to view. Boring Dull stage 2

Whoever is in charge of the Giro’s twitter account scored the best tweet of the day. “I’m watching you”

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Clik here to view. Boring stage 2 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Boring stage 3 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Boring stage 5

The lack of great road art continues to be a point of exasperation for many of us. The Classics’ tractor parades are hard to beat – you have to really put your back into it, people.

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Clik here to view. boring stage 8 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Boring stage 9 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. boring stage 12

Tom Dumoulin tweets what we’re all thinking.

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Clik here to view. Boring stage

There’s boring and then there’s the rest day – a much needed day off for the peloton.

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Clik here to view. Rest day 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Rest day 4 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Rest day 5

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Clik here to view. rest day 9 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. rest day 8 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. rest day 7aa Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. rest day 7a Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. rest day 7 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. rest day 6

FlechaWatch!

He’s here for the whole Giro.

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Clik here to view. Fleche 3 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Fleche 4

Photobombed

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Clik here to view. Fleche 5a Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Fleche 5

No banana strategy today.

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Clik here to view. Fleche 6

We’re so sorry, Uncle Albert …

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Clik here to view. Fleche 7

Do NOT mess with the pink jeans. You will feel our wrath!

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Clik here to view. Fleche 8

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Clik here to view. Fleche 11 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Fleche 12 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Fleche 13

Okay, so Juan Antonio isn’t an eyesore, but what we really love about him is his enthusiasm when he talks about the stage and the rapport he has with the riders as he interviews them. Contador has never looked so animated in an interview as when he’s talking to our hero.

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Clik here to view. Fleche 9 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Fleche 10

I’m too sexy for my shades …

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Clik here to view. Fleche 14a

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Clik here to view. Fleche 14

Very possibly a wardrobe error here.

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Clik here to view. Fleche 16 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Fleche 16a

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Clik here to view. Fleche 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Fleche 2

And this. I suspect alcohol has something to do with this outfit. Just maybe.

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Clik here to view. Flecha hat 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Flecha hat 2

Podiums and all

Just some great pictures from the week.

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Clik here to view. Podium 1a Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Podium 1

One of my favourite podium pictures ever, from the magificent Karen Edwards.

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Clik here to view. Podium tears 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Podium tears 2 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. podium 8 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Podium 7a Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. podium 7

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Clik here to view. podium 9

Julian Alaphilippe‘s expression says: ‘French women would never be caught wearing those hats. Jamais!”

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Clik here to view. podium 6

A smile that could launch a thousand ships.

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Clik here to view. Podium 4 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Podium 3a Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Podium 3

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Clik here to view. pics 9

He was new for maybe a day – Simon Geschke holds the maglia azzurra into the rest day.

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Clik here to view. pics 8a Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. pics 8

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Clik here to view. pics 4

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Clik here to view. pics 7

“So, here’s the deal. I’m just going to ride on your wheel for three weeks, take time on the ITT, and we’ll see how that goes, okay?” “You ride your race, I’ll ride mine.”

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Clik here to view. pics 6

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Clik here to view. Pics 2

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Clik here to view. pics 5 Image may be NSFW.
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Clik here to view. Pics 1

The gruppetto

Just me, or do these three look slightly inflated?

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Clik here to view. G Orica pink 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. G Orica pink 2

What is the significance of the cactus – just phallic or something more? And is that a blurred Mick Jagger?

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Clik here to view. G Cactus 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. G cactus 2

Vowels to consonants

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Clik here to view. G consonants 2

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Clik here to view. G consonants 1

Trying to disguise himself to avert the attentions of the owner?

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Clik here to view. G Juul Jensen 1a Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. G Juul Jansen

Rapha has been a bit off the boil lately but this jersey is gorgeous.

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Clik here to view. G Kennaugh 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. G Kennaugh 2

Just rustling up some shoes for lunch. Ah, remember the Sidi days?

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Clik here to view. G Sidi shoes

Mullet muscle

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Clik here to view. G Uran mullet 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. G Uran mullet 2

Tom. Wish we were seeing more of him in this Giro.

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Clik here to view. G Boonen 2 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. G Boonen 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. G Boonen 3

Tinkoff bidon vest.

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Clik here to view. G Bidon vest 1

“Hello, control? Yeah, he still recognises me even when I’m disguised as Marge Simpson. I can’t drop him. What’s the plan?”

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Clik here to view. Astana marge 1a

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Clik here to view. Astana marge 1

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Clik here to view. G Pirazzata

Some ex-pros.

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Clik here to view. G ex-riders 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. G ex-riders 2a Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. G ex-riders 2

Gorilla shoes.

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Clik here to view. G Gorilla shoe

One of my favourite tweets all week.

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Clik here to view. G Little Prince

The last word

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Clik here to view. Last word genie

 

 

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Clik here to view.
↧

Giro Tweets: Curlsgate, Selfiegate, Wheelgate

May 26, 2015, 4:30 am
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It was an eventful second week of the Giro d’Italia, to say the least. We had Richie Porte‘s Orica assist (Wheelgate), Chris Froome suggesting that Roger Federer man up (Selfiegate) and the seismic reaction to Juan Antonio Flecha‘s haircut (Curlsgate). We also have Alberto Contador bossing Astana, breakfast with That Boy Phinney and much, much more.

Wheel’s on fire!

It doesn’t look like Richie Porte can catch a break when he’s a GT team leader. And the second week of this year’s Giro will surely be one that he hopes to forget. It all started with an Aussie wheel change.

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Clik here to view. Wheelgate 1

 

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Clik here to view. Wheelgate rules 3

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Clik here to view. Wheelgate Richie thanksHowever, this Aussie wheel change was also an illegal change according to the UCI rules. This is what the rule says:

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Clik here to view. Wheelgate Panache 2

Porte and Clarke were both fined and penalised two minutes. That wasn’t a big deal for Clarke but it pretty much buried Porte’s chances of making the final podium. The reactions from the Twittersphere was pretty much half people who felt that the UCI were heavy-handed and those who didn’t.

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Clik here to view. Wheelgate panache 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Wheelgate panache 3

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Clik here to view. Wheelgate rules 1

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Clik here to view. Wheelgate Panache 5 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Wheelgate Panache 6

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Clik here to view. Wheelgate 8

You know all those conspiracy theory documentaries? Surely this could provide quite a lot of material for an hour special. “Who was the Team Sky member just watching at the sidelines?” “Why would two Orica riders help a rival?” “And who will sleep in the motorhome now?”

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Clik here to view. Wheelgate pic 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Wheelgate pic 2

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Clik here to view. Wheelgate 7

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Clik here to view. Wheelgate rules 4

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Clik here to view. Wheelgate rules 6

Team Sky tried to harness the outrage of twitterers by launching the #SupportPorte hashtag to try to pressure the UCI to rethink the penalty. It didn’t work. The penalty stood.

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Clik here to view. Wheelgate 9

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Clik here to view. Wheelgate rules 2

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Clik here to view. Wheelgate handshake 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Wheelgate handshake 2

It just went from bad to worse for Porte – he crashed on Friday and hurt his knee, then he bombed in the TT. Sunday’s stage saw him lose something absurd like 27 minutes. The motorhome was going to get a new occupant as he went home on Monday.

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Clik here to view. Richie nail 1

Kiryienka won the TT and Konig was riding strong. But he didn’t look like he knew what the hell was going on. Or if he could jimmy the lock on the RV if Richie refused to hand over the keys.

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Clik here to view. Richie out 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Richie RV 2 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Richie RV Froome

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Clik here to view. Richie RV Kiryienka Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Richie RV Siutsou Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Richie saving

Meet the new boss, same as the old boss

Contador didn’t have things all his way this week – except that he did, really. Fabio Aru (aka Marge Simpson) was able to nick the maglia rosa from him, due to his being caught behind a crash 3.2km from the finish on Friday, but he limited his losses by jumping on a teammate’s bike and riding like a Baby Blackbird out of hell. Porte was also involved in the crash. He didn’t limit his losses.

This is what Bertie looks like, out of pink.

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Clik here to view. Contador TT warmup 1a Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Contador TT warmup 1b

Even Wolfie loves Bertie.

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Clik here to view. Contador wolfie 1a Image may be NSFW.
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Clik here to view. Contador wolfie 2 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Contador wolfie 4 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Contador wolfie 5

I wonder what’s going through his mind with a look like that on his face.

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Clik here to view. Contador pic 1a Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Contador pic 1b

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Clik here to view. Contador boss 1 Image may be NSFW.
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Clik here to view. Contador boss 3 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Contador boss 5

This is what Aru looked like in his maglia rosa TT skinsuit. Heavens. Those nasal strips really don’t do him any favours.

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Clik here to view. Aru Marge 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Aru Marge 2

C’est fromage!

In the world of sports and selfies, riders have been dealing with dickheads with smartphones for some time now. But during the French Open, a fan outfoxed security to get on court and try to get a selfie with Roger Federer. The Swiss star was appalled.

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Clik here to view. Selfie gate 1

Chris Froome put into tweets what a lot of cycling fans were thinking.

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Clik here to view. Selfiegate 2

Which didn’t go over very well with Sergiy Stakhovsky, a Ukrainian player. He has since deleted his tweet but not before a dwuori screengrab.

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Clik here to view. Selfiegate 4 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Selfiegate 5

But let’s look at this in black and white. The black and white of Daniele Colli‘s x-rays.

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Clik here to view. Selfiegate colli xray

Hairdresser on fire!

The FlechaWatchers saw perhaps one of the most chilling tweets in their timeline.

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Clik here to view. Flecha haircut announcement

We prayed Juan Antonio wouldn’t let Maxime Bouet get near him with the scissors – look what he did to Mick Jagger!

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Clik here to view. Flecha cut Uran

FlechaWatchers were on tenterhooks. Some of us reacted to the news like this little girl in the Oval Office. (This excellent picture is of @BenjaminFMoser’s niece.)

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Clik here to view. Flecha our reaction Obama

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Clik here to view. Flecha NOOOO 3

And then the confirmation. Who cares??!!! We care! We care!!!

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Clik here to view. Flecha NOOOO ocean Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Flecha pink jeans 1

It was with a collective sigh of relief when we saw our hero post-CurlsGate.

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Clik here to view. Flecha post OK 1a Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Flecha post OK 1b

There was, however, a question about what the hell was going on with Ashley.

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Clik here to view. Flecha post reaction 2a

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Clik here to view. Flecha post 2

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Clik here to view. Flecha post reaction 2b

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Clik here to view. Flecha post reactionWe’re not so sure about the hot pink fedora, however.

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Clik here to view. Flecha post 1a Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Flecha post 1b

Once we bounced back from Curlsgate, we went back to talking about his wardrobe. He never misses. Brazilian colours for the Imola stage in honour of Ayrton Senna. Nice touch.

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Clik here to view. Flecha post yellow

Just a last, longing look at Juan Antonio with curls *and* pink jeans – a devastating combo! Hey baby, how you doin’?

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Clik here to view. Flecha pre pink 2

The Gruppetto

Nice bit of photoshopping from the Jumbo Bees.

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Clik here to view. G break suspects 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. G break suspects 2

Now that’s a fine looking cake.

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Clik here to view. G Gallopine 1a Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. G Gallopin 1b

Always good to see the Grubers’ work.

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Clik here to view. Ryder pic 1b

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Clik here to view. G hard day 1a

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Clik here to view. G hard day 1b

If only ice cream cones came in that size.

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Clik here to view. G icecream 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. G icecream 2

The ArgoSunGod has been spotted back in the peloton. Let’s hope he gets his form back for a storming July.

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Clik here to view. G Kittel 1a Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. G Kittel 1b Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. G Kittel 3

The podium girls dwarfed Mikel Landa on Sunday’s podium.

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Clik here to view. G Landa 1b Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. G Landa 1a

“So, yeah, you know, um, there’s a dance on Friday night. You know, if, um, you’d like to go, I can, um, let you ride on my handlebars.”

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Clik here to view. G leg over

Wei Yuet can even make fantastic photographs with a smartphone.

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Clik here to view. G Madonna 1a Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. G Madonna 1b

I just loved this picture.

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Clik here to view. G pics in pics 1a Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. G pics in pics 1b

An honest and poignant tweet.

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Clik here to view. G sad 1

Aru has yet to find his poker face.

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Clik here to view. G sad 2

Sting!

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Clik here to view. G shower gel

It’s been nearly a year since the terrible crash that put That Boy Phinney out of action. But it looks like, hopefully, he’ll be back in the peloton soon. He’s looking good, well, in this picture. The Capn Crunch pic – that facial hair has to go!

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Clik here to view. G Taylor cool 1a Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. G Taylor cool 1b Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. G USPro Taylor 1a Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. G USPro Taylor 1b Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. G Taylor crunch 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. G Taylor crunch 2

Good to see the King out and about.

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Clik here to view. G USPro Elvis 1a Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. G USPro Elvis 1b Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. G USPro glisten

Ben King is actually Rick Astley’s son. #True #MaybeNot

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Clik here to view. G USPro King

The Last Word

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Clik here to view. Screen shot 2015-05-25 at 19.08.00

 

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Clik here to view.
↧

Giro Tweets: Arrivederci Italia, mille grazie!

June 2, 2015, 4:30 am
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The final climbs have been ridden, the final maglia rosa presented to Alberto Contador and the pink confetti has been swept up. Before we say farewell, let’s have one last look at the contortionist face of Fabio Aru, a pink-haired nutter who insisted on riding alongside the peloton, and glorious enthusiasm of Juan Flecha Antonio.

The trials and tribulations of Fabio Aru

Astana’s bright young rider has been through everything: a hefty dose of instant karma, an attacking teammate, then triumph and a second place podium. And we’ve found he doesn’t so much as wear his heart on his sleeve than his pain on his face (as well as those blasted nasal strips).

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Clik here to view. Aru 17

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Clik here to view. Aru 13

Honestly, the guy must have thought he was hallucinating on those mountain slopes at times. “Is that a pig? No, that can’t be a pig. Maybe that knight will kill him. No! Fabio, get a hold of yourself and focus … bridge to Landa, bridge to Landa.”

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Clik here to view. Aru 3a Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Aru 3

His instant karma for attacking the maglia rosa during a mechanical.

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Clik here to view. Aru 10

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Clik here to view. Aru 8

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Clik here to view. Aru 11

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Clik here to view. Aru 9

If this picture isn’t something out of Dante’s Inferno, I don’t know what is. No wonder Fabio has that face on, he has screaming hooded figures and Johnny Lydon following him!

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Clik here to view. Aru 12

Obviously, pain and pleasure are closely connected for Fabio. When he won on Saturday, you really couldn’t tell if he was in pain or ecstatic.

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Clik here to view. Aru 14 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Aru 15

And Landa didn’t help much. They attack the maglia rosa, then he attacks his own rider. Remind you of anything? France, 2012?

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Clik here to view. Aru Attack Astana 1

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Clik here to view. Aru Landa 1

Then on Saturday, he granted no quarter to Zakarin on the Cima Coppi, which kind of shot him in the foot on the descent.

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Clik here to view. Aru 16

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Clik here to view. Aru Landa 3

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Clik here to view. Aru Landa 5

Cyclocosm summed it all up in one simple infographic.

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Clik here to view. Aru 7

But let’s move on.

A Giro kaleidoscope

Bits and tweets you might have missed along the way – some of the unsung heroes, some about hair. First up, my favourite Movistarlet, Andrey Amador.

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Clik here to view. Giro AA 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Giro AA 2

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Clik here to view. Giro AA 3

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Clik here to view. Giro AA 4

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Clik here to view. Giro AA 5

The triumph of Philippe Gilbert. WHAT is that trophy?

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Clik here to view. Giro PhilGil stage

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Clik here to view. Giro PhilGil 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Giro PhilGil 2

Luke Durbridge before the final stage, sitting next to the greatest smile in the peloton, Esteban Chaves.

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Clik here to view. Giro Orica 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Giro Orica 2

After the final stage. Not looking too happy about being hugged by the guy who rained on his parade.

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Clik here to view. Giro final stage 2

Where was Baby Blackbird’s team this last week? Fabrizio has found their hiding place.

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Clik here to view. Giro tinkoff hiding

Mick Jagger, hair and Maxime Bouet (the man who cut Jagger’s hair …)

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Clik here to view. Giro Uran 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. GiroUran 2 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Giro Uran 2b Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Giro Bouet 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Giro Bouet 2

We didn’t see as much of Luca Paolini in the peloton as we would have liked but he finished it up in style.

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Clik here to view. Giro Paolini 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Giro Paolini 2

I am unclear as to why the FDJ team are portrayed as horses. Playful ones.

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Clik here to view. Giro FDJ horses 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Giro FDJ horses 2

Always a good race when you get a panoramic shot from Jered Gruber.

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Clik here to view. Giro Gruber pink alone 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Giro Gruber pink alone 2

And it’s Cadel!

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Clik here to view. Giro Cadel 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Giro cadel 2

Some jersey talk. Visconti‘s son is practicing his podium salute or else he’s an airplane.

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Clik here to view. Giro blue jersey 1

Nizzolo took home the red points jersey. And unbelievably thick dark eyebrows. Maybe he could get some eyebrow tips from Jakob Fuglsang. (Sorry, Midge!)

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Clik here to view. Giro red jersey 3 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Giro Red jersey 3b

Always riding with a smile – Adam Hansen.

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Clik here to view. Giro Joker 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Giro Joker 2

Today smells like bacon and shoe polish …

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Clik here to view. Giro smells

Possibly the most heartfelt picture of the whole Giro. “Please rescue me. That pink-haired maniac is too much,” whispers Baby Blackbird.

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Clik here to view. Giro Bjarne 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Giro Bjarne 2

I just liked this picture. Unlike just about everyone else, I like the Ag2r kit.

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Clik here to view. Giro Ag2r

Good to see Daniele Colli at the final stage.

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Clik here to view. Giro AC and DC 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Giro AC and DC 2

Look, another great Gruber shot!

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Clik here to view. Giro Gruber Mortirolo 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Giro Gruber Mortirolo 2

The final stage was punctuated with tyre problems (see what I did there?). Luckily not for the maglia rosa.

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Clik here to view. Giro Juul Jensen puncture

And Kiss My Panache wins this round.

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Clik here to view. Giro Bibs 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Giro Bibs 2

DONE!

What some of the riders (and one careful owner) have to say about the race. I shudder to think what the hamster comment is about.

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Clik here to view. Giro done hamsters Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Giro done 6 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Giro done 7 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Giro done 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Giro done 3 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Giro done Kruijswijk 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Giro done 4a Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Giro done 4b

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Clik here to view. Giro jcheng b Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Giro Jcheng a

And Adam Hansen did it – he broke the record for finishing the most consecutive Grand Tours. On to France now!

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Clik here to view. Giro done 2

THINK PINK

Yeah. He did it. He dyed his hair pink.

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Clik here to view. pink start Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. pink confused

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Clik here to view. pink hair Bjarne

This is Oleg before he revealed his new do. Keeping everyone in suspense … scared and in suspense.

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Clik here to view. pink batman 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. pink batman 2

Celebrate by pouring the prosecco onto the pavement. Maybe he’s trying to make Astana riders slip on the bubbles?

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Clik here to view. Pink 2a Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Pink 1c

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Clik here to view. Pink 7

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Clik here to view. Pink 2b

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Clik here to view. Pink 4a Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Pink 4b Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Pink 5aAnd the lovely Dan Wuori won this round. (Bottom right hand corner. See the tiny hand?)

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Clik here to view. Pink accident 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Pink accident 2

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Clik here to view. Pink confetti 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Pink confetti 2

#FlechaWatch … the final week

There was much wailing and gnashing of teeth with the realisation that we won’t have our Flecha fix any more …

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Clik here to view. Flecha pink 7

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Clik here to view. Flecha pink 8

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Clik here to view. Flecha jersey 2 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Flecha eisel 4 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Flecha Bernie 1

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Clik here to view. Flecha Bernie 3

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Clik here to view. Flecha 8a Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Flecha 12 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Flecha brains 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Flecha brains 2

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Clik here to view. Flecha 2a Image may be NSFW.
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Clik here to view. Flecha 4 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Flecha 6b Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Flecha 6a

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Clik here to view. Flecha thanks 1

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Clik here to view. Flecha thanks 2

We will be marching on Eurosport headquarters during June if we find out that our hero isn’t coming back in July for #FlechaWatch #TheSequel

The last word

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Clik here to view. G selfie stick

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Clik here to view.
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Special Tweets of the Hour: Smashing

June 9, 2015, 4:30 am
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The world’s longest hour ever is finally over – the clock has been ticking since Paris-Roubaix but finally, on Sunday, Sir Bradley Wiggins hit the boards for his Hour attempt. Here’s a smattering of the good, the bad and the notorious from the day. I did not, however, include any of the 7,856,987 tweets that said “Wiggo’s smashing it!”

We were wrong …

The lovely Dan Wuori went for 56+km. He was wrong. It’s said that Braddles didn’t pass 55km because the air pressure in London was all wrong. I’m surprised that didn’t stop the trains. (“Wrong type of air.”)

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Clik here to view. Wiggins 56+

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Clik here to view. Wiggins start 3

Well, well, well, what do we have here? We have a car with bikes on top – a support car that followed Bradley as he went lap after lap … oh, hold it. No. It didn’t. It just wanted to be seen in the middle of the Velodrome. As did the man in black beside it (who as you can see above predicted 55-56+km – he was wrong too). We’ll get back to him in a bit.

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Clik here to view. Wiggins start car Bruyneel

Egad! He came out a teensy weensy bit strong!

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Clik here to view. Wiggins start 1

And here we all thought the velodrome would be reverberating with the sounds of The Jam. We were wrong.

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Clik here to view. Wiggins no playlist

But there was food! Well, nutrition. SiS promised to give away gels if Braddles broke the record. (More on that later …)

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Clik here to view. Wiggins gels 1a

Stuck in the middle with you

There are a lot of people out there who would pay serious money to know what these two were talking about.

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Clik here to view. Wiggins Bruyneel 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Wiggins Bruyneel 2 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Wiggins Bruyneel 3 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Wiggins Bruyneel 4

But who let him in? Twitter was aquiver with outrage. This explanation from Cyclingnews. Well, at least he had to stump up some cash, I guess.

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Clik here to view. Screen shot 2015-06-08 at 19.20.36 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Screen shot 2015-06-08 at 19.16.29

Meanwhile, back on the track

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Clik here to view. Wiggins fan 1

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Clik here to view. Wiggins Pinarello throw

I think the less said about Wiggins’s cast iron ass the better. Let’s have some dignity!

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Clik here to view. Wiggins cast iron ass

The torture is over

54.526km was the distance. It is the distance a man goes to simulate childbirth. Apparently.

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Clik here to view. Wiggins done 1

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Clik here to view. Wiggins childbirth 1

A sampling of responses.

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Clik here to view. Wiggins done 2

Some famous names congratulated the Knight of the Realm.

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Clik here to view. Wiggins done 3

That’s Miguel Indurain, in case you didn’t know, who made a special trip to watch, reports the Telegraph. They also got a fairly odd quote from Wiggins – another case of his deeply ironic sense of humour, we wonder?

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Clik here to view. Screen shot 2015-06-08 at 19.18.53

While the man who started it all this last year had a few words to say.

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Clik here to view. Wiggins congrats 2 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Wiggins congrats 1

A gracious Alex Dowsett was one of the first off the mark to send his congratulations. There were many who had hoped that Dowsett’s record would stand – I wouldn’t put it past him to come back and give it another go.

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Clik here to view. Wiggins Dowsett 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Wiggins Dowsett 2 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Wiggins dowsett 4 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Wiggins dowsett 5

A hot iron and some appliques and that jersey is good to go. Well, it’s ready to go, not sure it’s ‘good’.

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Clik here to view. Wiggins rapha 3

I have to say, the mismatch of colours, the gold shoes, the black socks, the electric blue bibs, the dark blue (or is it black?) jersey, the gold helmet, the RAF bullseye, the conflicting typefaces on everything – he should have taken his style tips from French women. Always remove one thing after you think you’re finished accessorising.

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Clik here to view. Wiggins rapha 2 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Wiggins Rapha 1

Those free SiS gels? Over half a million were given away, according to sources close to the gel machine.

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Clik here to view. Wiggins SiS gelsAre those gels beer-flavoured then? Wow, I bet that would be a popular flavour.

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Clik here to view. Wiggins beer

Smash should only be about faux potatoes.

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Clik here to view. Wiggins smash 2

Never let it be said that David Millar lets an opportunity to self-promote pass him by. I don’t get the whole standing on Brailsford’s car like he broke the record – or calling down rain. Too many beer-flavoured gels, I suspect.

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Clik here to view. Wiggins millar car 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Wiggins Millar car 2 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Wiggins Millar car 3

And to end.

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Clik here to view. Wiggins Thanks

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Clik here to view. Wiggins Victory lap

The last word

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Clik here to view. Screen shot 2015-06-08 at 19.55.21

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Clik here to view.
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Tweets of the Week: Qhubeka love and caravan controversy

June 16, 2015, 4:30 am
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Is it just me or are the guys really racing hard all the time this season? We were treated to a cliffhanger of a Criterium du Dauphine last week and we have the tweets to prove it! We also have a few choice photos from the Tour de Suisse, as well as the controversy that will not end: Sky motorhomes.

On a knife edge

The Criterium du Dauphine had a lot to live up to, as last year’s final stage drama set a high bar. But the riders make the race and they went hell for leather the whole time. First up, Bouhanni Bouhanni Bou Bou Bouhanni.

I think you can only really admire the bombast and unflinching self promotion of Nacer Bouhanni. Unless maybe if you’re part of his team and he doesn’t recognise your contributions to his gloriousness.

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Clik here to view. CdD Bouhanni 2 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. CdD Bouhanni 3

By the way, that scrappy nasty half-way house of facial hair he’s sporting? Got. To. Go. It’s hideous.

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Clik here to view. CdD Bouhanni plushie

On the other hand, there was the stealth descending skills of Bouhanni’s compatriot Romain Bardet. So fast, so twisty, so balls to the wall, no wonder Bernard Hinault looked like he’d won the lottery when he took the young Frenchman in his arms. A man after his own heart.

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Clik here to view. CdD Bardet ground 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. CdD Bardet ground 2 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. CdD Bardet Hinault 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. CdD Bardet Hinault 2 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. CdD Bardet 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. CdD Bardet 2

Here’s an interesting discussion on the very subject of descending.

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Clik here to view. CdD Nibali descend 1

I am so totally loving MTN-Qhubeka. They didn’t come to the Dauphine to be anonymous – no siree! They were in the breaks, they were in the sprints, they were in the mountains. And Daniel Teklehaimanot gave the team their first World Tour jersey. I’m really looking forward to seeing what the team can do in the Tour de France.

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Clik here to view. CdD Tekleha jersey 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. CdD Tekleha jersey 2

(I’m really rather charmed by that little yellow hand waving on the bill of his hat.)

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Clik here to view. CdD Tekleha jersey 3 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. CdD Tekleha jersey 4

And speaking of jerseys, Simon Yates took the Best Young Rider’s jersey from the aforementioned Bardet in stage 6 and kept it to the end. He’ll be interesting to watch if he’s in the TdF team next month.

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Clik here to view. CdD Yates 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. CdD Yates 2

Speaking of white jerseys, Peter Kennaugh really does look the business in his British National Champion’s jersey, even when he’s yelling for a Coke.

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Clik here to view. CdD Kennaugh 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. CdD Kennaugh 2

It was a battle between the explosive rider versus the sustained effort rider; battle between the stem watcher and the eyes straight ahead. Tejay van Garderen put in a valiant effort to take the yellow and then to keep it. (The Shaggy-like beard thing? That can go.)

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Clik here to view. CdD Tejay 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. CdD Tejay 2

Sport is about emotion – and unfortunately heartbreak is all part and parcel of a great race. He really felt that.

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Clik here to view. CdD Tejay cruel 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. CdD Tejay cruel 2 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. CdD Tejay cruel 3

He does, however, have the makings of a petting zoo. Let’s hope he adds to his lion herd at the Tour.

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Clik here to view. CdD Tejay plushies

 

The guy who broke Tejay’s heart was, of course, Chris Froome. Promises of a motorhome awaited the victor.

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Clik here to view. CdD Froome Brailsford 1

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Clik here to view. Screen shot 2015-06-16 at 11.07.59

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Clik here to view. CdD Froome Brailsford 2

Sky was doing that Sky thing on the last couple stages – riding to a high tempo, decimating the peloton, making the race up to the point of their attack pretty dull. I’m prone to agree with NYVelocity on this one – give us a drunken DS (*not* a drunken owner, mind you) who lets his guard down and barks out mad instructions. Just once.

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Clik here to view. CdD Sky tactics

To sum up, here are a few tweets that were just too good to leave out. I am assuming that this first tweet was a quote from Carlton Kirby. Just a wild guess.

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Clik here to view. CdD Tony race

Marshall Kappel is doing some great work this season.

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Clik here to view. CdD Kappel Soudal 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. CdD Kappel Soudal 2

It looks like they’re cycling in a dream.

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Clik here to view. CdD rain pic

The second guy on the left of that picture. He got a few tweets during the Dauphine. The once and future villain.

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Clik here to view. CdD Valverde 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. CdD Valverde 2

Cowbells at the ready!

More Alpine fun at the Tour de Suisse. Of course, it all starts with Fabs.

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Clik here to view. TdS Trek presentation

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Clik here to view. TdS Fabs TT 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. TdS Fabs TT 2

Spritzer is filled with soft Alpine dew and ready to cool off the man they call Spartacus.

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Clik here to view. TdS Fabs TT spritz

I like this. I think spectators should sing to riders more often.

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Clik here to view. TdS happy birthday

So fresh-faced!

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Clik here to view. TdS Pinot 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. TdS Pinot 2

What, pray tell, is a shoe oven when it’s at home?Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. TdS Giant shoe oven 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. TdS Giant shoe oven 2

Lord Hoy! Would you look at the size of those thighs? Maybe this win will get the Velvet Samurai back on track and shut the pink-haired one’s mouth for a while.

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Clik here to view. TdS Sagan 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. TdS Sagan 2

Looks like we got ourselves a convoy!

Oh. F. F. S. I guess Brailsford’s marginal gains have nothing to do with team cohesion, camaraderie or esprit de corps. Neither do they have anything to do with sustainability, environmental stewardship or parking logistics. I wonder if the UCI is going to weigh in on this, considering that it is against the rules. Don’t hold your breath. (The UCI might let it slide – I’m betting the ASO doesn’t.)

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Clik here to view. Sky motorhomes 1

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Clik here to view. Sky motorhomes rules 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Sky motorhomes rules 2

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Clik here to view. Sky motorhomes 2 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Sky motorhomes 3 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Sky motorhomes 4 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Sky motorhomes 6 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Sky motorhomes 7

The Gruppetto

Sometimes the alphabet plays a blinder.

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Clik here to view. G lies 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. G lies 2

Andrey Amador turning a young fan away from the nightclub.

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Clik here to view. G Amador

Was he pushed or did he jump?

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Clik here to view. G Quintana dream 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. G Quintana dream 2

Socks. One of those subjects that gets people’s blood up.

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Clik here to view. G socks 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. G Socks 2

The Last Word

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Clik here to view. Last word 2

 

 

 

 

 

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Clik here to view.
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Tweets of the Week: Suisse, Sud, Sky and Surf

June 23, 2015, 4:30 am
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From the Tour de Suisse time trial nail-biter to Contador‘s flying descent in the Route du Sud, we’ve got all the action on the road this week. But one thing that won’t be on the road (or in the parking lot) is the Sky Motorhome Convoy. And as an added tweet-treat for summer, #FlechaWatch is back and catchin’ a wave (or two).

On the threshold

The Tour de Suisse had an exciting cast of characters. First up, everybody’s favourite Frenchman* Thibaut Pinot. (*this might not be strictly true). He rode into the yellow jersey by conquering an unprounceable climb with fire in his eyes.

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Clik here to view. TdS pinot win Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. TdS pinot win 2

What do we think of his new look? Horrible. Just horrible. The top right picture surely is Mark Cavendish just pretending to be Pinot?

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Clik here to view. TdS Pinot lookSee what I mean? We never saw them together during the week, now did we? To be honest, I didn’t actually realise Cav was in this race until I saw the tweets.

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Clik here to view. TdS Cav

The FDJ boyband. Arnaud Demare‘s national jersey really is a thing of beauty, isn’t it?

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Clik here to view. TdS FDJ lineup 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. TdS FDJ lineup 2

The jersey in action …

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Clik here to view. RdS Demare 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. RdS Demare 2

Moreno Moser just hangin’ out in his Calvins (and a few socks?) on the team bus. I think a pair of Ryder’s goggles would top that look off just dandy.

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Clik here to view. TdS naked 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. TdS naked 2

I will let Beeker have his say on this.

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Clik here to view. TdS naked 3

The Velvet Samurai was back in action – and he was within a whisker of breaking the record for most stage wins at the TdS. Switzerland seems to suit him so I suspect he’ll ‘put the record out of reach for decades’ next year.

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Clik here to view. TdS Sagan cap Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. TdS Sagan smile

Swiss TT time means Fabs time

The final time trial was ridden through the lovely medieval city of Bern – which just happens to be where Fabs lives. (It looks so different without night vision goggles…) So the Swiss crowd was even more thrilled to see him. As was I.

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Clik here to view. TdS Fabs smile 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. TdS Fabs smile 2

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Clik here to view. TdS TT queue 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. TdS TT queue 2

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Clik here to view. TdS Fabs TT start 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. TdS Fabs TT start 2

Possibly the best time check inflatable ever in the history of the world. I like Velocast’s crazy golf idea.

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Clik here to view. TdS TT clock balloon

Fabs set the best time by a long way early on in the day so he sat in the Alpecin HotSeat™ for quite some time. Until a Giant came to take his throne.

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Clik here to view. TdS TT Fabs hot seat 2

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Clik here to view. TdS TT Tom elegant Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. TdS TT Fabs hotseat 3

Tom Dumoulin might have taken his rightful place in the Alpecin HotSeat™ but it was really down to Geraint Thomas and Simon Spilak‘s performances to decide the final podium. NYVelocity’s tweet says everything we need to know about that.

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Clik here to view. TdS TT Fignon

Baby Blackbird in flight

It was also the Route du Sud, where there was the showdown between Alberto Contador and Nairo Quintana. In the end, the showdown was more hype than reality as Quintana didn’t take the bait.

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Clik here to view. RdS Contador 1I’m liking the lemony-lime colour of the Tinkoff kit. Has it always been this limey? We’ve got some god-awful camu thing for the Tour, don’t we? Oh dear …

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Clik here to view. RdS Contador 5 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. RdS Contador 6

It was the penultimate stage that Contador and Quintana busted out of the peloton. Poor Pierre Latour was in the mix too.

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Clik here to view. RdS CQL fugitive 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. RdS CQL fugitives 2

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Clik here to view. RdS CQL stage stoicBut it was the power of flight that gave Contador his edge. Get used to this view, guys, you’ll be seeing it a lot in July.

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Clik here to view. RdS Contador downhill 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. RdS CQL downhill 2

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Clik here to view. RdS CQL stoic 2

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Clik here to view. RdS CQL stage Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. RdS CQL stage 2

It’s the silent scream from Latour.

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Clik here to view. RdS Latour 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. RdS Latour 2

Bertie took the orange leader’s jersey and that was that.

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Clik here to view. RdS Contador win

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Clik here to view. RdS Contador podium 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. RdS Contador 4

Breaker Breaker …

Well, the Sky RV Convoy has been broken up before they could even get the PorteMobile steamcleaned. The UCI has said ‘Non!’ to the Sky caravan park. Some thought the ban was a good idea. Some didn’t.

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Clik here to view. Sky RV ban rule 1

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Clik here to view. Sky RV ban rule 2Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Sky RV 1

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Clik here to view. Sky RV ban backing

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Clik here to view. Sky RV ban 3

Even Chris Froome got into the debate. Quite honestly, though, is he saying that he was forced to sleep on the floor at the 2013 Tour (if the 102w on the picture is true)? Richie didn’t give up his bed for him? Bad Richie.

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Clik here to view. Sky RV ban Froome 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Sky RV ban Froome 2 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Sky RV ban Froome 3 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Sky RV ban Froome 4 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Sky RV ban Froome 5 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Sky RV ban hotel 2

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Clik here to view. Sky RV ban Kennaugh Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Sky RV bank socks

Just a final thought on this: didn’t Team Sky have a sustainability/green policy when it started, or did I just make that up in my mind? If they did (and I couldn’t find it on the website as there’s no search facility), how would they have retrofitted their commitment to a fleet of motorhomes lumbering around France for a month? The Pope would not be impressed.

The Gruppetto

The boys were in Baku for the European Games (although why we need more Games, I’m unsure) and Pippo was surprisingly fully dressed.

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Clik here to view. Baku Boonen 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Baku Boonen 2 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Baku Pippo 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Baku Pippo 2

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Clik here to view. Baku Pippo camu 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Baku Pippo camu 2 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Baku Terpstra 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Baku Terpstra 2

It was touch and go there for a bit while Adam Hansen had to wait for his x-rays from a nasty crash. Luckily, he will almost certainly be on the start line in Utrecht!

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Clik here to view. G Adam 12 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. G Adam 12 2

The Aviva Women’s Tour was actually televised last week. How proud are Hannah Barnes‘ parents with her stage win? I love this picture.

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Clik here to view. G Aviva 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. G Aviva 2

Thanks to Ant, we know what Chris JJ and Alex were talking about in this picture.

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Clik here to view. G Dowsett air

Love this poster by Eliza Southwood. A huge talent.

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Clik here to view. G Eliza poster 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. G Eliza poster 2

I really can’t think of anything to say about this next one, other than this Spartacus amulet is €870. I feel the fact that I don’t wear jewellery of any kind, not even a watch – either smart or stupid – has helped me dodge an expensive bullet here.

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Clik here to view. G Fabu amulet 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. G Fabu amulet 2

Our cry of longing was answered, all the way from the Indian Ocean. Juan Antonio Flecha sent us some holiday snaps. I nearly hyperventilated with excitement.

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Clik here to view. G Flecha surf 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. G Flecha surf 2

Why is Giant such a great team? Because they have great esprit de corps and the management keeps the team together.

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Clik here to view. G Giant signs

I see Mick Jagger is back to taking selfies of himself in the most improbable places.

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Clik here to view. G Jagger truck 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. G Jagger truck 2

Tell me Christian Knees does not look exactly like Mick Jagger in this picture.

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Clik here to view. TdS Knees Jagger

The Lotto boys have made this little girl’s day. I love this series of pictures. Cyclists are always so generous with their time – especially with the littlest fans.

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Clik here to view. G superlotto 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. G superlotto 2

So many questions … no believable answers.

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Clik here to view. G Voeckler panda

The Last Word

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Clik here to view. Last word 1

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Clik here to view.
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Search

Tour Tweets of the Week: The best of times, the worst of times

July 7, 2015, 4:30 am
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It’s only been three stages so far in the 2015 Tour de France but so much has happened – good, bad and ugly – it’s downright Dickensian. We’ve had #HardAsNails, young cubs and the pride of an old lion who lost, won and lost again. It’s a long one, this week, so settle back with a drink as we go from the presentation to the hospital.

Fresh faced and leaner than lean

It’s a boat load of Giants greeting the crowds. Everyone looked so excited!

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Clik here to view. Pres Giant boat a Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Pres Giant boat Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Pres Giant selfie 2 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Pres Giant selfie

Well, Katusha’s Luca Paolini has even trimmed back his beard in honour of the Tour! His bestubbled look is preferred here at Fondue Towers.

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Clik here to view. Pres Katusha selfie 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Pres Katusha selfie 2

And it’s the Tinkoffs with Baby Blackbird front and centre.

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Clik here to view. Pres Tinkoff selfie 1a Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Pres Tinkoff selfie

I guess the TdF organisers are not up on the nicknames – he’s Baby Blackbird not a canary, guys! Did all the GC favourites get a canary?

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Clik here to view. Pres Contador canary

As we saw in the Giro, Juan Antonio Flecha brings something sparkly out of the riders as he interviews them.

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Clik here to view. Pres Flecha 2a Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Pres Flecha 2

I am obsessed with the Velvet Samurai’s mane of hair. The best he’s looked in quite some time.

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Clik here to view. Pres Sagan 2 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Pres Sagan 1Tejay Van Garderen, however, went in the opposite direction, do-wise. Possibly to feel the breeze on his scalp through the helmet vents as he rides through France. Considering the heat in Utrecht on the weekend, he might have had the right idea.

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Clik here to view. Pres TvG 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Pres TvG 2

Romain Bardet, meanwhile, is still sporting the ‘seven-year-old’s-bed-head’ look. Cute.

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Clik here to view. Pres Ag2r selfie 2

My Beloved Cancellara was back and setting sail to what he said might very well be his last Tour de France. I wonder …

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Clik here to view. Pres Trek Selfie

I would think that any rider who was claustrophobic would not do well at one of these press conferences. Cav and KwiatKrush in the midst of the press scrum.

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Clik here to view. Pres Etixx 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Pres Etixx 2 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. pres Etixx 3

A slightly awkward, kind of strange, photoshoot with the Big Four. They seem to have found a time machine to take them back to a 1950s camp site. Oh, if only we could turn back time …

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Clik here to view. pres Four 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Pres Four 1a Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Pres Four 1b

“No, the memo said I could wear the aqua tee and navy shorts. I’m not going to change, YOU change.”

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Clik here to view. Pres Four 2

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Clik here to view. Pres Wiggo

Feelin’ hot hot hot

Stage 1 was a hotly contested individual time trial of 13.8km. Not that long, but it was absolutely roasting out there. Warning: this section contains gratuitous pictures of men covered in sweat.

Cav in the start house.

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Clik here to view. St1 Cav 1

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Clik here to view. St1 Cav 2

The answer to everything.

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Clik here to view. St1 41

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Clik here to view. St1 Contador 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. St1 Contador 2

I really wish I could set this column to play music … I would have loved the theme to Odd Couple come on as you scroll down to this picture.

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Clik here to view. St1 BMC warm

Giants on the course.

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Clik here to view. St1 Giant 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. St1 Giant 2 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. St1 Giant 3

If you wonder if the riders notice things in the crowd, Greg Henderson confirms that, yes, they do.

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Clik here to view. St1 Henderson

It might look a bit, well, crafternoon-y, the way the ice cubes were stuck to the velcro vest like giant fake diamonds, but needs must.

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Clik here to view. St1 Nibs ice Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. St1 Ice Contador Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. St1 KdK ice 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. St1 KdK ice 2

Thibaut on the turbo.

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Clik here to view. St1 Pinot

The lovely Alex Dowsett.

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Clik here to view. St1 Alex Kappel 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. St1 Alex Kappel 2 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. St1 Alex booty

Some magnificent pics from Jered Gruber.

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Clik here to view. St1 Gruber pics 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. St1 Gruber pics 2 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. St1 Gruber pics 4

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Clik here to view. St1 Cance 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. St1 Cance 2

Fabs was targetting the win to go into the yellow jersey but couldn’t beat Rohan Dennis‘s time – or Tony Martin‘s. In case you can’t read that caption, it says “It was so hot, my tongue felt like sandpaper.” Please note the reverential Juan Antonio waiting for Fabs to collect himself.

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Clik here to view. St 1 Cance 2

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Clik here to view. St1 Cance 4a Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. St1 Cance 4b

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Clik here to view. St1 Cance 5 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. St1 Cance 6

Rohan really was in the hot seat for most of the day. But it was worth it. He was the first yellow jersey of the 2015 Tour.

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Clik here to view. St1 close call

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Clik here to view. St1 Yellow hug

Everyone knows it’s windy

Stage two soaked the riders while splitting them up all along the road. Just like a March classic!

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Clik here to view. St2 Gruber 2a Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. St2 Gruber 1

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Clik here to view. St2 wind 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. St2 wind 2

One of the toughest riders in the race went down. From the TV pictures, you could see Adam holding his arm as if he had a shoulder injury, but gesturing for his bike. He was not going to let his 12th consecutive GT end in the second stage. (More on Adam in a minute)

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Clik here to view. St2 Hansen 1After all the rain and the echelons, it came down to a small bunch sprint. Hmmm, can you call four guys a ‘bunch’ – perhaps a sprig sprint.

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Clik here to view. St2 bunch

And the Gorilla takes the day. Seems odd that it would be the first time Andre Greipel wore the green jersey. Fully deserved.

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Clik here to view. St2 Greipel 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. St2 Greipel 2 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. St2 Greipel win1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. St2 Greipel win2

 

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Clik here to view. St2 Greipel green 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. St2 Greipel green

 

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Clik here to view. St2 Hansen 3 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. St2 Hansen 6

The old lion sprints for third to get the bonus seconds to take his 29th yellow jersey.

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Clik here to view. St2 Fabs yellow

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Clik here to view. St2 Cance 2 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. St2 Cance 5

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Clik here to view. St2 Cance interview 7

But, as seems to be the way of the racing, there was controversy. Cavendish controversy. Did he sit up? Who knows. Did he go too soon? Obviously. Did he realise that he was scuppering Tony Martin‘s dreams of the yellow jersey by coming fourth? Possibly not in the heat of the moment. Did everyone weigh in? Of course. Did Cav weigh back at them? Oh yeah.

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Clik here to view. St2 Cav 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. St2 Cav 2 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. St2 Cav 4 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. St2 Cav 5 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. St2 Cav 6 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. St2 Cav early

At least Tony got a kiss before the stage.

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Clik here to view. St3 Martin kisses

Meanwhile, in other news, KwiatKrush picks up most aggressive rider.

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Clik here to view. St2 Kwiat 1a

“Dad, do you think we’re going to get to peewee racing in time?” “Yes, now do your homework.”

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Clik here to view. St2 Kwiat 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. St2 Kwiat 2

Sometimes you just need some sugar. (And, hey, isn’t Marshall Kappel getting some downright fabulous pictures?)

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Clik here to view. St2 Sagan 3 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. St2 Sagan 2 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. St2 Thomas1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. St2 Thomas 2 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. St2 Thomas

A bit of honesty from Alex.

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Clik here to view. St2 Alex

It was a shoulder dislocation for Adam. But he’s still riding.

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Clik here to view. St2 Hansen pain

And broken shoes for Koen de Kort – only his pride wounded in this mishap.

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Clik here to view. St2 KdK shoes

And the final say on this stage:

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Clik here to view. St2 Griepel like

A rage of a stage

One of the most controversial stages in the history of the Tour de France, I reckon. Some people – both riders and fans – acquitted themselves with grace and compassion. Some did not. Personally, I know what kind of fan I’d like to be – and the kind of rider I’d like to be a fan of.

It started with a premonition.

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Clik here to view. St3 premonition

Then there was a massive crash – two in fact – which meant that the doctors and ambulances were tied up. The race officials decided to neutralise and then stop the race until bikes and riders and medical staff could get untangled.

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Clik here to view. St3 aftermath 9

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Clik here to view. St3 Neutral 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. St3 Neutral 2 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. St3 neutral 4 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. St3 neutral 5 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. St3 neutral 7 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. St3 neutral 8 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. St3 neutral 9

There is one or two pictures in here from the crash sight but only ones where the riders were up – I’m not interested in publishing pictures of guys strewn across the road and in the ditches. If you haven’t seen the crash pictures, you won’t need to after you see the tweets from the guys caught up in it. Some were able to get up and ride to the finish with injuries that makes you wonder if that was the smart thing to do. Others went straight into the ambulances.

One of the worst was FDJ’s William Bonnet. Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Bonnet annouce

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Clik here to view. St3 aftermath 1

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Clik here to view. St3 aftermath 10

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Clik here to view. St3 aftermath 2

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Clik here to view. St3 aftermath 16

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Clik here to view. St3 aftermath 15

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Clik here to view. St3 aftermath 7

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Clik here to view. St3 aftermath 14 Henderson Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. St3 aftermath Hend 3 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. St3 aftermath Hend 4 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. St3 aftermath Henderson

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Clik here to view. St3 aftermath 5

After that crash, the cars took the riders through a bollard-obstructed road. Miracle no one came down on those. What were they thinking?

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Clik here to view. St3 aftermath 6

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Clik here to view. St3 aftermath 13

 

As we all know, Fabian Cancellara came down in that crash and when he got up it looked like he was saying he’d hit his head and couldn’t see properly. But he got on his bike and rode the rest of the race, including the 20% gradients of the Mur de Huy. X-rays showed he fractured the opposite set of vertebrae as the ones he fractured in the spring.

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Clik here to view. St3 aftermath 12a Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. St3 aftermath 11b Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. St3 aftermath 8

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Clik here to view. St3 aftermath 3

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Clik here to view. Fabs instagram

The last word

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Clik here to view. Last word STef scary

 

 

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Clik here to view.
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Tour Tweets of the Week: #ForzaIvan, #HardAsNails and Naked Tuesday

July 14, 2015, 6:03 am
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There are a million stories in the naked city – and there are quite a few in the Tour de France as well. (Make note of the ‘naked’ bit, that’ll feature later on.) Carrying on from last week’s Tweets of the Week, it seems the peloton is going from one extreme to the other – often in the same 500 metres. Triumph and tears, broken bones and broken hearts. Settle back for Tony Martin, Peter Sagan, Daniel Teklehaimanot, #FlechaWatch, Greipel & Hansen larking about and a naked David Ginola. (Saywhat??)

#ForzaIvan

But first, the bombshell of yesterday’s rest day press conferences, Ivan Basso announced that he has been diagnosed with testicular cancer. The most elegant rider of the peloton was composed and dignified as he spoke of the circumstances leading up to his diagnosis – an unbelievable feat considered he was only told two hours before the press conference. Never has a crash been so fortuitous. Alberto Contador then said a few words about his friend and teammate, clearly on the verge of tears. Thankfully, the doctors caught the cancer very early and there’s every chance of a full recovery.

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Clik here to view. Basso 4 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Basso 3 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Basso 2 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Basso 1

Tougher than the rest

Well, Tony Martin finally got his yellow jersey, taking the cobbled stage into his own hands and winning it with unbelievable style and power. Twitter. Went. Wild. As did his team, with lots of face holding from Big Tom Boonen who had come to watch the stage. 

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Clik here to view. Martin Boonen 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Martin Boonen 2

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Clik here to view. Martin pave 2

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Clik here to view. Tony yellow 2

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Clik here to view. Martin yellow

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Clik here to view. Martin lion 1a

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Clik here to view. Martin bike 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Martin bike 2

Unlike the other holders of the jersey so far this Tour, Tony wore it more than just one day. He wore it for two, but was the holder for three (as he made it over the finish line still at the top of the GC). His crash, however, meant that he was out – on the stage that teammate Zdenek Stybar won with a cheeky solo run to the line – celebrating before he knew what happened to the yellow jersey.

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Clik here to view. Stybar 3a Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Stybar 4 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Stybar 3

Even with a broken collarbone – broken in something like four pieces with bits poking through – he got back on his bike, helped over the line by his teammates (what a beautiful gesture), then, THEN, with bones poking out, he goes to hug Stybar!

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Clik here to view. Martin teamwork

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Clik here to view. Tony shoulder 3 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Tony shoulder 4

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Clik here to view. Martin hug a Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Martin hug

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Clik here to view. Martin car 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Martin car 2

A representation of the crash,courtesy Etixx teammate Iljo Keisse. More reenactments with tiny figurines to come later in the column.

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Clik here to view. Tony shoulder 5Tony kept his cheerful nature even in the hospital. You gotta love this guy.

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Clik here to view. Martin shoulder 1

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Clik here to view. Martin shoulder 2

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Clik here to view. Martin Hospital 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Martin hospital 2

Of course, the lions need to get in on all this. They are the one constant in this race. They’re always here. They’re always smiling.

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Clik here to view. Tony lions 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Tony lions 2

Zippity doo-dah!

The Velvet Samurai has not only been all sorts of awesome during the race, but he’s been bright and shiny (not unlike the lions above) off the bike too. And, like a lion, he’s got a mane to die for. He’s taken the green jersey … he won’t be giving it back.

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Clik here to view. Sagan green 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Sagan jump 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Sagan jump 2 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Sagan jump 3

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Clik here to view. Sagan Russian dolls 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Sagan Russian dolls 2

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Clik here to view. Sagan 5 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Sagan 4 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Sagan 6a Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Sagan 6

He’s been doing a brilliant job of keeping Baby Blackbird safe and upfront on the arduous stages this week. Some say this is hampering Sagan. I love this answer from him.

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Clik here to view. Sagan 7 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Sagan 8

I love love LOVE this picture of him and someone’s granny.

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Clik here to view. Sagan 9

He can even get His Nibs to smile and laugh. This might be the only time we see that this Tour.

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Clik here to view. Sagan photobomb 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Sagan photobomb 2 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Sagan photobomb 3

Teklepolkadot!

Wonderful scenes of celebration around Daniel Teklehaimanot’s campaign for the polka dot jersey and the great Tour that MTN-Qhubeka are having.

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Clik here to view. Tekla 5 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Tekla 6 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Tekla 4 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Tekla 3a Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Tekla 3 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Tekla 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Tekla 2

Giving people the shirt off his back

Juan Antonio Flecha spent the first week of the Tour racing around to get interviews – and more importantly consolidating his hold on the title of ‘most stylish Eurosport presenter’.

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Clik here to view. Flecha caps 2 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Flecha caps 3 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Flecha caps

But our hero is not selfish with his style – or his clothes!

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Clik here to view. Flecha shirt 2

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Clik here to view. Flecha shirt 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Flecha shirt

HOWEVER! He has promised me, yes, ME, Kitty Fondue!, his pink Giro jeans (and one of his shirts), if I can deliver to him a working (and accurate) crystal ball for his ‘Juan’s To Watch’ segment. I am in touch with every single fortune teller in the Western world. I’ll see YOU in Paris, Juan Antonio!

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Clik here to view. Flecha deal 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Flecha deal 2 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Flecha deal 3

Put your pants back on!

I think there are some riders out there who could benefit from Juan Antonio’s wardrobe generosity. But, hey, only God can judge them.

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Clik here to view. Bare tattoo 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Bare tattoo 2

Eurosport went onto the Lampre bus after the stage to see what was happening. We knew it was only a matter of time before Pippo stripped off. Clothes just get in his way.

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Clik here to view. Bare Pippo butt Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Bare Pippo butt 2

This is a rare sighting of Pippo suitably dressed.

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Clik here to view. Bare Pippo 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Bare Pippo 2

You know how sometimes you’re on Twitter and you’re just scrolling around and you stop and say, ‘W.T.F.???’ I think there was a lot of that for the following tweets. Nico Roche‘s childhood idol: David Ginola.

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Clik here to view. Bare Ginola 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Bare Ginola 2

Gratuitous picture of Ginola seated.

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Clik here to view. Bare Ginola 3

Whole lotto legs

Andre Greipel – how can you not like this guy? He’s smiley, he gives high fives to tiny children and he rides a Segway. Oh, and he has tree trunks for legs.

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Clik here to view. Greipel Cav 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Greipel Cav 2 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Greipel green Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Greipel legs 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Greipel legs 2 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Greipel legs 3 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Greipel legs 4 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Greipel rest day 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Greipel rest day 2 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Greipel rest day 3 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Greipel rest day 4

The Gruppetto

Now that the mountain stages are here, we find a gruppetto forming!

Becoming a Dalek.

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Clik here to view. Tour smoking vat

I have said this very thing on many occasions, Ian.

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Clik here to view. Tour analysis 1

Tiny figurines braving the crosswinds. This might be one of my favourite tweet sequences ever in the history of Twitter.

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Clik here to view. Tour Bak xwind 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Tour Bak xwind 2 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Tour Bak xwind 3 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Tour Bak xwind 5

God bless Bling.

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Clik here to view. Tour Bling

Is this kid the epitome of cool, or what?

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Clik here to view. Tour caps 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Tour caps 2

Who knew cheese chat was so powerful?

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Clik here to view. Tour cheese

While others may have had a little too much cheese and are hallucinating.

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Clik here to view. Tour coq

Giants all in a row.

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Clik here to view. Tour Giant warmup

Even indestructibles need sleep.

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Clik here to view. Tour Hansen sleep

There’s a whole subset of tweeters who are really into tractor action, led by @nyvelocity.

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Clik here to view. Tour Hinault mower 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Tour Hinault mower 2i

More hallucinations.

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Clik here to view. Tour hulk hogan 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Tour hulk hogan 2 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Tour hulk hogan 3

“Doctor, I dreamt that there were a field of cows in jerseys.”

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Clik here to view. Tour jersey cows

Obviously, Koen didn’t get the benefit of the big cleaning mitt like they have a Roubaix. Professionals don’t let a little dirt stop them from their duties, however.

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Clik here to view. tour Koen 1

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Clik here to view. tour Koen 2

More cheeses.

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Clik here to view. Tour musette

I love that Nairo Quintana, even on a stressful day, took the time to make this little kid’s day. This counts for a lot in my book.

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Clik here to view. Tour Nairo

Hmmmmm.

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Clik here to view. Tour Nibali Landis

The new maillot jaune.

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Clik here to view. Tour sling

Better than this.

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Clik here to view. tour Tunic 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. tour Tunic 2

Mick Jagger about to break out into a rousing rendition of Sympathy for the Devil. Oooh ooooh.

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Clik here to view. Tour Uran 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Tour Uran 2

Yeah, you’d better keep your eye on him, Nairo.

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Clik here to view. Tour Valverde 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Tour Valverde 2

The deadpan “his real nickname is Francis” makes me love Inner Ring even more.

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Clik here to view. Tour Voeckler nickname

Parenting advice.

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Clik here to view. Screen Shot 2015-07-14 at 10.17.05

The last word

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Clik here to view. Screen Shot 2015-07-14 at 10.20.18

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Clik here to view. Tour Vuillermoz

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Clik here to view.
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Tour Tweets of the Week: Running hot and cold

July 21, 2015, 4:30 am
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Our third Tour Tweets of the Week and it’s just as eventful as last week. We have animals – chickens and cows, to be exact. We have some great stage wins from Steve Cummings, Andre Greipel, Purito; we have #FlechaWatch and #LauraWatch; Sagan on the descent, Contador in the rain and much much more. 

#HellYeah

Let’s look at some of the wins from last week. First up, Purito. The rain didn’t extinguish his spark although I’m sure he’s wondering about the bewigged fan next to him.

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Clik here to view. Purito wig

Nothing’s better than a Gruber action image. So much stuff going on in this picture. Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Purito 1

But the burning question is – what is the head to shoulders proportion?

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Clik here to view. Purito helmet 2

Next up, Steve Cummings with a ripping ride that had a lot of people in tears, including the rider himself.

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Clik here to view. Cummings 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Cummings 3 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Cummings 4PNG Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Cummings 2

How wonderful to see My Beloved Cancellara back on Twitter and waxing philosophical.

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Clik here to view. Cummings Fabian

And it’s a hat-trick for Andre Greipel.

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Clik here to view. Greipel 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Greipel 2

I love this series of photographs, as it really shows the emotions of a bunch sprint. Greipel’s expression doesn’t change in the first three photographs but you can see the defeat dawning on the face of Degs.

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Clik here to view. Greipel 3 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Greipel 4 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Greipel 5 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Greipel 5a Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Greipel 6

Fire and rain

It was so unbelievably hot during the week – the riders were cooked in more ways than one by the end of these stages.

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Clik here to view. Heat Pic 5 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. heat Pic 6 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. heat Pic 7 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Heat 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Heat 2

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Clik here to view. Heat 3 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Heat 4

Is it just me or does Degs look like some sort of spent gladiator?

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Clik here to view. Heat 7 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Heat 8

Um, he doesn’t look like one now.

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Clik here to view. Heat 9 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Heat 10 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Heat 11 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. heat 14

And when the riders weren’t being boiled on the road, they were soaked to the skin by torrential rains with some hailstones thrown in.

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Clik here to view. Rain 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Rain 2 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Rain 3a Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Rain 3

None of them look comfortable but Tibbles looks like he just ate a bug.

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Clik here to view. Rain 6 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Rain 7 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Rain 9 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Rain 10

Poor Jean-Christophe Peraud had his private parts paraded all over global television when he took a very nasty tumble and pretty much took the front of his bibs off. But he rode on. And the cameras stayed with him, much to the chagrin of the viewing public. Save the man’s dignity!

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Clik here to view. Peraud 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Peraud 4 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Peraud 5

That said, he might have been battered, bloodied and bruised but he still filled what was left of his jersey with bidons for his team as he caught back up to the peloton. Smells like team spirit.

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Clik here to view. Peraud 6 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Peraud 7

 

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Clik here to view. Peraud 2 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Peraud 3

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Clik here to view. Peraud suffer 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Peraud suffer 2

Sqwauk-a-doodle-doo

NYVelocity has gone from demanding tractor art to keeping a close eye on the coqs by the side of the road.

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Clik here to view. Chickens 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Chickens 2 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Chickens 3 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Chickens 4 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Chickens 5

Vache-tastic

The coqs might be at the side of the road, but the cows rebelled and took over the tarmac – in front of Warren Barguil.

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Clik here to view. Cows 3 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Cows 5 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Cows 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Cows 2

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Clik here to view. Cows 6 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Cows 6a Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Cows 7

I’m particularly fond of this action shot of the cows invading the Tour route. They are a law unto themselves.

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Clik here to view. Cows 8

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Clik here to view. Cow llama

Um, what’s Juan Antonio doing here?

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Clik here to view. Cows Flecha

#FlechaWatch

Seems like a pretty good segue into our semi-permanent section of Tweets. Our hero has been busy, befriending not just cows, but actual people on his recons of the stages.

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Clik here to view. Flecha 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Flecha 2 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Flecha 3

Oh and he also does yoga (of course!). We’re still waiting for his 1st and 2nd fav yoga pose. Although why he’s sending them to Velocast is anyone’s guess. I have a theory though: he wants to send those yoga pictures to me, but maybe is a little shy. Knowing that I know Velocast, he’s using Scott as a bridge. Yep. That sounds absolutely plausible!

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Clik here to view. Juan Yoga 1

(We were told that he wasn’t completely naked when he did this move, even though it looks like it.)

#LauraWatch

There was a move to start a #LauraWatch on Eurosport as a balance to #FlechaWatch. So here it is.

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Clik here to view. Laura 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Laura 2 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Laura 3 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Laura 4

Why do we love those two? Easy. Yes, they are good-looking people with fabulous accents, but their charm and popularity comes from the fact that they get the riders to let their guard down during their interviews. Brilliant.

Rider of the Tour

Okay, I’ve already called it. Peter Sagan is the rider of the Tour. Even with all his near-misses on the stages, the Velvet Samurai stayed bright and breezy – even when getting photobombed by Baby Blackbird. And he rides like he means it.

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Clik here to view. Sagan 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Sagan 2

 

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Clik here to view. Sagan kid 1

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Clik here to view. Sagan kid 2 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Sagan schnapps

His descending skills were on full display yesterday’s on the run into Gap.

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Clik here to view. Sagan descent 3 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Sagan descent 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Sagan descent 4 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Sagan descent 5

But for all those risks, he came second again. Lampre’s Ruben Plaza descended like a stone and took a fantastic win. Unfortunately his win was overshadowed by both Sagan’s chest thumps and Geraint Thomas‘s horrific-looking crash.

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Clik here to view. Sagan descent 6 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Sagan descent 7

 

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Clik here to view. Sagan descent 8 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Sagan descent 9

Let’s take a picture round!

Not unlike Timm Kolln’s The Peloton from a few years ago, where he took portraits of riders seconds after they came over the finish line and they all looked like crazed psychopaths, Jeroen Halverstad gave us a compare and contrast of BMC riders after the cobbles. Does Manuel Quinziato look totally spooky or what?

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Clik here to view. pics BMC 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. pics BMC 2 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. pics BMC 5 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. pics BMC 4 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. pics BMC 3

The Gruppetto

When tweeting fans are on form, they are the funniest fans around. Here are some random tweets that have that je ne sais quoi.

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Clik here to view. Fan 1 Image may be NSFW.
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Clik here to view. Fan 3 Image may be NSFW.
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Clik here to view. Fan 6 Image may be NSFW.
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Clik here to view. Fan 10 Image may be NSFW.
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Clik here to view. Fan 12 Image may be NSFW.
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Clik here to view. Fan 17 Image may be NSFW.
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Clik here to view. Fan 27 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Fan 28

The last word

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Clik here to view. Last word 4

 

 

 

 

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Clik here to view.
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Tour Tweets of the Week: Tears to Paris and beyond

July 29, 2015, 10:10 am
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Well, this is the final Tour Tweets for 2015 and what do we have? We have Tibbles, Nibbles, Bedhead Bardet, Baby Blackbird, Chewie, the Gorilla, Goggles, Hercules Hansen and, of course, a podium full of riders, including the Velvet Samurai, Q and Bones. Have no clue as to what I’m talking about? Read on and all will be explained.

Yoooooda-lay-he-whoooooooo

It was a mountainous week, that last week of the Tour. And it was a week that made the French very happy, with two of their great hopes winning prestigious stages. But first, let us consider a certain bearded German who won our hearts with his tears of joy. We call him Chewie.

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Clik here to view. Geschke 6

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Clik here to view. Geschke 2

Here is Chewie’s fabulous solo win at Pra Loup – and his tears. Anyone who can get through that interview without crying with him has no soul.

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Clik here to view. Geschke 4 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Geschke 3

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Clik here to view. Geschke 5

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Clik here to view. Geschke 1

Those Alpecin shampoo ads with the ArgoSunGod and the Mighty Degs. Odd, aren’t they?

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Clik here to view. Geschke 7

Then we had another great stage win, thanks to a sinuous descent by a certain French garçon (as in boy, not waiter) with braces and a shock of hair that cannot be tamed. We call him Bedhead (although JV calls him Stud Muffin).

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Clik here to view. Bardet descent Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Bardet no words Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Bardet stud

I doubt Bedhead is old enough to drink – but he’s definitely old enough to be celebrated by his team (and his fans)!

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Clik here to view. Bardet champagne 1

Young Romain before the start of the Tour.

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Clik here to view. Bardet tiny

Bedhead and Tibbles : The Calvin and Hobbes of French cycling.

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Clik here to view. Fans Pinot tiny

And speaking of Thibaut Pinot (for he is Tibbles). No toys out of the pram and the only screaming he did at his team car was to ask “How much time?” as Q was motoring up behind him. But he won on Alpe d’Huez in an audacious, fabulous ride. We cheered long and hard on Saturday.

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Clik here to view. Mountains Tibs 3 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Mountains Tib 1a Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Mountains Tib 1

 

The mountains, however, giveth and they taketh away. And there was one who usually flies over the climbs but this year did not have the wind beneath his wings. We call him Baby Blackbird.

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Clik here to view. Mountains contador 3 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Mountains Contador 2 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Mountains Contador 1

 

Scattered on the climbs

A stem that could have been for the rider we call Nibbles.

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Clik here to view. Mountains stem

 

Thomas Voeckler as an, ahem, inflatable.

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Clik here to view. Mountains Voeckler

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Clik here to view. Mountains stem attack

I think Jumbo K is channelling Tommy V.

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Clik here to view. Mountains Kruijswijk

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Clik here to view. Mountains Kentucky

Marshall Kappel was at the Tour and got some utterly fantastic photographs – as usual.

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Clik here to view. Mountains Kappel 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Mountains Kappel 2We must always refer to this rider as “Young Bob Jungels” (according to Midge)

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Clik here to view. Mountains Jungels 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Mountains Jungels 2

The man we call Goggles.

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Clik here to view. Mountains Hesjedal Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Mountains Hesjedal 3

The man they call Herculean Hansseen. He has now tied the record for most consecutive Grand Tour finishes with 12. Twelve! 6+6! 3×4! 24 divided by 2!

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Clik here to view. Fans Hansseen 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Fans Hansseen 2

The Alpe is Adam’s personal bar!

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Clik here to view. Mountains Hansen

Well, it wouldn’t be Tweets of the Week without a shout-out to the Grubers! We call them friends.

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Clik here to view. Mountains Gruber 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Mountains Gruber 2

Nah, I don’t think the Goliath nickname is going to stick. We call him Bones.

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Clik here to view. Mountains Goliath Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Mountains fullgas

The one we call Haagen-Dazs.

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Clik here to view. Mountains EBH

A possible disco brawl between Bones and Nibbles?

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Clik here to view. Mountains disco

Unhappy tears for Tejay. Always heartbreaking when you see this – just shows how much it matters to these guys.

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Clik here to view. Tejay tears 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Tears Tejay 1

Anyone who hasn’t been to the This Is Cambridge website for their cycling caps should go now. Look at her? She looks magnificent in that polka dot cap! You could look like that too!

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Clik here to view. Mountains caps 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Mountains caps 2

Warren Barguil now has a reputation for erratic descending. We may call him Wobbler.

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Clik here to view. Mountains Barguil 3 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Mountains Barguil 1

Nail on head.

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Clik here to view. Mountains ass

Chaaaaaavaaaaa – you don’t have to put out the red light … Sebastien looking good in white.

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Clik here to view. Lantern Rouge 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Lantern Rouge 2

Before we leave … one of *the* loveliest pictures I’ve seen anywhere this month.

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Clik here to view. Mountains Kappel 3 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Mountains Kappel 4

Right. let us regroup.

Bonjour, Paris!

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Clik here to view. Paris Bardet

Ah, just a bit of banter. Tell me, does this not look like the science geek who is trying to play it nonchalant around the coolest kid in the school, but is really thinking ‘Oh God, he’s going to give me another wedgie.”

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Clik here to view. Paris Thomas 2 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Paris Sky tV Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Paris Sky 1Predictions for the bunch sprint, with a new rider in the mix.

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Clik here to view. Paris Satan 1

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Clik here to view. Paris Satan 2 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Paris Paolini Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Paris Greipel win Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Paris Greipel 3 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Paris Froome Holland

A beautiful picture from Karen Edwards of Cav and his daughter.

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Clik here to view. Paris Deliliah

The Mighty Degs maybe not as smooth skinned as Delilah. And certainly not as happy as Andre Greipel. Another beauty from Karen.

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Clik here to view. Paris DegsThey went sooooo slow into Paris …

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Clik here to view. Paris Cav Froome Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Paris Belfast

Stepping up

The podium. The Velvet Samurai might not have won a stage but not for lack of trying – and he really was one of the most joyous of riders in this year’s Tour.

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Clik here to view. Podium Sagan 1

Apparently, Valverde has such power he can make his bouquets sprout legs.

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Clik here to view. Podium Valverde

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Clik here to view. Podium jerseys

Andre Greipel with his family waiting to take his place on the podium for the stage win. A worthy winner.

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Clik here to view. Podium Greipel

What it looks like from the other side.

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Clik here to view. Podium Froome press

Someone must have read the wardrobe memo upside down.

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Clik here to view. Podium Froome lion 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Podium Ashley yellow

After the podiums, it was Team Selfies.

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Clik here to view. Team selfie Ag2r Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Team selfie BMC 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Team selfie BMC 2

Look! Tony doesn’t have a sling! He must be healing up quite nicely.

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Clik here to view. Team selfie Etixx Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Team selfie FDJ 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Team selfie FDJ 2

I must have missed the press release where Lotto Soudal announced the signing of Boris Becker.

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Clik here to view. Team selfie Lotto

Ah, a hideous malaise that descended on the Velvet Samurai and Baby Blackbird during their final press conference. Has Oleg just walked into the room?

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Clik here to view. Paris Saxo press 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Paris Saxo press 2

What. In. The. World? “We’ve just cycled up and down mountains, in the rain and the wind and the harsh sunlight. We’ve crashed, we’ve come in second but never first, we’ve seen dreams crushed, we’ve broken bones and undergone cancer surgery. And we end up in a Citroen dealership on the Champs????”

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Clik here to view. Team selfie Saxo 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Team selfie Saxo 2

The Gruppetto

Stragglers that didn’t make it into the main Tweets sections.

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Clik here to view. Fans Rib 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Fans Rib 2

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Clik here to view. Fans Sagan Molly Hatchet

Where would we be without Phil & Paul?

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Clik here to view. Fans Phil 4 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Fans Phil 3 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Fans Phil 2 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Fans Phil 1

This bit sums up a lot of what happened on Twitter over the past few weeks.

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Clik here to view. Fans followers 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Fans follow 1

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Clik here to view. Fans followers 2

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Clik here to view. Fans lose 2 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Fans gains

#FlechaWatch! I miss him so much. I failed at finding a crystal ball for him, I failed at finding a Mint Magnum for him. I failed to win his pink jeans. #IAMsad

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Clik here to view. Fans Flecha Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Fans Flecha 2

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Clik here to view. Fans baguette 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Fans baguette 2

Looks like Greipel really needed that rest day – he’s starting to talk to goldfish.

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Clik here to view. Fans Greipel fish

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Clik here to view. Mountains Greipel 1

I’m asking no questions …

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Clik here to view. Fans bath 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Fans bath 2

While the best headline goes to …

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Clik here to view. Fans bare ass

 

The last word

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Clik here to view. Last word 1

 

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Clik here to view.
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Special Tweets of the Week: That Boy Phinney is BACK!

August 4, 2015, 5:46 am
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Neil Young was wrong. It’s not only love that can break your heart. Cycling can too. But with every thing that can make a fan crazy, furious, sad, and disillusioned, there are events that can restore the joy, excitement and pride to a fan’s heart. Yesterday, there was an event that pretty much overshadowed all the crap.  After suffering an horrific injury last June; after going through surgeries and hundreds of hours of physio, day after day, and keeping a smile on his face; after being out of the peloton for more than 60 weeks, yesterday Taylor Phinney raced again. And it was the best day for cycling fans in a long, long time. And a pretty good day for Taylor as well. So in this special edition of Tweets of the Week, it’s all about That Boy Phinney. All of it.

So long ago

Let’s take it back to when  Taylor was badly injured in the US Championships during the road race when he and a moto wanted the same line and he didn’t come out of it well. Clearly in distress, Lucas Euser stopped his own race for the title in order to stay with Taylor. Here are Taylor’s tweets just after that crash.

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Clik here to view. Phinney 7

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Clik here to view. Phinney 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Phinney 2 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Phinney 5

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Clik here to view. Phinney 4

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Clik here to view. Phinney 6

And up for it he was – and documenting a lot of it on Instagram! I’ve saved them all …

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Clik here to view. G Phinney leg 1

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Clik here to view. G Phinney sexy bruise

Taking the stitches out of his own leg. Yeah, I’d never do that.

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Clik here to view. Phinney recovery 17 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. G Phinney recover report 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. G Phinney recovery report 2 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. G Phinney cake

While there must have been times when he was down, you never would know it from his attitude. He made sure that, if he couldn’t savour racing, he was going to savour everything else.

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Clik here to view. Phinney scar Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Phinney ride

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Clik here to view. Phinney recovery 15 Image may be NSFW.
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Clik here to view. Phinney recovery 13

(I’m really hoping that hipster thing was just a phase.)

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Clik here to view. Phinney recovery 12 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Phinney recovery 11

The peloton’s own Jackson Pollock (although maybe he’s a bit more Kandinsky or Basquiat).

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Clik here to view. Phinney recovery 10 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Phinney recovery 9

I’m fairly sure I went to high school with a guy who looked just like that.

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Clik here to view. Phinney recovery 8

Always the fashion plate – love the sunnies.

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Clik here to view. Phinney recovery 7 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Phinney recovery 6 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Phinney recovery 5 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Phinney recovery 4 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Phinney recovery 3

So as we can see, Our Hero was out and about, wearing cool clothes, working hard on his fitness and strength. But it seemed we had a few false alarms as to when he was going to be back riding in the peloton – there was a rumour that he’d start in the Tour of Cali. It didn’t happen. I won’t lie, I was starting to worry. And then, this – one of the best tweets EVER.

Monday Monday

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Clik here to view. Phinneyutah start 2

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Clik here to view. Phinney utah start 3 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Phinney utah start

And what did he do? Sit at the back, ease into racing? Hell NO! He bloody well went and did THIS!

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Clik here to view. Phinney utah break 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Phinney utah break 2 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Phinney utah break 3

United Healthcare’s Kiel Reijnen won the opening state of the Tour of Utah, followed by Alex Howes of Cannondale, and Our Hero – his first race back! – came in third. Because, you know what? He came to race, dammit. (I keep forgetting he’s so tall…)

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Clik here to view. Phinney Utah podium 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Phinney utah podium 2 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Phinney utah podium 3

(I had to include this picture because it looks like he’s one of those little dolls with the big heads.)

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Clik here to view. Phinney utah podium 4 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Phinney utah podium 5

My timeline went CRAZY while the race was on – and it went crazy when the race was over. Everyone seemed overjoyed that Taylor was back and in fighting form. It made Monday more than bearable.

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Clik here to view. Phinney utah 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Phinney utah 9 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Phinney utah 8 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Phinney utah 7 Image may be NSFW.
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Clik here to view. Phinney utah 3

There was one disturbing thing about the day. The hat. I believe we were all bemused, at best, by this.

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Clik here to view. Phinney utah hat 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Phinney utah hat 3

Then the press conference.

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Clik here to view. Phinney utah press 2

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Clik here to view. Phinney utah press 1 Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Phinney utah press 3

It might have been kind of a brutal day for you, Taylor, but it was a great day for the rest of us. Welcome back! We missed you so so much!

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Clik here to view. Screen Shot 2015-08-04 at 13.29.22

 

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Clik here to view.
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