After last week’s celebration of all things Phinney, Tweets of the Week is back to its usual format. We have a few podium presentations, some antler hats, Vuelta predictions, a wedding that had all of Girona dancing in the streets and some Tour of Utah action.

We’ve only just begun …

One of the happiest events of the past week has to be the wedding of Koen de Kort and Kaitlin Bell. I was lucky enough to meet both of them at the Giro a few years ago and they are lovely, friendly people. Their wedding looked amazing – with dancing in the streets of Girona. Everyone at VeloVoices Towers wishes them a long and happy life together.

Buckets and bees

Tour of Poland always has a little surprise in store for us – I seem to remember a good few years ago, Jens Voigt won a teddy bear the size of a mini-van. Well, Sergio Henao gets gifts that just keep on giving for his victory in stage 6. I’m most curious about that flattened frog/turtle thing.

I truly hope with all my heart that Sergio wears that bucket hat around his house of an evening paired with a paisley smoking jacket and carrying a jaunty pipe (just for effect).

Thinking the Pologne Bee is second only to the Giro’s Lupo Wolfie, with its cheerful little face. From the attention which Maciej Bodnar seems to be giving him, a good conversationalist as well!

While we’re on the subject of mascots, Utah had a giant roadside chicken (or maybe it’s Big Bird…). I absolutely love that someone said to themselves at some point in the last month, ‘Hmmm, I’m going to the Tour of Utah and I think I’m going to dress up as a big chicken/Big Bird. Yes. That is what I shall do.’ That said, we wouldn’t be talking about this person if they hadn’t so they were totally right about the costume.

And while we’re kind of loosely still on the subject of hats, here’s one that should not be donned on a whim.

While we’re in Utah

Why don’t we take a moment to talk about That Boy Phinney again? He won the jersey for Most Inspiring Comeback (I reckon the wheels for that were greased by last week’s Special Tweets …) as well as overall Fan Favourite. I really like the whole Fan Favourite Jersey Idea™ and think other races should have them too.

These riders just look younger and younger. Here’s Joe Dombrowski of Cannondale-Garmin (who really needed some good news last week), who took the overall victory.

Boats and beer

It was another team presentation flotilla for the Eneco Tour this weekend. Not quite as fancy-schmancy as the Tour but hopefully they also didn’t have that ridiculous man who thought, quite wrongly, that he was the reincarnation of Freddie Mercury.

How did Andre Greipel feel after the Tour? He’s looking rather determined here. Stage 1 he lost some power in his legs and the victory went to Sky’s Elia Viviani but the shocked ‘what’s wrong with Greipel’ speculation was shown the door on stage 2, when he took a decisive victory. It was his seventh victory – an EnecoTour record.

Viviani got a keg of beer for his victory. But no hat. That’s a shame.

And Nathan Haas scored a couple cases of beer by being the most combative rider of the stage. Again, no hat. Again, what a shame.

Ouija board, oh ouija board

Okay, so I failed with my crystal ball quest in the Tour in order to win Juan Antonio‘s Giro jeans. Maybe he’d go for a Ouija board? I’m thinking maybe a few people in this string of tweets has one of those. Awfully confident about the winner, there, Fifi – do you know something we don’t?

If Conor’s stat is in effect, then it would mean that no one who might seem a good bet (Q, Bones, His Nibs, Marge Simpson etc etc) will win this Vuelta. So look out for an unknown to take the victory.

Not sure why Andrew is so sure that this year’s Vuelta is going to be such a rip-roarer. That’s what everyone was saying about this year’s Tour. And the GC sure wasn’t a rip-roarer.

However, perhaps Bones is trying to change his image. Get a little edgy with these mirrored CHiPs sunnies. Not so sure this look is going to stick.

The Gruppetto

You have to respect Santaromita for an honest tweet.

Sagan and Pippo. Together. On Oleg’s team. Just think about this for a second.

Did I miss the unveiling of Sagan’s own personal logo? or what is that on his teeshirt?

Manuel Quinziato is always welcome in Tweets of the Week. He’s really getting his Bond baddie look honed (in a good way).

Whereas my favourite expression of surprise is ‘Lord Hoy!’, the lovely Dan Wuori’s favourite swear word is ‘Hushovd‘ but with a special pronunciation. (But Ian’s response is best.)

Mr Horner is back on the warpath. #HeDidThat

An origami Canadian hockey robot with swords. I want one of those.

Little Baby Blackbird doesn’t look like he has enough room for this much food. But cookies and cake for breakfast – holy cow, I need to become a professional cyclist if it means I get to eat that!

Cav will be riding in Derby this weekend and our beloved Ant is beside himself with excitement.

Looks like MTN-Qhubeka is doing Edvald Boss Haagen Dazs the world of good. Great to see him smiling and making his mark in the peloton again.

The fabulous Flecha. We’re counting down the days for the Vuelta just for the #FlechaWatch opportunities.

The Last Word

It was a busy week in the cycling calendar last week. We have a look at the Eneco Tour – from Boonen to Quinziato and we get a few Wellens kisses. Then we fly north to check out the little bit of Viking craziness in the Arctic Race, not to mention our bodyweight in salmon. Then we bring them together in a battle of the heavy equipment! A long drink of Pinot in the gruppetto and that’s your Tweets of the Week.

Rain and climbs and the Muur

The Eneco Tour really did live up to its reputation as a spring classic in late summer. It had rain, it had cobbles, it had Big Tom Boonen winning a stage!

FDJ’s Johan Le Bon won one of the wettest stages in a while – and once again we were reminded as to why white shorts are not the best of ideas. Many Duran Duran lyrics were thrown around. I count us all very lucky that Matteo Bono wasn’t the second person in that two-man break or we’d never have heard the end of it.

One of the most popular wins of the race was a breakaway win (with a nailbiting finish) by the lovely Manuel Quinziato. That he won on the Muur was even better (and oh, how we miss that fantastic climb in the Tour of Flanders…)

The day before, he was looking pretty frisky for a while – it’s no surprise that he was able to take the stage win on Sunday.

The winner of the Eneco gets a kiss.

Although maybe it wasn’t as nice as she thought it was going to be. Ewwww, sweaty.

The win, it can be told, was really down to the champion’s roommate.

Salmon and Tanks and Vikings

The Arctic Race is a great race – beautiful scenery, a good combination of World Tour and Pro Conti teams and a little bit of crazy.

This looks like one of those Hallmark moments where Thor is thinking about Alexandre Kristoff and Eddy Haagen-Dazs.

The guys in Eneco got kegs of beer, stage winners here win their bodyweight (well, their teams bodyweight) in salmon.

This is that little bit of crazy I was talking about.

Whale? I didn’t think whales were supposed to be hunted anymore. I’m a bit disturbed by this tweet.

The Viking jersey is given to the teammate of the day – sort of the opposite of most aggressive rider, really. Seems odd, with the reputation that Vikings have, that it isn’t the other way around. But it’s good to see MTN-Qhubeka make a big noise no matter where in the world they are.

TANKS

We all love the synchronised tractor roadside performance art of Belgium and France but, wow!, the Norwegians have really upped the ante.

The army base pulled out all the stops – or rather lined up all their tanks.

Then one of the tanks broke away and started to race the peloton itself. Personally, if I were riding along on my bike and suddenly I saw a ginormous tank next to me, I would have a hard time concentrating on the road. So kudos to the peloton for keeping their cool for the finish.

JournalVelo saw what this was really about – those tanks were basically a 5-ton heavy-metal gauntlet thrown down to the Belgian farmers. They responded with aplomb. I love how neatly the tractors are lined up – do they get together at a farmers meeting to decide when and where they’re going to line up, I wonder?

The gruppetto

Nice to see Nico and Bennati have kept up their friendship. They look happy, don’t they?

“Hello, hi honey. Yes, I can pick up some bread and milk on my way home. Just need to finish this race first.”

That must have been one smelly interview.

So the Derby Velodrome was the place to be this weekend (if you weren’t in Belgium or Norway). Does Cav realise that Brad is not listening to him?

Custom paint jobs for Purito.

Shoes for doping solutions.

I didn’t realise that Tao Geoghegan Hart was a ginger.

Strava continues to be popular with riders (clarification: a lot of riders, not all riders). And these crazy kids were in Rio, testing out the Olympic route – and having fun on the beach.

It’s our lucky Lotto box for the Vuelta! Adam Hansen – going for number 13!

The last word

Never a dull moment in the Vuelta! First we had a stage 1 TTT that was neutralised before it even started, then we had a stage 2 GC DQ, then we had Sagan breaking that Second Curse! Which was more astonishing? It sure is spicy over there!

Over the concrete and through the sand

The Vuelta has had some strange stages – remember that aircraft carrier thing? the riding from boat to shore on a plexiglass platform? – but this TTT was one of the strangest. A very narrow parcours with seven different surfaces, including what looked like plastic. It was odd and it was neutralised before it even started so no time would be carried over to stage 2.

But luckily, Juan Antonio Flecha was back on our screens and ready for anything.

Some teams rode like they’d stopped at one of the beach bars in the middle of the parcours (Europcar, I’m looking at you), some teams really gave it their all. We saw Niki Terpstra giving a dressing down to his Etixx teammates because they weren’t working hard enough at the finish. Ah Niki, now you know how Tom feels when you ride together in the Classics.

There was a point where it looked like GreenEdge & Ham might be the hot dish of the day, but it was not to be. Simon Gerrans gave us food for thought and we were all agog at his wisdom.

Peter Sagan‘s Second Curse was still going strong. But at least he could joke about it.

He tried valiantly to break the curse by just refusing to believe that his team didn’t come in first but it’s nigh on impossible to be inconspicuous in that fluoro kit, especially in the black light tent.

Seems everyone is a ‘rock star’ these days except rock stars. Some people who work in advertising have that as their job title (I’m not kidding!) when they are clearly no such thing. Now apparently cyclists are rock stars. Um. No.

Meh, whatevs, on the podium.

Infamy, infamy! They’ve all got it in for me!

That seems to be what His Nibs was thinking before, during and after he grabbed onto the car door and hung on as his DS floored it to get him back towards the peloton after being held up in a big crash.

I think the first surprising thing about this was that they thought no one would notice – or care! Not the guys left coughing the car exhaust, not the helicopter that was following them (was it a stealth heli?), not someone somewhere with eyes in their head.

The jury saw the footage, called a huddle and decided that they’d disqualify both Nibblets and the DS in the car. Astana pleaded for a 10-minute penalty instead. Jury huddled again, then came back with a No. That was the second surprise for a lot of us.

However, there were some who thought the DQ was way too harsh.

‘But everyone else is doing it!’

Indeed, Astana also said ‘But everyone does it!’

I do find this reaction quite strange.

This did however make the Astana leadership battle a bit tighter with just two.

A smile as bright as the sun

Esteban Chaves must be special if he can outshine Juan Antonio!

I so love the jaunty hand on the hip – super casual, super cute.

But spare a thought for David Tanner, who suffered a hip injury in the crash and Paolo Tiralongo, who looked like he’d got 10 rounds with a beast. (I’m not going to show the pictures of his injuries without the bandages – just too gruesome.)

780 days later …

Sagan got over the line first.

The gruppetto

I have no idea what this is about but it looks made to be in Tweets of the Week.

The Year of the Gorilla – and it couldn’t have happened to a nicer guy!

Lord Hoy, the DJ with the mightiest thighs

This is a nice touch.

This just made me snort with laughter. Sounds so profound somehow: ‘You can’t “live” Dennis. Unless you are Dennis.” Say it with a knowing look.

I do love these anime illustrations. The illustration of Knees? “Look into my eyes … you will hang onto a team car … I repeat, you will hang onto a team car …”

Zdenek and his mini-Stybar.

“Riding through the Streets of Thunder” – if that isn’t a verse out of a Bruce Springsteen song, it damn well should be.

The last word

This Vuelta just gets spicier and spicier – but sometimes for all the wrong reasons. However, we’ve had a great push-me-pull-you competition for the red jersey with The Chaves-Dumoulin Show – and I’ve got the tweets to prove it. We also talk about all those crashes, and we have a fairly sizeable gruppetto, which includes Tigger (aka Juan Antonio Flecha).

The wit and wisdom of Esteban Chaves

He held the red jersey for most of the week – he lost it on stage 5 to Tom Dumoulin but then got it back the next day. Then he kept it until Sunday’s stage but throughout the whole week, he rode with a lot of heart. And he became a regular fixture with Ashley and Juan Antonio.

The red jersey took a tumble on stage 8 and held nothing back when he talked about where it hurt.

A huge for his DS on stage 6 when he attacked and took back the red jersey.

But what about Tom?

The balancing factor for the Chaves show was Tom Dumoulin – or Dumoulin Rouge. He wore the red jersey on stage 6 but only for that stage. That is until Sunday when he powered up the climb with everything he had to take the stage and the red.

Not to put a dampener on everyone’s excitement but I think we’re jumping the gun with predictions about him winning this year’s Vuelta. I might have to eat my words but I think the beast that is stage 11 will just be too much for him. So bet accordingly.

The toll it takes

There was a huge crash on Saturday’s stage – one that took out Dan Martin, Tejay van Garderen, Nacer Bouhanni to name a few of the big names. However, it was Kris Boeckmans who has the most severe injuries.

Teammate Thomas de Gendt tweeted his reaction to the crash – a heartfelt tweet that just reminds us that these guys are human and they have the same reactions that we would have if we saw a friend of ours unconscious on the ground.

We also saw some great sportsmanship from Peter Velits, who stayed with Tejay van Garderen as they waited for an ambulance.

And then we had a moto knocking Peter Sagan hither and yon. This has been happening way too much in the last two seasons and it just seems to get worse. Sagan, who is usually quite even-tempered on the bike, quite understandably went nuts.

He was fined for bringing cycling into disrepute (or something to that effect). Here we have what it would look like if this happened in other sports.

The moto driver got thrown off the Vuelta. There was some confusion as to who was responsible but Ashley had the answer.

And even the stage winner was injured and in fact had to leave the race the next day. When the adrenaline is high, you don’t feel the little bones …

The gruppetto

The Vuelta is a tough old race and there’s a lot of guys in the gruppetto. So it seems only right that there are a lot of tweets in *our* gruppetto.

First up, my favourite Movistarlet, Andrey Amador … with a tiny dog.

Who’s going to be invent the transfer jingle for cycling fans!?

We were starting to think that the Vuelta had left tractors behind. But it didn’t.

With artwork courtesy of Velocast, we have rechristened Juan Antonio as Tigger.

It’s not a flamenco – it’s the Tigger dance.

Ah, the secrets of television.

Tigger has a lot of fans. And it’s not just us!

I wonder how far the half-naked pudgy man would have gotten?

The magic of Twitter – it doesn’t just start rumours, it can put paid to them asap. I love the quick and funny response from Rory Sutherland.

When brands jump the shark. Vulpine, don’t fall into this trap! Please.

Love this picture.

Mechanics have a thankless (and long) task every day.

Therapy might be the only way forward after this.

Nothing’s better than King Kelly and his difficults.

Iljo Keisse is not amused.

It’s all in the positioning.

Alex Dowsett ‘showing well’. Well, indeed.

You have to admit, the Mighty Degs has no vanity – being photographed in compression socks and a heart monitor strap. 

I had to put this in because it is just downright beautiful. You can order one of Michael’s posters here (and I bet I’ll do a little post on them after the Vuelta).

Seriously, has this guy got a contract for next season yet?

Saving space on the Orica team bus.

The last word

It was hot, it was cold, it had climbs, you couldn’t swing a cat without hitting a summit finish! It’s the spicy Vuelta that has tired everyone out – including me! So it might be a little stream of consciousness this week, however, let’s soldier on, shall we? We have our favourite Vuelta trio: House, Flecha and Chaves; we have a rundown of the epic-ish stage 11, including Froome, Aru, Landa; we have fog and beanie hats, and much much more! So let’s get the hell out of the neutralised zone …

An epic meh?

Well, we hyped that stage 11 up too much, didn’t we? The hardest stage ever in the history of the world. We couldn’t be anything other than disappointed, considering the frothing at the mouth we were all doing in anticipation. But it did throw up some interesting little tweets.

Purito devised this stage. I’m suspecting he wasn’t very popular at the end of that stage (even with himself … he didn’t win the stage …)

This was the stage that Chris Froome had a solo crash almost just out of the neutral zone, rode the entire stage with a fractured foot and ultimately had to leave the race.

And not only was Froome in trouble, but the entire Sky team seemed to be as well.

Froome’s foot must have been painful but it wasn’t anything like what happened to Sergio Paulinho, who was the latest in ‘those on Tinkoff who have been taken out by a moto’.

If you remember, Juan Antonio himself got knocked off his bike by a TV car in the Tour a few years ago, which started a chain reaction resulting in Johnny Hoogerland landing on barbed wire. So he’s knows of what he speaks when he responded to Oleg’s tweet about the moto-marauders.

Froome’s future teammate, Mikael Landa, however, did not get hit by a moto, but I’m betting sometimes Aru felt like his teammate was riding one, the pace he set. So what’s Landa doing? Showing his new team that he’s strong enough to take a Grand Tour, showing his current team that he’s strong enough to take a Grand Tour, to give us all a moment of ??? with the conflicting team analysis?

‘Meh’ then WTF?

While we’re on the subject of stages that were meant to be exciting but disappointed just a bit, we’ll go onto Monday’s stage 16, with its 30% ramps at the end. The end of the stage was fantastic. But we had to get through a possible go-slow and a GC group who didn’t feel they could attack each other until the last minute.

Yes, you read that tweet right – Schleck wins (Frank to be specific). We know this Vuelta has epitomised the word ‘unexpected’ but this really was unexpected. To say reactions on Twitter were mixed would be an understatement but I’m just going to leave it at this.

And straight from the Unicorn Forest, little bro Andy sends his congrats. (I do miss Andy sometimes …)

So after the solo win, the GC attack did come from Purito but Marge Simpson hung on in there (after nearly being dropped by his own team’s blistering pace … or should I say Landa‘s blistering pace) and had nearly as surprising a ride as Frank, in that he hung on in there and minimised his loss to the red jersey by ONE second. A small spread of responses on all of these subjects …

For so many reasons, this has to be one of my favourite pictures of Purito ever. (I’m still utterly bewildered why all the races give grown men cuddly toys as prizes, but they make for a good photo opportunity so I won’t probe into this subject too far.)

From WTF to Fogtastic?

Okay, I’m not going in the order of stages but I don’t care. The Fog Stage of this year’s Vuelta (we almost always have one but rarely know ahead of time which one it is) *was* exciting. If only for Juan Antonio in a beanie hat.

Someone mentioned that Aru looks more like Snoopy than Marge Simpson. Yep, I can go with that.

Poor Ashley is left out in the cold …

From Fogtastic to Custody Battle?

We’ve mentioned in previous columns how much we love how much Ashley and Juan Antonio love little Esteban Chaves (and honestly, what’s not to love?). But Ashley’s now getting territorial. It’s like Kramer v Kramer all over again but without Meryl Streep.

All of which bizarrely leads us to Flecha & House as the new Morecambe & Wise.

The Gruppetto

Brian Cookson making sure his attention is not focused on one team.

The perfect response to questioning The MightyDegs about his Vuelta also-rans.

News that made me very sad. I wanted Spartacus in the rainbow jersey for his last year – and to win Roubaix while wearing it.

We found Kenny!!!

Can’t get enough of your love, baby.

Mixing cakes with cycling. I have to say, my future husband Mats had subtlety on his side with this response.

Tactics!

(To be honest, I didn’t realise Andrew Talansky was in the Vuelta this year …)

A few gems from and about King Kelly.

My pick for the rainbow jersey this year.

The last word

It’s the final Vuelta Tweets of the Week for 2015 and it’s a doozy. Tears of joy, tears of anguish – from both riders *and* tweeters! We have Aru, Dumoulin, Degs, Greipel, Flecha&House, and much much much more.

Aru the Victor

By riding the TT of his life, keeping the time gap between himself and Tom Dumoulin to a scant 3 seconds, Fabio Aru won the Vuelta – it was only a matter of time on stage 20 for him to claim the red jersey.

You don’t often hear Mikel Landa say ‘we’ when it comes to him and Aru.

Do you see His Nibs in this picture? (Brilliant, utterly brilliant)

You say Ed Milliband, I say Marge Simpson.

My, but that Kirsten picked the podium – and the hero of the race. (Yes, I’m sure a lot of you picked the podium but she had proof and she tweeted it… She wins.)

That said, Daniel Friebe picked Aru for the win. Then he didn’t. Then he did. I don’t think it counts if you doubt your choice and then tweet about it. He loses.

Celebrating in Madrid.

Even when he doesn’t have those hideous nasal strips on, it looks like he has those hideous nasal strips on.

Dumoulin the vanquished

The TT brought Tom Dumoulin the red jersey, taking it from Purito. It was just a few more stages, if he could hold on. Unlike Aru and his Astana team, Dumoulin’s Giant team brought guys for the sprints, not the mountains, but they all rode their hearts out for Dumoulin.

This picture says it all. Heartbreaking.

Laurens Ten Dam had a few words about the team and the budget differences. Giant did a hell of a job punching above their weight for as long as they did.

Degs the Victor

It’s the way of sport to find yourself heartbroken one day and elated the next. In the final stage in Madrid, the Mighty Degs finally hit his sprint stride and gave the Giants something to celebrate.

It was Degs’s 10th Vuelta stage win. And I doubt any have been more bittersweet.

The podium

Well, it’s not against UCI rules to take advantage of a rival’s untimely puncture to nab the extra sprint points on the final day to steal the green jersey, as Valverde did to Purito on Sunday. But it certainly is #unclass. (Aru wisely stands between the two… and hey, they’re both riding for Spain in the World Championships again! Fireworks …)

Lucky 13

While Adam Hansen continues his ride, another of the most popular riders in the peloton hung up his wheels in Canada. You will be missed, Ted King. You’re a good man and a great advertising for what cycling can be.

Greipel the Victor and Vanquished

It was Tour of Britain this week and it seemed to be the start of a major rivalry between Andre Greipel and Elia Viviani.

Photofinish between the two – but the actual photograph showed a clear win for Greipel.

However, the final stage, it looked as thought Greipel deviated from his line, with Viviani between a gorilla and some barriers. Greipel went over the line first, thought he’d won, but the commissars relegated him. He apologised on Twitter, which teammate Greg Henderson responded to.

Mark my words, Greipel for the rainbow stripes.

The gruppetto

The best news of the week.

I think Chava has noticed how much fun it is to be Juan Antonio Flecha. Will we see Sylvain commentating for a French channel when he retires? That would not be a bad idea.

The only thing I’m posting up that has anything to do with the new Armstrong biopic and only because the exchange is very very funny. Anyway, it was revealed this week that the actor who plays LA in the film took EPO for research. And apparently this upset Emma O’Reilly, although I’m with Podium Cafe on this. I’m sure this is not the first time an actor has doped in some form or other.

King Kelly delivers the goods. Or the sausage. Oh no! That sounds dirty and wrong! Arrrrggghhhh!

Young Jack’s haiku to the man Midge calls LePetit. (That would be Kenny Elissonde for those who didn’t know.)

Ant. You are brilliant. Ah-haaaaa!

C’est un vrai deluge …

Oleg may or may not have said something stupid/controversial/unrealistic about riding all 3 GTs in the same year. I couldn’t be bothered to read the interview myself. I was dazzled by the thought of swan-diving into a room full of money.

I’ve not seen much of Dan Wuori on my timeline of late and I miss him. (The fact that we’re in two very different timezones doesn’t help.) But I did notice this little gem from him this week. I love a man who uses the word ‘sassy’.

A hot and salty day.

During the Tour, I asked Juan Antonio Flecha what his superpower would be if he could pick one. He said teleportation. Looks like he got his wish! (I’m going to really miss seeing him and Ashley every day, enthusing about the stage …)

The best thing about this string of tweets is the final one. Sheer genius.

As is this comment from Mikkel Conde.

The last word

The name Libby Hill might very well become part of cycling legend – it was a great Worlds in Richmond and Twitter was there! I’ve sifted through the debris after the crowds left and have all the goodies. We have Robocop Kiryienka, That Boy Phinney, #KwiatKrush, Lizzie Armitstead  and, of course, the Velvet Samurai himself, Peter Sagan – plus plenty of fan interaction!  

Leading all the way

It was the trade team time trial (try saying that three times fast after a strong whisky sour) and BMC were defending champions. And they defended so successfully they all fell to the ground.

Robocop

It was a bit of a shock that Tony Martin didn’t storm the course and take his fourth ITT gold but it was not to be. It was, in fact, Belarus’s Vasil Kiryienka who went out fast and just stayed fast the whole course.  He seems to have learned the ‘basking shark breathing technique’ from Tony though.

Second was Italy’s Adriano Malori.

And third was France’s Jerome Coppel with the best national kit ever.

Tom Dumoulin, who was third last year, put in a lot of effort but could only manage fifth. The welding goggles must have given him too much drag.

And here’s the ITT podium … see what I mean about the French kit?

In the lookie-likie stakes, we have a new contender for Kiry!

The Belarus flag caught Peter Flax’s attention.

And Rohan Dennis – who apparently is prone to enraged bike throwing (I did not know that before this week) – was notable in keeping his cool in this race.

One stripey jersey …

In the women’s elite road race, it was a dream come true for British rider Lizzie Armitstead, who took a tight bunch sprint to the delight of everyone. One stripey jersey comin’ up!

Two things about tweet from Business Insider. First of all, it reads like a headline writer who just puts holding copy in while they figure out what to write and then forgot about it. Second of all, we’ve all seen men coming over the line for a big win in tears, but we’ve never see a headline like that. Third of all – three, three things about this tweet – third is if that’s the sort of detached, off the cuff, ‘can’t think of anything better to say’ tweet you’re going to do, just don’t tweet it. Simples.

And the question of the day:

Second to none

It was a long race. It was hard fought. It was a glorious finish. As it should be for the world championships.

Even Tyler Farrar got into the action! Who woulda thunk it?

Then this happened.

I can see Business Insider’s headline now: 25-year-old Slovakian wins world championships, bursts into tears.

One of the best things about Sagan’s win was the reaction from the rest of the peloton.

Speaking of the rainbow curse:

A thoughtful, heartfelt speech at the end and pure joy on the podium. Shame it wasn’t outside for all the fans to cheer him as he donned the rainbow jersey. It’s a victory that was meant to be shared.

A few more reactions

Another headline to contemplate. I notice they didn’t mention tears from the great guy from Zilina.

It’s a hair thing.

Second can be a very sad place sometimes. But I’m sure once the pain goes away, Bling will be proud of his achievement.

And I’m sure Navardauskas is nothing but thrilled.

Worlds round-up

A few great pictures, a few more little tweets…

Mads Wurtz knew what he was capable of.

Luke’s Adventures in Richmond

One of our favourite tweeps is definitely Luke Allingham and he was one of the many fans who made it to Richmond and found time to tweet about it!

The gruppetto

Tweets I couldn’t bear to leave out.

Ride the Revolution, @festinagirl’s book about women in cycling, will be published on 22 October. Full disclosure: I was lucky enough to interview Ashley Gruber for the book. Bloomsbury’s taking pre-orders!

Cadel Evans gets to the heart of David Millar‘s crash faux pas.

Transfers this season were a bit bonkers in a lot of ways. Unabashed maverick Landa going to Sky was just one of them.

“And remember, if you don’t have your entry bracelet on, you will not get back into the grounds. I repeat, keep your entry bracelet ON at all times. Now for some safety announcements …”

Kris Boeckmans finally left the hospital after his horrific crash in the Vuelta. Excellent news.

“Pontiff steals thunder shocker”

Mavis Evans was another of our tweeps who was in Richmond – Andre Greipel wished her a happy birthday and Adam Hansen kept her company at the airport. (Okay, the last one might be stretching the point a bit)

Speaking of Adam – he’s finally taking a well-deserved break.

Lord Hoy knows what’s important when it comes to recovery.

Wouldn’t be Tweets without Pippo showing some skin.

The last word

As the season winds down, I’ve decided to do a few Special Tweets of the Week. With the news that Marcel Kittel has severed his contract with Giant-Alpecin and signed to Etixx, I’ve decided to celebrate that golden time when he was the ArgoSunGod. We’ve opened the Tweets vault and here is what we found.

The rise of the ArgoSunGod

Who couldn’t love that bright smile, that playful attitude, that Argonaut white kit … and that hair. THAT HAIR! We go back to 2013 when he became the ArgoSunGod with his stint in yellow in the 100th edition of the Tour de France – and his first win on the Champs-Elysees.

Remember the first stage? The Orica bus?

And yet more victories! 2014 Tour de France, he took 4 stages, just as he did in 2013.

Kittel & Friends

Oh the famous sumo wrestling …

Must be the off-season – Tony Martin is eating doritos.

While we’re on the subject of Germans and Food, there was talk of an eating contest between Kittel and Andre Greipel. Not sure that ever actually happened…

The lovely Dan Wuori, of course, is well represented in the Tweets vault!

Even Cavendish wanted in on the game.

And fans …

And cuddling joeys

Kittel style

There’s a lot of hair in this one – and a sharp suit or two. Plus any number of montages.

Note: I did have a lot of tweets from this season, but they were quite simply full of disappointment and I just didn’t have the heart to put them in. Let us just hope that we will see LidlKittel get back to his winning ways next season and that he becomes a regular feature again in Tweets of the Week 2016.

The last word

With the new season comes the triumphant return of Tweets of the Week! We won’t leave you again until, well, the end of the 2016 season. But let’s not think about that. This week, we have Etixx hijinx, spidey senses, Cannondale Scout Camp, some kit chat and some rip-roaring national championship rides.

Green and Gold

It seemed to all be happening down under this week, with the Australian National Championships – and the rides were magnificent. If this is any indication of how the season is going to pan out, we’re in for a real treat.

First up, the new Aussie TT national champion, Rohan Dennis. First up, a nice little shot with new teammate Richie Porte (more on him in a mo). And who is that just behind Rohan? Why, none other than TT specialist (and generally lovely guy) Marco Pinotti. Was he giving the boys tips for the TT? I suspect so.

I can’t remember a podium with such big smiles from everyone. Rohan put the hammer down and beat Richie by a good 38secs. The other big smile is from Avanti’s Sean Lake, who clocked in 1.34 down to take third.

For all his hard work, the young Mr Lake gets trapped in a Dalek. But he’s still happy.

There’s enough nougat in that giant Mars bar to drown a rat. If you were so inclined.

Looks like it’s impossible not to wear a gigantic smile when one dons the green and gold. Here is the Women’s TT National Champion, Katrin Garfoot.

BoBo is BACK

Okay, BoBo might not have been Jack Bobridge‘s nickname this morning but it sure as hell is now! Richie Porte had been tipped for the title but BoBo put the turbos on and he scorched the competition to take a well deserved solo win. From the reaction on Twitter, it was a very popular result indeed.

The mighty BoBo has the strength of more than 10 men.

I’m liking the fact that the photographer captured BoBo’s reflection in his big gold plate.

“Ah, now that I am the king of all the land, I shall pose majestically and contemplate my year of jubilee,” is perhaps not what he is thinking.

Seems he won everything with that ride. He didn’t leave anything for anyone else. Like I said, he scorched ’em!

Cameron Meyer came in second – and as he says, a great start to the season for Team Dimension Data (or MTN-Qhubeka for those of us who just can’t let that go…). We’re hoping for great things from that team this year.

And it’s another Avanti rider for third – and another gigantic smile. Patrick Lane looks exhausted but thrilled. As he should be – he was one of the few to even finish!

Bridie O’Donnell – who is about to attempt the Hour Record (go!) – puts the race in perspective for us. Out of the oodles of riders who started (oodles being the new official way of saying I can’t be bothered to count them up), only 15 finished the race. Think about it – from oodles to fifteen. Boggling, ain’t it?

It was an Orica-GreenEdge win in the women’s road race with Amanda Spratt taking the honours.

Ruth Corset and Rachel Neylan finish up the podium. All in all, a rather exciting championships!

Kits, Katusha and Cannondale

Some new kits are better than others and certainly better than before, especially in the case of Katusha. And it’s not black! From the strange city skyline-like jersey from last year that was, frankly, a hot mess, comes a real gem. Red (which will pop in the peloton against all that black!) and a K that is kind of a hybrid between the Cyrillic K and Yu. Please see helpful diagram below. (Hey, you don’t get information like this from the Johnny-come-lately Tweets-imposters!)

Helpful diagram. You’re welcome. 

But no matter what it is a hybrid of, it sure is bolder than a bold thing from bold town. We like it.

And while Cannondale have stuck with the argyle (and why not?), they’ve ditched the black on the jersey and have gone for Hulk Green. Or lime. Or lime sorbet. Anyway, it’s green. And it too will pop in the peloton against all that black. That’s a good thing.

Midge informs me that she doesn’t like the neckline – she prefers more of a collar – while Fiona is just plain annoyed.

The bloody banding on the Team Sky kit. The front is blue, black and white – the Estonian flag. Although it’s a touch more cyan than the flag. So there you go.

Cannondale Scout Camp!

Here at VeloVoices Towers, we worry about things. Sometimes we worry about spider bites, sometimes we worry about the amount of booze the drinks trolley can hold, sometimes we worry about cake. But mostly we worry about riders and one rider we were particularly concerned about when it was announced that he would be moving to Cannondale was Pierre Rolland. Not that Cannondale is not a fine team but we were concerned that Pierre’s Frenchness might prove to be a barrier at the Boulder-based team. We needn’t have worried. Looks like he has a soul mate in young Joe Dombrowski.

“Gee, Joe, do you think we can roast weenies and marshmallows tonight by the campfire while Vaughters is telling us ghost stories?” “Sure, Pierre! That’s a no-brainer!”

I think Liz Miller won Tweets of the Week with this gem.

Just your friendly neighbourhood webslinger

Those of delicate sensibilities should look away now (and scroll quickly) as Nico Roche has been a snack for spiders again. Hospitalised (just a precaution) and everything. Yikes!

Etixx bonding

Etixx has a changed team this year – what with Marcel Kittel and Dan Martin joining. Okay, that’s, like, two, but you know what I mean. It feels a different team.

It’s gone all moody with these black and white, high contrast, photos. Makes Tom Boonen look a bit sinister, almost like some sort of Bond baddie.

It might be time, Tony, but with a team that includes Boonen, Niki Terpstra, Zdenek Stybar, etc etc, you’ll be lucky to get a look in on the big cobbled races.

See what I mean about sinister?

But as Cillian Kelly points out, Tom has a selective memory …

Translation: swipe left. BTW the ArgoSunGod is looking all Dolph Lundgren in that picture.

Unsure about that reverberating electric blue.

Hair askew – except for Boonen – oh, and Kittel.

Tour des Etats Unis

This was up for discussion.

The gruppetto

Fabulous cover. Fabulous.

Can’t have a Tweets of the Week without our good friend Dan Wuori, King of Social Media™.

Look up, people! Look UP! And wave!

This can’t be good for aerodynamics. And if Rapha did do pirate eye patches, it’d have an off-centre thick stripe down one side. Maybe in cyan blue.

Ahhhhhh sweeeeeeet

Retro laundry day.

Love this poster. LOVE.

Some problems on the road.

Coulrophobia is the word you’re looking for.

First Tweets of the year – have to have the ladies favourite! Hey, Bernie, how you doin’?

The last word

This week – of course – has the obligatory photos of Tour Down Under riders cuddling roos and handling snakes, but we also have boys with great hair, Team Grumpy Cat and so much more!

New jerseys …

BoBo gets a present! There was a tweet going around this morning (Monday morning) that young Jack is 150/1 to win TDU – which I think is rather churlish of the bookies.

I suppose if you’re aggressive, your hair takes quite a bashing (especially in those helmets), but couldn’t they have just given the guys a little sachet of shampoo and maybe put on a little raging figurine on the trophy instead?

I have to say, Dani King‘s KOM (surely that should be QOM?) jersey is absolutely lovely!

Cadel is feeling a bit flat …

While Crikey Cadel, the croc with attitude and charm, is in Adelaide!

I say this every time, but you never see Adam Hansen and Dennis Quaid in the same photograph.

Roos and other animals

You know the drill …

I have no idea what that koala thinks it’s doing …

Is it a prologue? Is it a criterium? Does it matter?

And after the sprint, a special treat for the Trek boys. A kiddie pool filled with ice! Nice!

While the Wiggle High 5 team get to sit with Jens. He’s a charmer …

I love this picture. I bet we see that little girl in the peloton in a few years with a role model like Nettie.

Grumpy Cat, Grumpy Cat, it’s not your fault!

First of all, what is the deal with their hair???? Second, what is the deal with that kit!!!!

I can’t not see Grumpy Cat now.

This conversation unravels fairly quickly.

The Gruppetto

Spam spam spam eggs and spam  …

The Velvet Samurai disguised as a confused zebra. The Tinkoff boys are in San Luis (where there are no zebras)

Crazy golf socks. Don’t try this at home.

Men all over the world take to their beds and whine.

I’m really unsure about this kit. At first I thought it was reminiscent of the great Cervelo Test Team but now … the green is really putting me off. And where’s the little hand of Qhubeka?

Hmmmm….

Great hair, GREAT hair from the ArgoSunGod. Looks like Kittel is getting back to his cheerful self. You can always tell by the hair.

And now a random set of tweets around Mathieu Van Der Poel, the new cyclo-cross champ.

I love this picture. “I did it, Granddad!”

Those are some sunnies they got there.

This should really be a caption competition, shouldn’t it?

Congrats to the lovely Manuel Quinziato – how he gets time to do a law degree when he’s captaining the BMC boys all year! Multi-tasker!

Okay, ArgoSunGod had some great hair but Peter Sagan has definitely got some game when it comes to the do.

Now that’s an uncomfortable spelling mistake … I’m concerned about what that mapping is *really* of.

The Last Word

It’s that time of the week – we have tweets coming out of our ears! We’re seeing double down in Argentina, legends down under, some suspect kit and much more. But first, let us celebrate one magnificent woman’s achievement …

MightyBridie

Bridie O’Donnell took to the boards for her attempt at the women’s world hour record last week. She had spent a year preparing for this. It was her Hour of Power.

By the end of the hour, she had herself a world record. And a lot of congratulatory tweets! She’s probably still going through them!

Legends

One of the highlights of the Tour Down Under week is the Legends Dinner. I’m loving Robbie McEwen‘s retro-50s look. Sunday, Monday, Happy Days …

Of course, the Jensie was doing what he does best – schmoozing!

And photobombing Julie and Jen!

Tuesday, Wednesday, Happy Days!

Meanwhile, on Willunga Hill

Richie Porte took the queen stage (third time!) and had a special crown of flowers for his effort. Or not.

Meanwhile, the de Korts were still acting like newlyweds!

Um, no comment.

And here’s the Croc! And there’s Julie again!

I find this picture kind of disturbing. And I’m wondering why they are wearing goggles.

Get that boy’s name – we’ll see him back on Willunga Hill in about 15 years …

Front and back page.

Seeing double in San Luis

First, the Brothers Nibblets

Then, we had Quintana the Younger come into his own. Dayer is the 2016 Tour de San Luis champion.

Meanwhile, the Velvet Samurai just shone brightly like the superstar he is.

The Gruppetto

Valentine’s Day is coming up so if you’re looking for love …

The MightyDegs now has his Roubaix shower plaque. (Hopefully that’ll cheer him up after that awful crash)

One more start of the season for the SacredHaunches. >sigh<

If only this were a unicorn bike …

Best kit in the peloton.

Ooookaaaaaay …

David Millar in the form of ostrich.

Well done!

When I first saw this picture, I thought he was in the supermarket picking up some vodka. I’m still not sure that’s not what this picture is…

Julia is asking what a lot of us are thinking – where is the ladies favourite? On the ice, apparently.

I’ll leave you with this final picture. I’m stunned – not only by what Pippo is wearing, but that he’s actually in a picture where he *is* wearing something.

The Last Word

It was quite an eventful weekend. We had the CX World Championships, which brought us a lot of mud, Leonardo DiCaprio and an actual motor in a bike – but whose bike? “It ain’t mine!” Plus we have some exciting racing in Mallorca, not least a Spartacus win, which made us launch fireworks off the top of VeloVoices Towers. 

Sprints and descents

It was Challenge Mallorca this week and we had four days of great racing. Andre Greipel looked like he was picking up where he left off last season and topped and tailed the four days with sprint wins.

And one Fabian Cancellara started his last >chokes back tears< season as a professional cyclist with a solo win from a breakaway >KermitArms< Looks like his retirement year will be about mixing it up and taking his chances for a victory whenever and wherever. No swanning around in the back of the peloton looking moody.

It was 17 years ago and the Haunches were already Sacred.

While my favourite little Movistarlet, Andrey Amador, was racing as well.

Still takes a minute to realise that is KwiatKrush in Sky black. There really is an anonymous quality about that kit. The rainbow-striped cuffs, however, are a lovely touch.

I’m really getting into the Team Dimension Data kit now, probably because I keep thinking the old Cervelo Test Team is back (and that makes me happy).

And then there was mud

We don’t cover CX, or track, but sometimes the pictures are just too good to leave behind. And, um, it was very eventful this weekend (although in a few very bad ways …). It also got a lot of traction on Twitter.

Almost looks like he’s singing. That boy needs some sleep.

Quite simply, one of my favourite photographs this week.

It was a dirty weekend.

A mud-spattered Evie Richards takes the women’s U23 championship.

Belgian Wout van Aert became the men’s world champion and there was much to say about this young man.

There was a touching photograph of his parents celebrating his win. You can almost hear them say, “That’s our boy!”

There was a comment about his tidy helmet straps.

And his striking resemblance to Leonardo DiCaprio, around Titanic time.

And, at least from @tjswonderboy, some serious hair envy.

Belgians behaving badly

There seems to be a worrying trend of “fans” (and I use that word to mean the opposite of what these people are) abusing riders – verbal abuse, throwing beer on them, even spitting on them. I think we can all agree that kind of behaviour is never ever acceptable.

One slightly lighthearted tweet in this chain is “Need I remind you about frogmen in the tour last year?” Frogmen? There were frogmen???? Ah, autocorrect …

It was Sven Nys‘s last worlds.

This is one of the creepiest – and strangely inexplicable – photograph I’ve seen in a long while.

Ah, if the Staypuft Marshmallow Man were world champion …

Which brings us to this …

Bike doping

The UCI has confirmed that they found a motor in a bike belonging to (or associated with) Belgian U23 rider Femke Van den Driessche. For the details as he knows it, read Inner Ring’s blog about the UCI case and this great opinion piece by Neil Rogers for CyclingTips. Meanwhile tweeters took the subject, lifted it up and ran with it …

But what kind of motor was it?

Pawel stopped it before it go silly. Which is a shame.

While pictures of big engines were being bandied about, Dan Wuori went straight to the defence. Ah, the Basso Defence! It’s an oldie but a goodie.

The I’ve Never Seen That Bike In My Life (But It’s a Friend’s) Defence.

And the Hamilton Chimeric Twin Defence (also known as the It’s So Crazy Maybe It’s True Defence).

Then there’s the Armstrong-Bruyneel Credibility Defence.

And, of course, the old Third Grader Multi-Defence.

The Tattoo Syndrome.

And just a very fast escalation around words my future husband*, Mats Janné, likes. This is why I want to marry him, folks. He likes a good vocabulary. (*possibly not true…)

There was even a conspiracy theory, which InnerRing drily counters.

Who’s a pretty boy?

Doping. One thing you notice on Twitter is that there’s black (“hang ’em high!”) and white (“let them all do it, like in bodybuilding”) and way more than 50 shades of grey in between (“I hate dopers – but he’s not a doper, he was framed” to “I hate dopers but I like him even though he doped” to “his doping was different” to “everybody does it, except I don’t believe he did” to “give him the maximum penalty” to “I hope they’re lenient on him”). This Scarponi parrot sketch is quite revealing in that respect.

The Gruppetto

As you remember from last week, Giant-Alpecin’s Chad Haga was the one most injured in that horrific head-on crash with a car. Here is his left side.

And here is his right.

And here he is after he had 45 stitches – 45!!!!! – taken out of his face and neck. He’s kept his high spirits throughout. #ClassAct

Fairly sure that’s against UCI regulations.

It was GP La Marseillaise day and Tibblets got pipped at the post by Dries Devenyns (in that great IAM kit)

To shave or not to shave. Looking at his baby face, KwiatKrush probably doesn’t need to worry about the peach fuzz on his face.

Triple Tomasz.

Pippo impersonating Henry VIII.

Pippo impersonating some sort of sinister gameshow host. “You win the prize of an all-expense paid trip to the island of Dr Moreau.”

Don’t try this at home, kids.

Laurens Ten Dam‘s hope for a retirement where he doesn’t have to get naked in public – well, not unless it’s just for fun.

There is nothing that is not mystifying about this tweet from Oleg. How do you instagram breaking news on cycling or digital banking? I’m too scared to look.

After all these years, looks like Alejandro Valverde has finally admitted it to himself and to the world. He is losing his hair. Poodle no more.

Maybe you should just say Bob. Like Blackadder. Bob.

The Last Word

Oh, but hasn’t it been a week? We had headbutts (in two separate races!), stage-winning plastic bags and boys who can’t change their shoes fast enough. 

ArgoSunGod rules okay

After the trials and tribulations from last season, Marcel Kittel came out of the blocks racing with his new Etixx team. And, holy moly, his hair was still magnificent.

Kittel kept getting the better of Mark Cavendish – in fact, Cav has never beaten Kittel in a bunch sprint when they were both in contention. Ever.

Cavendish tells the press what he thinks of Kittel’s return. “Very very difficult to beat”:  10-0 now. And 9 of those weren’t after “a year’s holiday”.

But it wasn’t all sprints. Here’s what Fabs, PhilGil and ArgoSunGod looked like at the Hatta Dam finish. #FullGas

But let’s get to the hair.

But it wasn’t just about Kittel. There was that headbutt from Cav, after the tunnel crash that left Kittel blocked and Cav far behind, he took his frustrations out on a CCC rider next to him in the sprint.

Here is Cav with Christopher Walken.

Elia Viviani won the headbutting stage and made this really odd comment afterwards. It’s a rare interview when an athlete speaks so candidly about his ability.

Meanwhile Bradley Wiggins was in the race. He’d said before the start of the race ‘not to expect anything from me’. He was true to his word.

And now for our picture round.

In these shoes? I don’t think so

The Tour of Qatar started yesterday and Etixx-QuickStep did not line up because they weren’t invited.

SunTour of Pain

Looks like Peter Kennaugh found a guy nearly as hot-headed as he is.  There were rumours of some post-stage head butting (was Cav there?) but nothing official.

Meanwhile, Bobo, the new Aussie road race champ, showed just how difficult the race was.

And a friendly selfie at the very end.

Baggin’ a win!

Stijn Vandenbergh has been a stalwart teammate for his entire career and his day in the sun came on Sunday. A plastic bag tagged along for the ride. A popular win all round.

The gruppetto

What kind of tennis team has 9 players?

Last from the cyclocross – couldn’t resist putting this fabulous picture in.

Love is in the air.

One thing is for sure … there’s nowhere to hide in a skinsuit.

Rapha’s new domestic kit.

The glamour of cycling – spinning in a parking garage.

That famous tennis team did well …

Don’t feed him after midnight.

Katusha with yet another positive.

Love this kit.

I’m finding it hard to believe this is actually Chris Froome’s body – he has thighs in this picture! That can’t be right …

The photographer for FDJ’s new rider portraits was obviously channelling Jean-Paul Sartre (one of the toads of history, by the way): “Life begins on the other side of despair.”

“Do you think that I count the days? There is only one day left, always starting over: it is given to us at dawn and taken away from us at dusk.”

Obligatory Fabian posts. Get used to it. It’s his last year. He’ll be here a lot.

This photograph was taken on the day that I met him – I MET HIM. Funnily enough, he sort of had that expression when I started talking to him. Kind of “I’m sure I renewed that restraining order, but maybe if I don’t make any sudden moves, she’ll go on her way …”

Everytime I see this picture, I think the MightyDegs is trying to fix a laserjet printer.

While Giant teammate Chad Haga has finally been able to do a bit of spinning on his own. Which is fabulous news.

There seems to be some sort of cloning programme going on at the Cannondale camp.

Oh Bernie. We just got you back from the Death Star and you’re out with a broken collarbone. Heal up soon! We need you in the peloton!

The Last Word

One story that dominated cycling timelines last week was the appointment by British Cycling of David Millar as mentor for young riders. Millar has always been a divisive character in cycling, so the sparks flew.  

Three tales to tell

First of all, I don’t think the problem was that people believed that David Millar should not be allowed to earn a living. It was in the context of his appointment and if, in fact, he is the best person to be mentoring young riders in how to withstand the pressure to dope. Some said he was, some said he wasn’t.

First of all, let’s be clear as to what David Millar’s story is not. It’s not a cautionary tale: “I doped and I lost everything. I never got another contract after my ban and now I run a newsagents. I never got a book deal.” Or, like Marco Pantani and Frank Vandenbroucke, it’s not a story of being caught in a downward spiral to an early grave. It’s not about losing everything – and never getting it back.

It’s also not a courage of your convictions story: “I never succumbed to the pressure of doping, although it was difficult at times. It would have been easy to just go along with it but I didn’t want to be that rider. Every day I had to find another way to win” or “I only had two years in cycling – maybe I would have had more if I had doped but, for me, that’s not how I wanted my life to go. I believed my integrity was more important.”

No, David Millar’s story is his version of a redemption story: “I made a mistake, but in the end, I came out of it and, in fact, am going from strength to strength.”  None of these three types of stories is any more or less valuable than the others – they are stories about the human condition and everyone has variations of them in their life. Everyone makes mistakes, everyone pays consequences and everyone has to use their moral compass every single day. Again, it’s the context that is important.

There were tweets, defending BC’s choice, asking “What do you think he’s going to do? Tell them how to do it?” (Unfortunately I didn’t favourite those tweets so couldn’t find them again … rookie error) It’s not that people think he’ll tell the riders how to do it (I don’t think anyone believes he would do that) – it’s that he can’t tell them how not to ever do it.

The story he has to tell can only ever be “I succumbed to the pressure, to the desire to win, to the fear of failing, to the humiliation of being dropped from the team and I doped in order to continue my cycling career. I got banned, vilified and thrown aside for two years but I came back and was able to resume my career.” 

Can David Millar actually give these young riders advice on how to stay strong against the temptation of doping – a temptation they will undoubtedly feel – even though he himself failed when he was as young, lonely and impressionable as these guys. It’s do as I say, not as I did.

Stefan Wyman, owner of women’s team Matrix Procycling, was adament in his opposition to the appointment, as was Jenny Copnall, XC national champion many times over.

His experience is about coming back after a potentially career-ruining decision. He’s turned his doping ban into an anti-doping stance (although I think it would carry more weight if he’d actually spoken to CIRC) and therefore doping is ultimately why he got a multi-book contract, why he got the opportunity to design (or ‘imagine’) a cycling kit collection for Castelli, why he has the opportunity to commentate on ITV’s cycling coverage, why he has his Maserati ambassadorship. Would he have had these opportunities if he hadn’t become famous for doping/anti-doping? Doubtful. Will the opposition to the appointment make him or British Cycling think again? I can’t imagine it will.

The Gruppetto

Let’s go on to some of the other tweets from last week.

I have no words …

If you remember, Kris Boeckmans had that terrible crash in the Vuelta, after which he was put in a medically induced coma and was in hospital for a good long time. This is a great picture to see.

You know those people who cycle past you, even if it’s obvious you’ve got a flat and you could use a hand? Well, Mark Cavendish is not one of those people.

And neither is IAM’s Larry Warbasse.

We are loving FDJ’s picture sharing programme …

And to continue our series of FDJ’s Jean-Paul Sartre-inspired portraits: “No finite point has meaning without an infinite reference point.”

Uuuuuummmmmmmm… fashion sure can be dangerous so you’d best wear your helmet.

Our favourite werewolf, Laurens Ten Dam, had a family day out. Cute kids!

pretty …

Giacomo Nizzolo is clearly not on that dangerous fashion edge that Froome is as he doesn’t feel the need for a helmet. Sunglasses might come in handy for that first jacket, though.

And speaking of fashionistas! That Boy Phinney is puttin’ on the pout … as is His Dad Phinney.

The Last Word

With so many races going on and everyone so tired of Maserati Millar, it’s a bit of a mixed bag this week. But I have to say, it’s a fun mixed bag. We, of course, have the SacredHaunches and ArgoSunGod, we have an obscene victory salute, the Baby Blackbird Effect and more …

Fabian is trending

Hells bells, Cancellara went and won the Algarve TT last week, beating basking shark Tony Martin. But before we get to his podium kisses and his power legs, we go back back back into the annals of time and see Fabian as a pup. With the mischievous looks of those three, well, you got trouble my friend …

Fabs was in the hotseat and looking rather majestic. And have you all noticed #CapsNotHats (Trek finally get it together).

>mwoah< >mwoah< podium kisses for everyone!

There be some muscle in those legs. #PowerLegs

And he’s trending …

You’ll do yourself an injury

Golly – that young Mr Skjerping certainly is taking one for the team …

The poor guy …

Ah what the hell, let’s have Cannondale corner.

You know, I didn’t even recognise Mick Jagger in that lime-green Cannondale kit. He does not look like himself at all.

It seemed that it didn’t matter that Geraint Thomas won the overall, as the press only had eyes for Baby Blackbird.

Meanwhile Phil Gaimon put a lot of thought into his Twitter profile page. We like.

ArgoSunGod just keeps shining

Well, Marcel Kittel certainly has had a fine time this month.

More podium kisses for everyone!

As opposed to fellow sprinter and compatriot, Andre Greipel, who broke a rib the other day yet still expects to ride KBK. Hard. As. Nails.

Speaking of doing yourself an injury, this kind of descending always makes me queasy …

Beer for everyone! Then beer kisses for everyone!

The Gruppetto

Just when we were getting rid of Oleg, something even worse comes down the line.

I don’t know if you guys know that Daniele Bennati has a cat that Panache made fun of a few years ago and he’s been blocked ever since. Panache, this one’s for you. You’ll never seen Bennati smiling at you like that!

That cake would put you into a sugar coma for a week …

Fabulous.

“Yeah, you know, just hangin’ out with my other white van men in the parking lot…”

“I follow all the world!” And here we thought FDJ were the philosophers of the peloton. (When I say ‘we’, I think I might mean just me because no one else seems to care about Jean-Paul Sartre’s influence on the FDJ photographer!!)

Speaking of FDJ – tell me truthfully that those shadowed portraits above the names aren’t all broody and philosophical. Tell me! They are bloody well contemplating the meaning of life, make no mistake!

I was hoping with the departure of Maserati Millar from the peloton, we would have seen the last of that ‘stack ’em high’ nasal strip look. Vichot, non!

Nothing quite like a Cartier-Bresson image to brighten the day.

We love Dries Devenyns (although I’d have to say that Dries doesn’t seem old enough for this guy to have been a fan since childhood …)

“I scream you scream we all scream for Haagen Dazs!” EBH and his Norwegian fans.

Great photograph

Even greater news – Adriano Malori was out of his hospital room for the first time since his horrible accident last month.

Last time Nibblets saw a rider in a Sky kit coming at him, he threw a bidon at him. Luckily this kid doesn’t look anything like Chris Froome.

#IAMEXCITE

Uncanny.

Astonishing Rebellin is still in the peloton – for so many reasons.

A farewell to Sven Nys, who rode his last professional race on the weekend. Funny how a picture can be full of emotion and you don’t even need to see their faces.

You know, Thor never looks happy in his selfies. Ever.

It’s time to whip it! Whip it good!

Man of the people.

And a sad goodbye to a cycling commentating legend. #RIPDavid

The last word

We’ve just gone through our first Classics weekend of the season – and oh what a group of races they were! We had the eternal second finally go one better, we had an audacious solo win, and a world champion taking their first win of the year. Plus, Dan Wuori was back and tweeting and that’s cause enough for celebration in my book. 

It begins …

For a lot of us, the season hasn’t properly started until we’ve had a peloton pounding over the Belgian cobbles.

That said, looks like Ann’s going to have a tough season if she’s already sick of the Velvet Samurai.

It’s that time of year when #clambitchen trends.

A few pre-race pics.

And of course the UCI were there, checking for those pesky motors.

Just remember: don’t cross the streams!

And cycling fans everywhere are ready to leap into action when a fellow fan can find a live feed.

The first victory of the day on Saturday went to World Champion Lizzie Armitstead – caught by Jered Gruber!

Then the men decided to get racing and Jasper Stuyven tried to bridge to the break, which included Ann’s favourite, Peter Sagan.

But nope.

There were also no Etixx riders in that front group with Sagan and GVA. What is it about Omloop that makes the Etixx riders have the head staggers when it comes to tactics?

Everyone on Twitter expected Sagan to win. His hair – on both head and legs – should have given him Samson-like power!

But nope.

No Etixx riders were in the top ten.

Niki Terpstra decided to get philosophical on us. I guess because the alternative (as in ‘we f***ked it up’) was too painful.

No double rainbow for Dan though.

Surely Lidl Champagne is an oxymoron?

While Jasper Stuyven got himself back on his bike and still made it into the top 10.

It’ll all end in a bunch sprint…

KBK, the Sprinter’s Classic, didn’t turn out the way everyone thought either. But first, the riders talk to their fans. You can just hear Niki saying, ‘Well, there are only ten riders who could make the top ten, you know…’

And one of the best race plushies, a donkey with a stylish scarf. I WANT.

The rainbow jersey, again, rode pretty big and bad for most of the race.

Nacer Bouhanni, for some reason, had to make his own dossard.

But it was young Jasper who stole the entire show.

It was one tough day, however.

The Hurt Locker

Poor Bas Tietema suffered a broken collarbone in Brussels-Opwijk but he kindly documented it all for us. (He’s SO boy band, no?)

This is just terrifying. It’s a wonder Arnold Fiek wasn’t killed.

And it’s a wonder Stig Broeckx wasn’t killed by the medical moto that hit him at speed and didn’t even stop to check if he was okay. He obviously wasn’t okay …

The Gruppetto

Saturday was sure packed – we even had a new Hour Record from Evelyn Stevens.

Baby Blackbird was out and about for a training ride.

Obligatory Fabian picture.

Unfortunately, Fabs deleted the picture before I could screensave it. But it’s good advice all the same.

Lordy.

Another throwback picture – Juan Antonio Flecha winning Omloop. Let’s hope we see him on our Eurosport screens again this year.

Speaking of Sky, we still haven’t seen Mikel Landa, due to illness, nor have we really seen KwiatKrush! What’s going on? I’m starting to think Sky is actually doing a Stepford Wives number on the two of them.

We like the sound of that too.

Mon Dieu!

I think Peloton magazine is over-reaching on this tweet. Personally, I can’t imagine Porte being any threat to Blackbird if AC is racing to win.

It’ll only cost you £547.50. Style don’t come cheap, kids.

Bib etiquette.

Zdenek Stybar has his priorities straight. What a little charmer!

Yep, cycling is all glamour.

I love this photograph.

Uncanny.

The Last Word

It was the weekend of Strade Bianche – a race that, though young, feels like it’s been around forever with all the goodness and tradition age brings. It was also the weekend of the Track World Championships, held in the Olympic Velodrome in London. Both got a lot of attention from the cycling tweeties so here we have: Cancellara and Armistead, Wiggins and Cavendish – plus a fond farewell to the man who never hesitated to throw people off the podium, Bernard Hinault.

Gravelly roads, take me home …

If I were told I could only watch two races in the cycling season, Strade Bianche would be one of my choices (the other being Paris-Roubaix). There is nothing I don’t love about this race (except the fact that EurosportUK doesn’t seem to think it’s important enough to show live. But I’ve been bitching about Eurosport on Twitter for the past, oh, four years, so we can just leave that for now). It’s a difficult race, it’s a beautiful race, it has a parcours like no other – and it’s for the toughest of the tough to claim victory. Everything I like in a race.

That Boy Phinney rode on Saturday – but not before he captured the horse in Siena.

It was cold and it was *supposed* to be rainy and gloriously muddy. It was just glorious.

The only reason I would think of signing up for Strava … but even this doesn’t convince me.

Two of the favourites have a quick ‘May the best man win’ handshake before the start – World Champion Peter Sagan and returning champion Zdenek Stybar. Note: the best man is not in this picture. (Love the black rainbow-striped rain jacket.)

Fabianese is a whole body experience.

The finish

Just *look* at the faces on this climb. This is what I love about sport – the pure emotion and energy.

You can just feel the disappointment in this tweet.

Swiss precision at work again.

No faffin’ around in the back of the peloton for Cancellara this year. Looks like he wants to make his last year of racing one of his most memorable.

The effervescent Dan Wuori has been praying for that double rainbow win for WEEKS now. And he *still* didn’t get it on Saturday. He was so sure, he even had his tweet cued up … (For those who don’t understand the reference, just go here. You won’t believe what happens next … )

I think maybe Spartacus should get a haircut before Lois does it for him.

Me and the Rev. We are of one mind about this.

I love Stybar and loved his win last year. One of the reasons I am such a fan is that he is gracious in both winning and losing. He is a class act, no doubt about it.

Prosecco rain (a little known Prince song)

There was a lot of energy on that thar podium.

And, in addition to the paving stones on my front walkway being christened The Cancellara Walk, Fabs also gets a stretch of the gravelled roads named after him. I hope it’s a five-star sector. And I hope they call it Spartacus.

And he hasn’t lost his sense of humour.

A final word from the lovely Jered Gruber. I have to agree with him. Although I think Paris-Roubaix is the greatest race, I think the final kilometre of Strade is the greatest finish.

The World Champion is victorious again

Looks like Lizzie Armitstead is going to have a stellar year. Looks like those rainbow-stripes really motivate her. And maybe her winning ways will motivate one of the sports channels to televise the women’s races. Or the BBC red button. Or something. Somewhere. Somehow. Then I might actually get more tweets in my TL as well …

One love that is shared by two

Well. My TL exploded on Sunday for the Track World Championships. Now, as many of you know, I am not the biggest fan of Bradley Wiggins – I know, I know, I hide it well. And, being an ArgoSunGod fan, I can take or leave Mark Cavendish (mostly leave). And I really couldn’t care less about track (The Wrath of Khan was on – had to watch that). But even I couldn’t ignore some of the best tweets of the week that centred around all three. (Don’t ever say I don’t sacrifice my own feelings for this column…)

So, it seemed that there was a lot of drama during Cav and Wiggins’ Madison race. That’s all I know. Oh, and that in the midst of it all, Cav crashed and possibly was concussed. But … ‘he’s alive!’

After some tense laps, they did it. They being any number of duos: the Morrissey and Marr of cycling, the Lennon and McCartney of cycling, the Hale and Pace of cycling, the Sonny and Cher of cycling … But this is the thing. Why can’t they just be the Cav and Wiggins of cycling? Why does anyone who does anything great have to be ‘the new …’ or any other comparison. Because it seems that being the Cav and Wiggins of cycling is about as high as you can get at the moment. (Morrissey and Marr – my ass!)

The cats got a dousing, it seems.

Tattoo talk – I think Sarah and Sara Eva were inspired by Wiggins’ full sleeve.

It was a total love fest. There was a lot of PDAs and gratuitous kissing.

See, Morrissey and Marr. No. No. No. Stop it. Although the Taylor and Burton does hit the mark … volatile emotions.

High socks, black socks, stupid socks, no socks. One never knows with Wiggo.

Cav getting some first aid on his bloody knee. The expression on his face reminds me of those action films where the hero gets shot, run over, etc but hardly bats an eyelid. Then when the love interest tries to clean his tiny scratch with cotton wool and antiseptic, he winces in pain.

Was it Wiggo’s last race on that track … or wasn’t it?

Conor is here, just to balance things out, although Christina is not happy about him showing up to the party.

Once again, the effervescent Dan Wuori has come to the rescue.

Au revoir to the Enforcer

We’ll miss that frisson of menace and bonhomie during the podium presentations.

However, he was more than gracious to the winemakers who threatened to hold a protest during the Tour de France this year.

The gruppetto

The existentialist FDJ: Existence precedes and rules essence.

@PulpLibrarian is one of my favourite Twitter peeps. And it seems getting doored is not a 21st-century problem.

Great picture of Tim Wellens with his curlicue hair.

Travel tips from Rory Sutherland.

Hannah Grant has taken over the kitchen truck for Team Dimension Data!

A leftover donkey picture from last week. It’s not often I get to say that.

You know, the Microsoft screen blue looks good when they’ve applied an instagram filter but I can’t say the same for when they’re racing.

Race to the sun – I think the guys have got a bit of extra incentive.

The Velvet Samurai with a well-constructed wig.

Speaking of Velvet Samurai and hair – L’Equipe’s photo essay.

A kilo of M&Ms. A KILO!!!!! How have I never seen these packs?

This is just lovely.

This is the most we’ve seen Pippo dressed in ages.

Barney looks thrilled. Just thrilled.

Tom Dumoulin is not into self-censorship.

To pick up on our boyband injury from last week, Bas gets his stitches out.

The last word

It was Tirreno-Nice-Adriatico-Paris week and it was eventful to say the least. We had snowball fights, pee-soaked bibs, irregular sprinting, a Welsh dragon chasing Baby Blackbird into Nice, trident wielding, Nibali baiting – and the virtual equivalent of a Trump rally on Twitter because of stage cancellations. Is it any wonder I came down with a migraine?

Weebles wobble but they don’t fall down

It didn’t take Nacer Bouhanni long to demonstrate why watching him in a sprint stage always makes me nervous. There was a conflict of interest between Nacer and Michael Matthews at Paris-Nice and how they didn’t spill all over the pavement is beyond me. In the end, Nacer crossed the line first but the race jury decided he moved off his line so Bling took the stage.

There was another sprint stage – one that Bouhanni won and was not relegated. So it is possible …

But does Bouhanni care? Does he hell …

But at least he gave RichMitch and Holly a reason to PhotoShop so not a bad thing …

Baby it’s cold outside

It was a snowy stage at Paris-Nice, reminiscent of MSR a few years ago and the Giro at least once every year. It got so bad that they actually stopped the race – or should that be ‘controlled sliding’ – and the guys had some time on their hands as they waited for team cars to pick them up.

Sure is pretty, isn’t it? I miss snow. Although I would never cycle in it.

It wasn’t the first time a Paris-Nice peloton took on winter as the picture below shows. Or perhaps it’s all those who went into meltdown because of the stage cancellation racing down a snowy, icy descent to show those pros how it’s done.

Takin’ the piss

What you have to do when it’s cold and you don’t want to, um, expose yourself to the elements for a comfort break. (I must give a shout-out to Chuck Pena (@gofastchuck), who DMed me Kittel’s tweet – Chuck is such a romantic!)

The Corniche cliffhanger

Everyone predicted that the final stage of Paris-Nice would be an easy day for the race leader, Geraint Thomas – Sky would control the peloton, no one would try anything audacious, he would roll in and take the bouquet. They seemed to forget that Alberto Contador was in the peloton and we all know by now, if there’s half a chance, he races until the bitter end. It was touch and go – and Contador’s roll of the dice was short by 4 (seconds). But it’s a stage that we won’t forget any time soon.

Baby Blackbird’s flight into Nice certainly gave G one hell of a scare, but credit where credit is due, G rode a fantastic descent. Had a lot of heart in that ride…

…and a little Gallopin too. So what do you think Tony’s Sky nickname is going to be next year? Gallo? Tony G? G&T?

This shows just how dominate Sky have been in this race.

And speaking of Richie Porte, this made me laugh.

Just a shot of the peloton rolling out …

Thar be trident wielders, ma …

It started out with a TTT won by BMC – Taylor Phinney on a podium again, yeeeeeeha! And the best hair in the peloton, Daniel Oss, in the first leader’s jersey. Hell Yeah!

One of our favourites, Zdenek Stybar, then took the jersey off Oss.

Another one of our favourites, Steve Cummings, did a Steve Cummings and surprised everyone to nonchalantly take a stage win! Looks like he’s picking up where he left off last year. That’s good news for us!

And his teammate Natnael Berhane took third!

The final countdown

Oh, it was another stage race that came right down to the wire. But first, there was an ITT. And guess who was on fire?

Fabs received a Spartacus helmet from a fan – he looked delighted!

So delighted, he monstered the ITT and won the stage.

But it was GVA who took the whole damn thing, beating Sagan in the GC by one second. One. And hell’s bells, Greg can wield a trident! Good thing we kept him on our fantasy cobbles team! He’s looking super confident now! (But then, how could you *not* look confident with a giant trident in your hand?)

Snow-related meltdown

Who knew that something as beautiful as snowfall could cause such consternation – and play a part in a lawsuit threat. There were none of those schenanigans when I grew up in Michigan where snow was a cause for celebration – no school! But I digress. Vincenzo Nibali hates snow – and threatened (or mused) about skipping the Giro because of the danger of more cancelled stages. That got people hot under the collar. Especially one.

Nibblets did not like that attitude and has called in the lawyers. And what would those lawyers do, I wonder? What law has Matt broken? The ‘don’t call Nibali names’ law?

Still miss Michele… I like the crossed swords emoji (or are they light sabres?)

Maybe Nibs should have followed Sagan‘s example: Bored on a snow day? Shave something!

The Gruppetto

Not often you get mayors who show their sense of humour …

Best news of the week, hands down. Glad to see Kris Boeckmans back in the peloton!

Michael Valgren hears all and is unafraid.

Getting those race snacks organised.

Never need an excuse to feature the lovely Manuel Quinziato. In a great portrait by Karen Edwards to boot!

I wonder if Pippo cut those sleeves off himself. Or if they were ripped off by groupies.

I’m sure some riders would like Kristoff to have to sprint with a buggy attached to his bike.

I can’t be bothered to detail the spat, but I did find Cillian’s tweet very funny.

Lois is really gunning for giving Fabs a haircut.

I LOVE this photograph. Absolutely LOVE it!

Bedhead Bardet is skewing Strava!

The last word

Controversy, controversy, and more controversy! Plus, bad hair, giant saddles (may or may not be a euphemism), dogs, eyebrows…. Oh it’s a crazy, dazey, slipstream-riding, Cipressa-climbing, Poggio-descending Tweets of the Week, featuring Arnaud Demare, Alexander Kristoff, Fernando Gaviria, Fabian Cancellara, and the mighty Lizzie Armitstead, to name but a few.

One hell of a World Champ

Seriously, folks, what is not to love about Lizzie Armitstead? She has been on fire, ON FIRE, this season, taking those rainbow stripes across finish lines left, right and centre. This past weekend, she did it again, with her usual grace and grit.

This might be a blurry screengrab, but hell’s bells, WHAT is that sash that man is wearing? Hard to believe that both the rainbow jersey and the red design-classic Swiss national champs jersey could be outshone, but they have. I gotta get me one of those to parade around VeloVoices Towers …

I love the fact that Lizzie always has a smile on her face and a spring in her step, even during press conferences. This woman should be celebrated up and down the country.

BUT … dododododo (that’s supposed to be the music to Jaws, by the way), the magnificent Marianne Vos is back in the peloton after so long out because of injury. Forget Cav and Kittel, GVA and Sagan – THIS could be the rivalry of the year. Vos v Armitstead. Humdinger!

While it looks like Boels-Dolmans is the team to beat this season, we have found out that they are severely lacking in some very important equipment during the race …

Cats. Yes … ‘Mechanics out of cats and running to riders’

Careful, people, I’m packin’ cats! Definitely typo of the month!

Style and saddles …

The pre-race show on Saturday gave Twitter plenty to discuss. Alexander Kristoff was shrunk by the Eurosport Miniaturising Machine™ so that he fit in a mechanics trunk. Let’s just hope they weren’t packing cats.

You’d think that a gigantic saddle would be disturbing enough (I SO wish that thing would buck like a mechanical bull). But nooooooooo. It was his hair … his lopsided hair. This obviously clears up the mystery as to why his helmet is always on lopsided.

He wasn’t the only one with some strange hair. This was taken at the press conference the day before. Sagan reminds me *so much* of Terry Jones serving Spam. It might just be me, though.

But at least he hadn’t gone wild with the tweezers and eyebrow pen like *some people* .

It’s a Monument!

But that was just the pre-race show. The actual Milan-SanRemo race was pretty exciting. The Velvet Samurai, stress-free, hair tamed, children charmed.

Looks like Andre Greipel has been taking special Fabianese lessons at his local Berlitz school. (Here’s hoping his broken ribs heal up so we can see him back in the peloton soon!)

There were crashes galore in this year’s MSR, even though it was a beautiful day and the road surface was dry. Go figure.

There was a lot of imagine ifs … personally, I’m not really one for these ‘what ifs’. Part of racing is not crashing out.

Spartacus was disappointed but philosophical about it all.

Meanwhile, Stybar hit a dog. Shades of that TdF stage where PhilGil went to have words with a family that accidentally let their dog loose onto the road, causing him to crash. This also caused him to block Panache because he added laser beams to his eyes. Panache’s style of tweeting doesn’t seem to agree with riders (Bennati still hasn’t forgiven his tweets about his cats.) After Stybar hit the dog, Gregory Rast did too – but we think the dog is okay.

And where was Cav? We didn’t see him at all – except for that one time out the back.

The aftermath of a hard race (I so love BrakeThrough’s photography)

The finish (or is it?)

Arnaud Demare‘s unguarded response to the fact that he won.

We dreamt of what Marc Madiot might be doing.

That was before Eros Capecchi and Matteo Tosatto said that Demare either got a very sticky bottle or just out and out hung on to the car (Nibali-styley) to go 80kmh up the Cipressa.

Carry on up the Cipressa

Here we go…

It was pretty evenly divided between ‘you cannot be serious’ and ‘I knew it!’.

Surely *someone* had an iPhone on the Cipressa.

Conor doesn’t care, really. (He didn’t care last week or the week before, either, did he?) He’s a live and let live kind of guy.

Strava truth?

Seemed everyone knew one way or the other until someone else said something that kind of made sense too. Because let’s face it, the Twitter speculation was just that: speculation based on not a lot. But bloody hell that raged all day.

As usual, I look to InnerRing to be the voice of reason.

And thank God for those who gave us all a laugh …

The Gruppetto (no holding on to the cars!)

Nibali came out last week and verified pretty much what everyone already knew from last year. He’s not an Aru fan. He’s just throwing everybody under the bus these days, no?

This might very well have won Tweets of the Week…

Santa joins Mapei.

This is just the most fabulous podium picture. Always a fantastic race when there are special hats and giant glasses of booze at the end.

While it looks like Fabs has two directions to go in after his retirement: lounge singer (‘I’d like to do a little number for a gal named Kitty’) or a crime fighter.

The last word

Crazy pavé, pain faces, gruelling sectors, crushing crashes. Yep, it was Roubaix Sunday. And we’ve got the tweets to prove it. Hayman, Boonen, Cancellara, Sagan, plus #PrayForPhil Gaimon, cute children and much much more. 

Smooth operators!

It’s one of the hardest races of the year – and one where the favourites get more attention (and stress) than most others. But one of the things I love about cycling is you wouldn’t know it from their smiles and fan interaction the day before the big day. The Velvet Samurai stole the show, not least because of his magnificent mane (more on that in a mo…) and his ease with fans.

It was legends all round at Saturday’s presentation – and, yes, I’m already putting Sagan into that category.

First of this year’s #FlechaWatch!

The shower plaque that many wanted to change on Sunday …

Can’t help but love sponsors adverts!

The best of a generation.

And this is just the best.

#PrayForPhil

Phil Gaimon got the call that he was going to have to take his place on the start-line for Paris-Roubaix. Not a race that a climber would usually ride, Phil had to make up team numbers when an illness swept through the Argyles. We were all worried.

Cobbles and crashes

There was a massive crash at the start of the Arenberg sector and that’s when the final selection really started. Boonen was frisky …

Tony Martin rode his first Roubaix and, as with the rest of the classics races this year, he was put on the front to make the pain just that much more concentrated.

More long-flowing hair chat.

And as it seems with the Tinkoff team, Sagan found himself without teammates again this race.

Cancellara and Sagan were working together to try to catch the Boonen group late into the race. Maserati Millar had a little something to say about that, which set up John Galloway’s best tweet ever.

Fabs crashes for the third (but not last) time, Sagan bunnyhops him but both of their chances hit the deck with that fall.

While Ian Stannard makes his way to the Velodome for a step on the podium.

The Sky GT guys were in Teide at training camp and had a technical emergency. This looks like a scene from a science fiction movie – okay, maybe a nerd film that has a sci-fi twist. “Can you really make that cyclist move with your mind, G?” “The Oracle said if I concentrate, I will make a difference.” “Can we go out for ice cream afterwards?”

15 tries – one big win

You don’t win Roubaix by accident – or without experience. And this year’s worthy winner went in with 14 years experience.

It was surprise win for Mat Hayman, who just nicked the win in the final sprint in the Velodrome.

Tweeters were talking about Mat as the ‘danger man’ from a long way out.

Well, Julie must have been over the moon, because Mat indeed did win.

Possibly the cutest child at a bike race ever. Mat’s son was at the race in his lucky elephant suit. I think we can expect to see him back next year – you know how superstitious cyclists can be. “Kid, I know you’re 18 but you’ve got to come out to the Seniors Roubaix in that elephant suit.”

Although Boonen didn’t manage to make Belgian dreams come true, he kept the hope alive. He takes a bow and blows us a kiss … and promises us more.

Farewell to a fallen Fabs

It was another goodbye to Cancellara this weekend, but it didn’t turn out the way Flanders did. Especially after he crossed the finish line.

A hug from his two daughters and then a ride around the Velodrome to thank the fans.

Except he had one last fall to come.

But he kept his sense of humour and goes out with a smile.

And a few last Roubaix observations from riders and fans.

The Gruppetto

The Sagan Segment …

Dan Wuori with his lookie-likie of Sagan and the Cowardly Lion from the Wizard of Oz. Unlike a few people, who were concerned, nay outraged, that Dan would insinuate Peter was cowardly, I think it really was only about the hair. (That portrait of Sagan is by Karen Edwards, if I’m not mistaken.)

The artistry of the marshmallow as stone. Only a cycling fan would make that connection.

Diego Rosa made quite a statement at the finish line in Pais Vasco. He seemed quite happy …

This is just cool.

What I love about this picture is, are these guys scared of it, waiting for it to do something, going to play tag with it?

A lesson in how to pile up those nasal strips juuuuuuuuust right.

The ArgoSunGod was back and won Scheldeprijs for a record fourth time. He had to sacrifice a lot for that win – including his quiff.

Little Baby Blackbird isn’t ready to let it go yet. I for one am very very glad about that.

Cav rode Roubaix – with a former teammate?

When Tommeke was a pup.

The Last Word