This is the week of that great holiday for lovers, St Valentine’s Day. And what better way to celebrate than with a little velo love? Has Bernie been replaced in Cav‘s bromantic heart by That Boy Phinney? What is Kittel doing inviting Cav to his hotel room? Will Alonso love cycling so much he’ll hug it to death, like a child with a kitten? And why on earth is Pippo baring all these days? Let’s find the answers, shall we?
Lovin’ your style!
The Dubai Tour saw two of the greatest hairstyles in the peloton dominating the racing. Our beloved Taylor Phinney got to wear the blue Versace leader’s jersey through the whole race – and he loved every minute of it. He was also rather enthusiastic about the falcon handling. I predict the next race he leads, they’ll make him do archery.
Taylor’s hairstyle was almost as awesome as that falcon, but it did beg for a few comparisons. Even Brian Holm, who is looking more like a cross between ZZ Top and some marauding Viking by the hour, got involved in the fashion chat.
You’ve got the hair, you’ve got the jersey, you’ve got the look. What more could you want? The devotion of one of the top sprinters in the world, that’s what!
But hark! What light from yonder window breaks? Another bromantic entanglement for Taylor? This time, it’s Rick Zabel who has proclaimed his brolove.
Oh, that last tweet is poignant, isn’t it, bromance watchers! For those who don’t know, the bromance of the century was, we thought, Mark Cavendish and Bernie Eisel. No one was above Bernie in Cav’s eyes, and vice versa. So, Bernie is tweeting through the pain of being replaced by another, taller, rival.
Come on up to my room …
Oh what a sordid mess this is. So far, we have a bro-triangle of Cav, Phinney and Zabel. But wait! An ArgoGod turned Giant ball of wonderfulness™ is trying to turn Cav’s head with the promise of video games!
Adam Hansen, meanwhile, sits on the sidelines and stirs the pot.
Kittel gets a little Movistar love after a fantastic sprint.
Vickie Woodsford, on the other hand, would like to offer Marcel a little love of her own.
While the lovely Fabrizio Viani got to photoshoppin’!
Cover yer eyes, Ma! It’s Italian nakedness
This next picture leaves me speechless. Not because I don’t have anything to say but because I have too much to say, I know not where to begin!
If I put Fabian’s remark through Google Translate, I would bet £100 that it says, “Put it away, silly boy.” But more Swiss-like. [It's something about a party guy who occasionally pedals. The mind boggles - Ed.]
But that wasn’t the end of it. Nooooooo. Pippo gives us his most come-hitherest look …
I’m fairly certain if we had the benefit of a thought bubble coming out of his head, it would say, “Baby, come rub Deep Heat all over your sexy man.” (I’ll stop now …) [Probably for the best if we don't want to get an 18 certificate - Ed.]
A little F1 schmoozin’
Velocast joked last week that a picture taken with Alonso automatically adds €1million to a rider’s contract negotiations. The cash register was ringing one morning in Dubai …
Velvet Samurai – €1m
The sweetest tweeter in the peloton, Rui Costa – €2m
That Boy Phinney – €3million
Purito reflected – €4million. But look closely in the other lens. It’s none other than Alexandre Vinokourov. Kerching!
The Gruppetto
Mick Jagger is still out on his own. Is he ever going to rejoin the peloton? Or will he forever be waiting for some sort of transport?
Here is a man in a putty-coloured skinsuit.
Jens’ reaction to the putty-coloured skinsuit.
Forget The Armstrong Lie, this is the cycling film we’ve all been waiting for.
For God’s sake, Fabs, don’t look him in the eye!!!!! #RunAwayFabs!
Devoted Trek teammate Jesse Sergent going all black ops to rescue Fabs from the Captain of the Crazy Train. He’ll never been seen with all that sand around him … oh, uh … oops.
If only I were driving that chariot … 
This one is especially for Kiss My Panache.
The Last Word
